Uh, everyone recover from that yet??

Sunday, 13 November 2022 was a day that wholly justified our Clubhouse Mandatory 1-Hour Watch rule.  No, not that the Munchen Kraftwerk Kickoff Klassiker was fulfilling (I watched on mute, barely paid attention to the scheisse 21-16 MRSA victory over the “happy to be here” SeaTruthers).  No, but it made SURE you were RedZone watching the 1p window.

Some of us might live for quite a few more years.  Decades, even.  None will see BananaSKOL the calibre of Vikings/Bills.  Holy shit, Game of the Century is a massive undersell.

Bills Mafia hosted things, and looked early like they might run away and hode.  Not one, but TWO early Devin Singletary rushing scores.  Dingleberry had two bad pickerceptions.  Brokeback refused to make any allowances for his fragile health status, and it looked like McDermott rolled the dice correctly.

But as I said earlier, I did not trust McDermott to be cautious, and just lean on his very good rushing game.  Which, despite a 24-10 halftime lead…he most certainly did NOT.

Who did keep running the ball?  Minnesota, down 27-10.  Dalvin Cook flashed for an 81-yard TD gallop, as Q3 neared its end.  Massive shot in the arm, sure.  But it should have been “something to build on” for the rest of the season.  Maybe if Buffalo had ground a tired defense to a nub with the run – it would have.  Instead, Minny was able to get within 4, thanks to a steady late drive and a nifty FB dive play.  I say “4” because they shanked the extra point.  No playing for OT, eh?

Buffalo was forced to punt, and Dinglberry remembered he had Justin Jefferson at his disposal, and he is ALWAYS OPEN.  Facing a desperation 4th and 18 out of the 2-minute warning, Cousins launched a prayer to JJ, who made the holy shit-est one-handed catch you will ever see.  It defied all laws of physics.  He never bobbled, despite fighting off the defender (who also had a hand on the ball), and rolled over to guard against any contact with the ground.  Jefferson made another incredible catch, on 3rd and goal.  It was ruled a TD, but VAR’d down to a catch to the 0.5-yard line.

Vikes call a play fake, Cousins floats it to a back pedaling (but otherwise WIDE open) Cook, who dropped it.  But lo, Buffalo was offside.  To the 9-inch line!  Dingleberry sneaked it, but was unable to extend the ball before his left shoulder touched the turf.  Maybe 2 inches short, but it’s a turnover on downs, 0:43 to play and just one timeout left for Minnesota.  Two sneaks, and it’s over.

Like most of you, I was thinking “ok, Vikings have two shots at the safety.”  And in the back of my head, I wondered about using Case Keenum, who would be coming in cold, and smaller in stature – but full use of his right arm.  Nobody would try that, I am not criticising.  But I did wonder.  And Brokeback promptly fumbled the snap.  Forget safety, because the Vikings recovered for SIX.  I neglected to mention, but Buffalo had to burn all of its timeouts when the Vikings were in the red zone.  They even ran out the kickoff, losing 7 seconds and not getting even to the 25.  Dumb.

But it wouldn’t matter.  2 short passes, easily out of bounds.  Ball now on the 40, plenty of time.  Then, Minnesota gets fucked and ducked HARD by the officiating crew.  They made a “close” call as a reception by Gabe Davis, 20 yards and momentum carrying him (untouched) out of bounds.  It sure looked like the ball moved, but I thought that was more “did he have full possession before going out” – instead, he NEVER CAUGHT THE BALL AT ALL.  And somehow…VAR doesn’t even blow the whistle to CHECK.  Another dumpoff for 15, followed by a phantom DPI, and the ball is on the 9.  With only 5 seconds (remember the kickoff play), McDermott goes for the FG, which is good.  30-all, we go to Extra Time after all.

Vikes win the toss, take the ball, and march down the field.  Three great runs by Cook, two great pitches and catches to JJ (and a third play where Jefferson drew DPI for a big gain and first down) – but 1st and goal at the 2 would only march backwards.  Really no choice but to take the FG and a 33-30 lead.  But you could sense what is coming.

Brokeback very clearly wanted to make up for his fumble.  Two great runs to the edge of FG range, followed by two completions to the Vikes 20.  Note we are NOT discussing any Devin Singletary plays here.  He might as well have been a ghost.  On 2nd and 10, the Wyoming Shoulder Devil called to Allen, and he pressed, throwing the ball short and into blanket coverage.  Patrick Peterson picks him in the red zone for the 2nd time of the game (4 picks in the red zone the past 2 games), and it’s over.  33-30, and WOW.  We’ll talk about this one for YEARS.

Look, Josh Allen’s toughness is commendable.  But his brain sometimes bites off more than his mouth can chew.  Sean McDermott HAS to know that, and its his job to protect Allen (and his team) from himself.  He failed to do that, even after Allen appeared to aggravate his elbow injury making a tackle earlier in the game (that first Peterson pick).

How do even talk about the rest of the slate?  But talk we must.

It’s a good thing Everton and NC State had already ruined Hippo’s weekend, otherwise Denver really would have kicked my teeth in.  Another blown 10-nil lead, another game where Charmslinger posted some early numbers and then vanished for the 2nd half.  He absorbed NINETEEN hits in the game, and lost Jerry Jeudy very early.  But FUCK ME, I am getting tired of this Groundhog Day universe.  DonT achieves Temporary Dominance (h/t, scotchy), with his Magnifico Tits going to 6-3.  Denver is 3-6, and their/our season is over.  Without its 1st and 2nd round picks.  It’s gonna be U-G-L-Y.

Chi**** hosted the Semi-Fuck LioUns, and this game reaaaallllly went back and forth.  Naturally, Opposite World gave us a defensive struggle early, with Da Bears having to scrape and claw just to pull even at the half, 10-10.  But two quick Q3 scores, and the game looked well in hand.  Just run, shut down “playing outdoors in the cold” Baby Buster, and go home happy!  But after a clinical 4-play scoring drive, Strawberry Fields lost his mind and tossed a ball up for grabs trying to avoid a sack (seriously, no feet on the ground and rotating backwards – even Allen would have eaten that ball).  His THEEEEE teammate Okudah pick 6’d it, and we are all square at 24.  Immediately, Fields answered with a bonkers, 67-yard scoring run.  But they’d miss the extra point, and Detroit made them pay.  91-yard scoring drive, in 3 minute mode.  DET made their extra point, and finally contained Fields on downs.  31-30, break up the LioUns!

How bizarre are Fields and pals, by the way?  The lad scores FOUR combined TDs, yet loses at home to Detroit.  My brain hurts.

Kansas City hosted the Jaguras, and despite some minor hijinks (for one, JAX recovered an onside kick to start the game – and promptly did nothing with it), managed a routine 27-17 win.  Ho, hum.

Chubb against Chubb!  No, not a flamboyant RedTube search, but two cousins on opposite sides of the ball, but new LOLfin Bradley would go home happier.  #ThePauls continued their slapdickery, losing 39-17.  All of a sudden, Miami looks super dangerous – and nipping at Buffalo’s heels for the division (or, once I checked the standings – actually a half-game AHEAD of them now).  Take away their killer WRs (CLE did ok there), and they can now hammer you with their rushing game.

I really noticed nothing about the 500s 24-16 loss to Los Gigantes.  My apologies to scotchy.  But 7-2 don’t lie, and the NFL doesn’t require running up the style points for ranking purposes.

Whichever Watt brother it is the Yinzers have?  He came back, and they looked like the Proper Tomlin Stillers again.  Wear you down with ball control offense and smother you with their defensing unit.  20-10, despite some missed placements by the Non-Union Non-Mexican equivalent Chris Boswell.  Clock strikes midnight on Red Rocket competence?  Anyway, this was the only NFL franchise that Tomlin hasn’t beaten (except, of course – he’s never coached AGAINST Yinzburgh).  Quite the feat, Coach.

3 in the late window, one basically with practice squad-calibre backup QBs (Colt McCoy for AZ, sommet called “John Wolford” for LAR).  You expected a dull affair, and you got one.  RRRRRRRRRAM IT!! booed off the pitch at halftime, down 17-3.  YOU FUCKS JUST WON THE SUPERB OWL, fuck’s sake.  Qards would have JUST enough 2nd half joy (one-hander by Rondale Moore on 4th and 3 being the final dagger), and win 27-17.

Dallas fucked around early, falling behind 14-7 in Bay of Green.  Christian Watson even got a long TD catch (then a SECOND and even a THIRD??), and maybe BlueBunny was being a little too cute in his homecoming?  But they tied it up going into HT, then pulled away with two Q3 TDs.  Like BeerGuy said in the live thread – Packers can’t stop stepping on their unvaccinated dicks.

But then Q4 and OT happened, and it was BlueBunny’s turn to do that.  But you know, maybe with MOAR belief in modern, non-quack medicine.  31-28, fucking Qaron gets to be happy.  Goddamnit.

Humps/Raiders had no business being a good game, but it was.  That’s just how the NFL rolls sometimes.  We got a late surprise, with Matty Ice BACK in as the starting quartered back.  And his teammates responded to this second chance.  You’d think 25 points would suffice, and once the defense FINALLY got their backs up (key 3rd and 4th down pass breakups inside the 20) – Jeff Saturday gets to walk out of Vegas a 25-20 winner.  YAY, Donks stay in sole possession of 3rd place in the AFC West!!!!

What entropy would Tomsulas/Clippers bring on SNF?  I decided to wrap this up after Janeane’s QB sneak to cut the Clips lead to 13-10.  I will keep watching, and try not to fall asleep.  But fuck me, my brain can’t handle no MOAR writing.  See y’all in the morning.