Your Monday Night NFL Football Doubleheader Open Thread

This will be quick and dirty as I’ve be sleeping all day. The transformation into Hippo is almost complete.

Newsy Notes:

-The Chiefs Willie Gay has been suspended for 4 games for violating-you guessed it-‘personal conduct policies’. I think Andy must be happy because it fills his one per year quota.

-Trey Lance (or is it Lance Trey?) had surgery first thing this morning to repair his ankle. First thing this morning Jimmy G went out and had himself a huge, satisfying breakfast. He tipped 75%.

-Truth Biscuit threw OC Matt Canada under the bus yesterday. That noise you hear is Kenny Pickett’s music.

To The Games!

Titans/Bills:

-These guys have played 5 years in a row but you don’t hear too much about this being a rivalry.

-Josh Gordon is Back! Where is the faith in Racey McMath? They’re treating him like a damn variable.

-Titans are getting an early start on devastating injuries-they have 7 players on IR already.

Vikes/Eagles:

-I’ve the notion that J.J. will no doubt cause the Eagles to rue the fact that they chose Jalen Reagor over Jefferson. Funny that Reagor, now on Minny’s roster, will get a front row seat to the proceedings.

-How did Devonta not even get a catch last week when the Eagles piled up 38 points of offense last week?

-Can’t help but think that old dependable Kirkie will get the Vikes up early in this game. The question then becomes, “Will Philly stick to their incredibly effective run game or will they panic?”

Do that thing.

 

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Recovery Whiskey

The Vikings’ helmet says to “Choose Love.” No mentioning if theres chartered yachts involved

WCS

Sort of?

Redshirt

15 min. update: Quantum Leap isn’t actually as bad as I feared, though I may be watching through rose-colored glasses. I wish they’d explained how the world went from Terminator Techno-Noir Future to Now Present in between 1999 and 2022.

Beginning was a bit rushed. Almost like they went “Let’s establish the present and all the characters so we can…aw, screw it, throw him in the past!”

clint greasewood

Is the sidekick a pervert like AL was in the original?

Redshirt

No, sidekick observer is normal, which makes it weird when she shows up. She doesn’t stand out.

In football terms, you don’t notice the 12th man if he’s wearing Buffalo Bills football uniform, but you’d notice the 12th man if he’s wearing a Montreal Expos uniform.

WCS

Watch Kurt throw a pick-six now.

Sharkbait

Well, not a six but…

Mr. Ayo

Well, you were half right. I’m giving you full credit though.

Recovery Whiskey

Close!

Sharkbait

Sudden…..change?

Mr. Ayo

I don’t suppose anyone told the Iggles that a 20 point lead is not safe.

Much less a 17 point lead.

Gumbygirl

I think it’s safe tonight.

LemonJello

This other game is no better. Guess it’s off to bed for me. Later, Taters!

WCS

SEMI(?) SUDDEN CHANGE

Doktor Zymm

Looks like this guy has some company in the category of people named Darius who are great
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LemonJello

Worst. Viking. Funeral. Ever.

WCS

I like that, Kurt.

Horatio Cornblower

I’d like to report a dead body.

Seriously, I would love to report finding Colin Cowherd’s dead body.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Heh heh heh.

Horatio Cornblower

Never ever take sports betting advice from professional poker players.

https://twitter.com/phil_hellmuth/status/1571661094011412485

Doktor Zymm

It’s probably best to block Phil Hellmuth from your consciousness altogether

Redshirt

(proceeds to throw temper tantrum while calling everyone idiots and myself a genius, gets perma-banned by mods, which gets turned into 12 hour ban at the cost of a case of imported beer)

Mr. Ayo

I wouldn’t take poker advice from that insufferable asshole.

Horatio Cornblower

I assume he didn’t win all those bracelets because he sucks, but at the same time he’s such a dick that I would pretty much automatically do the opposite of whatever he said.

Doktor Zymm

I think I might visit The Gloup in June

The Gloup
https://maps.app.goo.gl/zokoyeBndRFn6AheA

herodotus450

If you told me The Gloup was in Orkney, north of John ‘O Groats and Skarfskerry but south of Grobister Dishes? I’d’ve believed you.

Horatio Cornblower

Malik Willis’s grasp on the ball is as tenuous as Liberty University’s grasp of basic science.

Dunstan

Fumble? WHAT’CHU TALKIN’ ABOUT, WILLIS?

Brick Meathook

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Recovery Whiskey

Buck looks like Putin

Brick Meathook

They both look like Putin.

LemonJello

With all these muffs, this game should be on Skinimax!

Gatoraids

Olivia has the shining and this is why she blocked the Manningcast tonight

Doktor Zymm

Assuming Philly doesn’t blow it, the NFC and AFC Easts will be the only divisions with 2 teams going 2-0

Redshirt

Alright, I guess I’ll check out Quantum Leap 2.0. The Bengals have ruined my present and future. I may as well have my precious, childhood memories ruined as well. Innocence is overrated, anyway.

Redshirt

They spelled the main character’s name of the previous one correctly, so they got one up on the Series Finale at least.

Doktor Zymm

Godspeed

LemonJello

Case Keenum has been spotted. This is not a drill. Case Keenum is on the field!

Doktor Zymm

Case Keenum: On the Case!
Case Keenum, a private eye, uses a cover identity as a professional NFL QB in an attempt to solve crimes. Poor results and hijinx ensue!

Sharkbait

Coming this fall to CBS!

clint greasewood

Don’t worry Malik, you always have that Liberty University degree to fall back on.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh, I’m sure there’s a conservative think tank or two out there that will happily hire a Liberty University graduate named…Malik? Oh, man. That’s depressing.

Horatio Cornblower

“I know boss, but it’s OK: he’s one of the good ones!”

Redshirt

Not sure why Buffalo scheduled a tune-up game in Week 2. That won’t do them any favors in the AP & Coach’s Polls.

WCS

I agree.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Guess I don’t need to watch any more of that Bills game. Thank goodness DonT doesn’t have electricity to watch that one.

Horatio Cornblower

Jesus, if they let Allen play the 4th quarter I might have a chance to win.

/they should not let Allen play the 4th quarter.
//gestures at all the injuries so far: “LOOK AT THE BONES, MAN!!!”

LemonJello

Tanny-spanked-Fanny got benched? Malik Willis in as Tits QB.

WCS

Fourth preseason game.

King Hippo

Might as well see what that Libtard’s got smh

Spur

It’s still 3 Quarter in Buffalo?

Doktor Zymm

Some random skinny guy spotting high school Jalen Hurts like he could actually do anything helpful with 500 lbs

Gatoraids

Tartarus on earth

Brocky

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WCS

At least Don T got an early start for his walk home.

Brick Meathook

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Recovery Whiskey

Worst one yet

LemonJello

They’re wearing women’s undergarments in this one.

Brick Meathook

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LemonJello

Pray for all those folding tables out in the parking lot in Buffalo.

Gatoraids

hide your grandmas

mae-young-dudleys.gif
Redshirt

Bubba Ray on Mae Young: “That’s a tough b*tch right there. When I first slammed her, I put her down gingerly. She grabbed my wrist hard afterward. ‘Hotshot! If you’re gonna slam me, slam me like one of the boys!’ When I powerbombed her off the stage, she took the whole thing! Then she farted on me!”

Redshirt

How do you get two hands on the ball and still drop it?

WCS

That’s why he plays defen—

WCS

He’s walking back to Minnesota.

Redshirt

Just got off work. Any MNF games worth checking out?

Doktor Zymm

Depends, they’re both kinda blowouty, but not actually boring

Horatio Cornblower

I can tell you that you don’t have quite as much to worry about if you’re playing against the Allen/Singletary stack.

WCS

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King Hippo

Motown Philly does indeed seem to be back again

Brick Meathook

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Spur

Zack Morris and Jim Halpert

Spur

Tennessee appears to have gone Tits Up

Doktor Zymm

Ooh, fun Tannyception

Gatoraids

The Tits have really put the lotion in the basket

WCS

The most egregious thing about that Manning family-Caesar Sports Book commercial is the idea that Eli can count to “27.”

Dunstan

“What could possibly go wrong?” — Atlanta Falcons

“Agreed” — Cleveland Browns

LemonJello

Have you done all your clubhouse chores, young man?

Dunstan

Nice muff!

King Hippo

blushes coquettishly

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

SUDDEN CONTINUATION

Mr. Ayo

Not a good night for Tits.

Fortunately we have Friday around here.

King Hippo

in THEORY

Gatoraids

Titans didnt practice covering punts

WCS

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Dunstan

When Kool-Aid came out with those weird flavors in the 90s, we used them as mixers. Vodka and Purplesaurus Rex was a “Purplesaurus Wrecked”

I forget what we used Sharkleberry Fin for.

Gumbygirl

Grape koolaid and everclear has been known as Purple Jesus since there was a Jesus. But it must be mixed in a garbage can, or the transubstantiation stuff doesn’t happen!

Dunstan

Yeah, the idea was based on that. I think we just liked the name better!

Brick Meathook

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King Hippo

MNF counts as weekend, PILL UP!!

Brick Meathook

I AM ALREADY THERE HAIL SATAN

King Hippo

ah am SO PROUD at how good an influnce Hippo has been to you and Scotchy both. JOIN US, imaginarium!!

Brocky

I swear to fucking God I’m gonna make a bunch of empty fantasy leagues on yahoo with the minimum number of teams with the maximum number of players just so I can draft every single player possible so I can win at least 1 fucking league. Watch God try to screw me over that way.

Get fucked Adam “10 tds in 13 games last year theilan”