Rum, Simile and the Lash: M*A*S*H Edition (and Tuesday Open Thread)

Casualties! That is the word of the day in the NFL. It’s Roster Cut-Down Day (Part II), and in an effort to trim their bloated training camp rosters to a slim-and-trim 80 players per team, we’ve had a spate of cuts and injury designations.

As this is only Part II, there are not a huge number of big-name cuts yet.  Usually the Household Names have been cut previously for salary cap purposes, and “oh, that guy” guys will hang around until the final reaving on August 30, when 80 becomes 53.  That said, here are some vaguely notable free agents:

-SONS OF GUYS: Austin Proehl and Chad Beebe.  Austin is the son of Ricky Proehl, best known as The Other Other Other Other Guy in the Greatest Show on Turf.  Chad is the son of Don Beebe, O.G. (Original Gritty) Wideout and Patron Saint of Futile Gestures.

-GUYS WITH NAMES: Bug Howard. Geronimo Allison, Brady Breeze, Dazz Newsome, Ty Fryfogle, Maurice Ffrench, Master Teague, Pooka Williams Jr.

-GUYS YOU KIND OF REMEMBER: Kenyon Drake, Vernon Butler

Then there were the Injury Designations, which is another way to free up roster spots.  Several big names were placed on Injured Reserve or on reserve/physically unable to perform list.

Sidenote: is there a more humiliating designation that ‘physically unable to perform’?

GUYS WHO WILL LIKELY MISS REGULAR SEASON TIME:

-Carolina Heir to the Throne Matt Corral: Done for the season with a lisfranc tendon injury

-Chargers cornerback J.C. Jackson: 2-4 weeks after ankle surgery

-“Commanders” beast Chase Young: at least 4 games while he finishes recovering from ACL/MCL injuries

-Lions first-round receiver Jameson Williams: at least 4 games due to having his kneecaps eaten.

-Ravens brief candle Gus Edwards: at least 4 games due to being on the Ravens.

OTHER NEWS:

-Kevin Durant has apparently withdrawn his request to be traded from the New Jers..uh, Brooklyn Nets.  Given that his previously-hand-picked coach and GM have NOT been fired, despite that being Durant’s condition for remaining with the team, it looks like things might be a little uncomfortable on the team plane this year.

-Arte Moreno, the Billboard King of the West, is apparently exploring selling the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Next to the Dairy Queen.  He bought the team for $180 million after the Angels’ sole World Series appearance.  Franchise pricing is always difficult to forecast, and Angels are likely not in the same price bracket as the Dodgers and Mets sales that hit $2 billion.  But given that the Royals and Goddamned Marlins each surpassed $1 billion in relatively recent purchases, it seems likely that Moreno will clear at least a billion on his 20 year investment.

WHAT’S ON TONIGHT:

Mets at Yankees (6 pm DFO Standard Time, TBS) Dear moderate-size meteor that orbits the Sun on a periodically intersecting orbit with Earth: now would be an ok time to hit the Bronx.

Chicago Sky at New York “Liberty” (8 pm DFO Standard, ESPN): It’s kind of nice that the WNBA has some of the same problems as the regular NBA– in this case, a sub-.500 team in the playoffs.  Seriously, as much as I dislike college football, they have something with their requirement that you win at least a certain number of games to be eligible for the post-season.  Anyway, the Sky are a hella fun team to watch, and Candace Parker balling out in her hometown is a joy.

Little League World Series- Texas vs. Iowa (6 pm DFO Standard, ESPN): I don’t actually give a crap, because this was the apogee of this year’s series. And probably next year’s too.

I don’t give a fuck about the fuckweasel Wannabe-Cobra-Kai “SCREW THIS, WE’VE GOT A GAME TO WIN HERE” take-merchants who got up on their “PARTICIPATION TROPHIES MAKE YOU SOFT” soapboxes after this.  This is basic human decency, displayed in the simplest terms. The ginger-mullet kid saw that another kid was hurting, and he acted on it in a way that rejected all the macho-posturing-unwritten-rules crap.  And this was not the first time this has happened in the LLWS. Maybe we’re not all doomed.