Hello there fellow DFO’er.  Hope you’re well today.  And thanks for coming back to see last weeks comments of the week as decided by my brain.  There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.

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This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:
It’s your place in the world; it’s your life. Go on and do all you can with it, and make it the life you want to live [in bed].
Mae Jemison

If this is an option than I’m gonna start staying in bed longer and getting a few more naps.

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As a reminder, Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post.

Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.

Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.

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August 15, 2022 2:23 pm
Any time Aaron Rodgers loses in the playoffs [from the Mock Draft: Schadenfreude post]

borisnow

Gotta get the updated one in there

Sharkbait

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It pained me that the Giants benefited, but Super Bowl XLII [from the Mock Draft: Schadenfreude post]

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

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WCS made The Duke at the Royal Pari.
ballsofsteelandfury

That definitely reads more like code for maintenance required in the men’s room.
WCS

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I mean I am not saying I am a culinary icon but I just mixed Froot Loops, and Lucky Charms together.
litre_cola

Add some Kahlua, thank me later.
SonOfSpam

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Morose Drunk Shark is the DFO spirit animal!
Gumbygirl

I thought you were referring to me for a second.
Sharkbait

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FUCK YEAH! Oh man, I can’t wait to meet Joe Flacco…
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Your welcome gift of nonfat, unflavored ice milk and room temperature tap water is waiting.
WCS

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dumbest team names ever?

Dumbest team names evar.

The moment you have all been waiting for…. #Lacrosse pic.twitter.com/QNPA7fpgfb

— Professional Box Lacrosse Association (@WatchPBLA) August 16, 2022

Game Time Decision

WCS

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I always wanted to do a suck season, where the scoring is inverse, like INTs are +20, fumbles +15, TDs -6 etc.
Sharkbait

borisnow

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Internet Dad is back? For the first time in over a year? Awesome! Oh, this is so great! We’re gonna do some DFO Insider posts together, and some Request Line, and…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’ve been here in the background, making this thing run the whole time SUCKAS
Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

“I never left town with my secretary; I’ve been keeping an eye on you kids from the backyard this whole time.”
SonOfSpam

Good binoculars and you don’t trim the hedges
Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

grumble grumble speaking of trimming the hedges tell your mom i said it’s about time grumble grumble
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Who has two thumbs and doesn’t care about thick bush? This guy.”
-Zach Wilson
LemonJello

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Redshirt

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Headline and lede:

Shohei Ohtani’s 4-hit game.

Shohei Ohtani collects four hits and brings home four runs, including a two-run home run in the 9th inning

2nd Paragraph:

As the Angels lose 11-7 to the Mariners

SonOfSpam

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Señor Weaselo, I thought, as a NYC citizen, you were legally required to capitalize The City.
ballsofsteelandfury

What do think this is, Ohio State?
WCS

*THEE
Mr. Ayo

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My wife has gone to California to visit family, leaving my daughter and I to fend for ourselves. She is convinced we cannot do this, and leaves all sorts of instructions and suggestions to ensure we won’t starve to death.

Last time she was gone we got a lab skeleton and had it sitting by an empty plate with the refrigerator open when she got home.

This time we’re amusing ourselves by texting things like “We’re out of bowls and can;’t have ice cream. What should we do?”
Horatio Cornblower

30 seconds after she walks out door…

WCS

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Just hung some paintings that required drilling holes into the wall, so feeling very manly. And I didn’t even have to sun my balls.
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Just because you didn’t have to doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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The Mutant Scion is Mark Davis’ legal birth name.
blaxabbath

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I’ll tell you all anyway. In May I was complaining that my left foot hurt, and my doctor and I were thinking it was a tendon injury but it didn’t act quite right. They sent me to a podiatrist and he couldn’t figure it out. So they did an X-ray, and then a CT scan, and finally an MRI. And then they asked me to take a full-body MRI and a CT scan of my chest and I’m wondering “all this for my foot?” For June and July I’m back east in Washington DC and finally a doctor calls me and says that I have bone cancer in my heel. They were gonna tell me this in person but I was gone so long I ended up hearing it on the phone. This was late-June. So it lays it out for me no frills: what I’ve got is very rare but it’s even rarer that they find it this early. This cancer usually spreads to the other bones and the lungs and then its deadly, but so far mine is still only in the heel. I ask “What’s the solution” knowing full what the answer is going to be. He says the whole foot has to go, and if there’s no spread they can cut at the ankle. This is a “syme” and they can graft the heel pad back on the bottom with blood flow. When it heels (2-3 months) I would be able to put my weight back on it and would ned a small prosthetic to adjust the height difference and for looks. That would be good. However, if during the procedure they see the slightest spread they have to cut halfway up to the knee and then there’ll never be any weight on it. So they schedule me for August 11 and I’m in DC so I get a month to think about it. I only told one person about it and I went and walked everywhere (DC, NYC, Gettysburg), helped with painkillers. Even in Baltimore I was limping a bit but everything was manageable. So this last Thursday was the big day and I walk into the pre-op room. I won’t know how much of a leg I’ll have until I wake up. So I wake up, and it’s just a syme cut. The doctor says they didn’t see anything else and that the “margins were good.” Furthermore, I had full MRI and CT scans on the previous Monday and they came back negative. So that means there is no cancer in the rest of me, or it’s at least too small to detect yet. But since they’re going to be looking for it every two months it shouldn’t turn into a problem. But if it didn’t spread then I am 100% cancer free and due to all the tests apparently the rest of me is in really good shape. It takes two months before I can walk on it, and in six months probably no one will even know it happened unless I tell them. I won’t even need a cane or anything I just have to be careful. It doesn’t even hurt that much, but they gave me a good pain-killer regimen with with enough excess capacity for occasional recreational use. So, it’s all good. It’s not as hard as it sounds.
Brick Meathook

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Counterfeit jerseys sound like another good thing to kick off my smuggling career, after all, I don’t think anyone would be willing to pay for a legit jersey for any of these QBs
Doktor Zymm

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“Bicycles cannot be admitted unless they meet regulations issued under the Federal Hazardous Substances Act”

Well fuck, there goes my plan to import bicycles made of opiates. Sorry Hippo.
Doktor Zymm

It’s the thought that counts!
King Hippo

I laughed out loud.

Wifey: “What’s so funny?”

Me: “Uh, you wouldn’t get it.”

Wifey: [currently stewing a little bit]
scotchnaut

Scotchnaut: One of my friends has an opiate addiction and we laugh and laugh.

Mrs. Scotchnaut: But…but that’s not funny; that’s horrible!

Scotchnaut: Boy, you’re going to hate the jokes about my hobbies!
Horatio Cornblower

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Import restrictions are legit insane. Did you know there are no circumstances where you can import a made-to-measure suit from Hong Kong without filing for formal entry and paying bond and duty to CBP? And ditto for any quantity of any type of yarn, unless it’s folkloric yarn.
Doktor Zymm

Sharkbait

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Companies that call their employees “teammates” should have their executives publicly skullfucked.
King Hippo

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Today I had to fill out a form from Customs and Border Patrol identifying myself as an “importer” because I bought some silk pillowcases from China and customs won’t release my package to FedEx without it. I think I’m also going to have to pay cash on delivery to cover customs fees, even though I’m wayyy under the threshold for having to pay duty. Tell me again how we have free trade and unrestricted capitalism? I should take up smuggling for fun and profit!
Doktor Zymm

hey everybody, Dok is bringing Silk Road back!!!
King Hippo

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So I see while looking up deshaun Watson memes to insult my browns fan friend that he’s dating Mia Khalifa, yeah? And Jimmy boy down in San Fran was dating some other pro whore too.
If you’re an NFL QB why would you romance someone you could book for an hour at union rates? And not have to have your mom watch everyone at Christmas dinner look up her son’s date on pornhub? I’m sure there are filthy women they could date that haven’t had their genitalia inspected at a microscopic level by every Tom, Dick, and Harry in the world.
BC Dick

It’s almost like large men who willingly absorb repeated head trauma for a living…don’t always make the best life decisions.
King Hippo

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Mr. Ayo

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Off to beddie-bye!

Gumbygirl

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Found a funny;

trying to figure out what the guy version of getting bangs is. feel like it’s driving your car into a denny’s. Or having a beardstache.
rockingdog

Man bun.
yeah right

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Watching the first Mission: Impossible movie and now I want one where they break into Mar-A-Lago’s basement to steal Trump’s collection. Have it be a comedy because of how easy the mission is.
Redshirt

“Ethan, you have to open one safe and maybe take apart some plumbing”
BrettFavresColonoscopy

The password is 1-2-3-4
Brick Meathook

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If this were really a tribute to Brick it would have been a bunch of foot fetish pics.
BrettFavresColonoscopy

I told you I didn’t have time to prepare!

There’s too many to go through…
ballsofsteelandfury

Balls is researching, for chrissakes!

Gumbygirl

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Hippo, explaining HippoSPEEK to the rest of the clubhouse:

(artist’s rendering)
WCS

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Mason Rudolph does the Safety Dunce!
WCS

“He’s no friend of mine.”

-The Remaining Members of the Offense
scotchnaut

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I just realized that over the past year I’ve made more new friends than at any other time since college. These are all people I almost certainly would never have met if Covid hadn’t happened, and there are other old friends I probably never would have reconnected with either. They mostly don’t live near me, but that’s not really important now. This is pure gold lining, which is fortunate since we now live in a world where we know with absolute certainty that our leaders are crap at dealing with crises.
Doktor Zymm

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Ok, so there are races, then a freestyle competition, then a doughnut competition [at Monster Jam]. Interesting.
litre_cola

“Doughnut competition, you say?” — Homer S.
Dunstan

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These Mexican Street Corn nacho chips that I picked up yesterday are better than you’d think. The tangy taste of Juanita is balanced somewhat by the earthy aftertaste of orphaned alley dog. The hint of Crema kinda brings everything back into focus. My peripheral vision? Everything is a washed-out yellow. It’s hard to distinguish morning from early evening anymore. I’ve made a huge mistake.
scotchnaut

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Reporter: “Here we are just outside Man City’s locker room at halftime. Let’s listen in.”
[shouted words such as Estupidio, Hijo de Perra, Apestar, Culo, Malparido are heard]

Producer: “CUT THAT MIC! CUT THE FUCKING MIC!”

Reporter: “Well, Pep appears to be a wee bit upset…”

Halftime Host: “This is the worst ‘Bring Your Daughter To Work Day’ ever.”
scotchnaut

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I think I’ll make this [Kulajada soup], but I might leave out the poached egg.
[immediately books airline ticket]
[flies across country]
[drives to Fronkenshteen’s home]
[knocks on door]
[punches him in goddamn face]
– DJ Taj
Fronkenshteen

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Just refilled the soap dispenser in my bathroom, using the last of an industrial-sized bottle I probably purchased about ten years ago.

The point is that I probably saved about fifty cents versus buying normal-sized bottles over the years, so I am now a very wealthy man. Time to pour several dollars’ worth of liquor to celebrate my fortune.
Dunstan

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Hey, Scotch. I’m sorry for that cut block on Thibodeaux by Moss’s kid.

I swear to you that it wasn’t a dirty hit; he just doesn’t know how to block. That’s why he’s the 4th TE on the depth chart.
Redshirt

It’s ok, Red. The Giants require a certain number of injuries every year so that they finish in the top 5 every fucking year. Your team just helped us along in our quest to keep the streak going.
scotchnaut

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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.

Stay busy and safe out there.

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