Your Week Three First Slate of NFL Games open Thread

Welcome aboard! We’ve got a few tasty tilts for you to gnaw on. (Dan Campbell’s ears perk up)

To The Games!

Ravens/Pats:

Look for more RPO-style plays from…Mac Jones? Well, now that he’s no longer a fatty, he ran some last week and of course there were plenty down at Alabama. Them Ravens can put points on the board as they showed during their rough and tumble loss to Miami. Can they stop points though?

Chiefs/Colts:

Indy’s formula for success-giving the ball to Taylor, controlling the clock and tightening up on D didn’t work vs the frickin’ Jags last week (lost 24-0) so what chance do they have against the Chiefs?

Saints/Panthers:

It’s “THE BATTLE OF THE FORMER #1 OVERALL DRAFT PICKS WHOSE CAREERS HAVEN’T QUITE PANNED OUT QUITE THE WAY THEY’D LIKE” Bowl. Rhule barely makes it to the bye before he’s shitcanned.

Texans/Bears:

Houston could be 2-0 if they could hold onto a lead but they’ve no experience in that regard. That Chicago win in the rain in week one is still a throwaway game in that they won. The only starter to throw less passes than Fields is Dak.

Bills/Fins:

Well lookee here, it’s your star matchup of the early slate, glory be! Scoring won’t be an issue here because a.) the Bills and b.) the Bills defense is missing a bunch of defensive starters.

Lions/Vikes:

Dan “Sawney Bean” Campbell should be entertaining on the sideline today. Minny has firepower with JJ and Dalvin while the Lions have put up 35 and 38 so far this season. They’ve also scored a major in 15 straight quarters! Are we looking at a rare NFC North score-kakke game?

Bengals/Jets:

At the outset of the season you’d think that some in the Jets organization would look to Cincy regarding how to turn things around. Now as it stands, the Bengals are looking at the Jets as an opportunity to turn things around.

Raiders/Titans:

Welcome to the “Somebody’s Gotta Win, Right?” Bowl. Plenty of teams have dug themselves out of 0-3 holes but many, many more have followed that start with a ton more losses.

Eagles/Commies:

Wentz is doing his part with a 7-3 TD/INT number and two 300 yarders but there’s no D yet-36 points to the Lions and 22 to the Jags? That won’t do. Eagles smell blood, go to 3-0.

Push your buttons.