Instant Hippo Thoughts – Week 12, 2022 Season

Apologies for these being less comprehensive than usual – somedays, my brain just collapses in on itself, and a randomly long nap ensues.  Today was one of those days.

Talk about self protection, though!  I could flip to full coverage of my Donks thanks to their playing in Charlotte – but I nodded off at 3-7.  Which is GOOD, because not only did we get SWEPT by the goddamned Raiders?  But now we also suffer the humiliation of losing to a retSpecial Young Man.  23-10, and the shitshow intensifies to an infinite degree.  Charmslinger is the last healthy QB for my money league team too, which is just fucking great.

I usually hate cliches like “when God closes a door, he opens a window” – but I will make an exception for waking from said nap to the winning OT score of #ThePauls 23, Team MRSA 17.  WOMP WOMP motherfuckers, and the ENTIRE NFC South is below .500, where they belong.

Sadly, the Falcons missed the opportunity to gain on Tampa, losing to the Heinecke Commies, 19-13.  Again, I was asleep – but this sounds like an absolutely wretched game to watch.  But Washington has hope, on and off the pitch.  Good for Dok Zymm!

Thankfully, I saw Prison Girlfriend’s 2-minute drive.  Those bollocks have dropped, and the Jaguras could go on a little run now.  Balmer scored right before the 2-minute warning, making the two pointer to lead 27-20.  But after a derpy start to the drive, Lawrence entered “Elway Mode.”  Perhaps the best throws of his career were for the TD, and then the 2-pointer (an absolute dart thrown against his body – aka the Elway Special).  Of course, the Ratbirds have Justin Tucker, who tried a 67-yard FG that came up maybe 5 feet short.  Tough way to lose an insanely long made placement kick streak, and an equally hard luck 28-27 loss.

Team WKRP made BAL pay for that slip-up, winning in Nashville 20-16.  Treylon Burks scored his first NFL TD on an offensive fumble recovery, which is kind of cool.  But this was a statement of Bungles intent, showing they could win a “slobberknocker” style game, and even without Beatie Mixon AND J’Marr Chase.  Impressive shit.  Nobody wants to play either of these teams in January, though.

Hollywoo laughed at the idea of a successful Chuck and Buck sequel, but Mike White got the last laugh.  Three scores in a 31-10 rout of the Monkey Trev (playing despite a pulled oblique, because J Peterman was the alternative) in front of the home crowd.  MILF-hunter Z is done in NY, whether he knows it or not.

Miami got the Kyle Allen 500s at home, and it was easy as predicted.  30-15, and the LOLfin division lead holds steady.  Everybody but the P*ts won this weekend (in the AFC East).

Poor RRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!!  They are just boned, as badly as my Donks.  26-10 losers in KC, and it coould/should have been much worse than that.  Mahomes and Reid got more than a little too cute – but it really was “cat plays with half-ded mouse” small beer.  Game was never in doubt.

There were 4 games in the late RedZone window, and maybe 3 plays of Tomsulas/Saints made the live cut.  Just horrible offensive ineptitude, but the Santa Clara defense is terrifying.  Especially at home.  N’Awlins gets shut out for the first time in over 20 years, 13-nil.  OOF, that division.

Clippers/Qards was quite the barn burner, with The Clearisil Kid running for his life for much of the day.  But he kept plays and drives (along with himself) alive, and with one last gasp…he found Austin Ekeler for a late TD and Gerald Everett for the winning deuce.  25-24, and there was much Analytics Rejoicing.  Koach Kliff should get Kanned any day now.  Clips get to 6-5, and still have pulse for the 7 seed.

Fucking Vegas, man.  They just won’t roll over and die, no matter how many times Emo Carr has to break down crying.  They won the OT flip in Seattle, converted 4th and 2 inside the 40, then won on the only possession.  40-34, bursting the ‘Truther bubble.  I have no explanation for it, though I watched most of the game.

OF COURSE, I couldn’t see the conclusion, because they made RedZone cut away because of the “only one game still playing rule” – EVEN THOUGH NATIONAL CBS WAS SHOWING 60 MINUTES TO LIKE 85% OF THE GODDAMNED COUNTRY.  Fix your damned shit, NFL.

That leaves Qaron against the Iggles on SNF.  At least I am well-rested for the proceedings!  I still got bored, though.  It was Philly 20, GB 14, after a 2nd critical thought pickerception.  May there be many more.  And soUrry for my half-assedry.

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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WCS

https://www.npr.org/2022/11/28/1139447507/arizona-midterm-election-results-cochise-county

Just sell the whole state back to Mexico or Spain. It doesn’t matter. Sorry, Blax, but… eh, not really.

blaxabbath

I love these retards (not disabled people; functioning adults with brains that aren’t up to par developmentally) here. If Cochise doesn’t have its ballots counted, one of the US House races is likely to go from R to D as well as the AZ State Superintendent race (also R to D).

I’ve got an about five year plan to begin establishing long-term roots elsewhere (island elsewhere, I’m lobbying the Mrs). I’m down to take every dollar from every idiot in this state if it cashes (unlike TrumpBux!).

TheRevanchist

All you need to do is design a shirt that says “Guns, camo, and 2 tons of ammo” with a picture of a skull on it. Sell the shirts at every nazi/republican rally to fund your move.

blaxabbath

MILF-Hunter Z is one of my favorite HippoNames

yeah right

I been working my ass off and it’s officially a full on spa day today. Gonna try and rectify all of my broken shit.

blaxabbath

“Go see Ching Chong McHandy!”

-R Kraft, New England

yeah right

Now I feel like a melted puddle of butter. Fuck that deep tissue shit HURT but it’s much better now. I think.

Horatio Cornblower

That was offside?

Redshirt

I need a Little Drummer Boy Challenge Judges Ruling. While changing stations on the radio, I heard a split second of bit, barely enough for a note. Is that enough to lose?

I think I am out, but I figure I call up a jury of my peers for a verdict.

Redshirt

I thought so. I know it was the song because my console said the song, and since I heard it before, I could sort of recognize it. If I never heard it before, it would’ve been musical gibberish.

Oh well. Player down.

Last edited 1 year ago by Redshirt
Horatio Cornblower

Well now hang on. If you only know it because the name flashed on your console I don’t think that’s the same as “hearing” the song. I’m inclined to allow you to remain, but will defer to the others.

Redshirt

I saw the song title first and then heard the sound as it was switching to the next station.

Yeah, it’s a gray area. Like did I recognize it or did seeing the title help me recognize it? Almost like a Reverse Rick Roll.

Like if I describe a movie opening as flying in the clouds, that could be anything. But if I say “Back to the Future Part II”, suddenly it clear.

Last edited 1 year ago by Redshirt
Game Time Decision

I say you’re still in, as for one note it could be anything.
And that will teach you not to read

Last edited 1 year ago by Game Time Decision
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[raises hand]

“I can teach him how to not read!”

– Lea Michele

Gumbygirl

We see the song title here! You have to recognize it with your ears. I vote you’re still in.

Horatio Cornblower

That’s the whole fun of the challenge. Hit ‘scan’ at your own risk. Hell, go grocery shopping at your own risk. I was in Big Y the other day and realized they were playing Xmas carols. I was on pins and needles until I got out of there.

2Pack

Half assed? No my friend… You FULL Azzed this one. Well done (assed)!!!

Gumbygirl

It was bootylicious, as always!

Brick Meathook

I solved the upper mount stability problem!

All it took was a 2” nylon ¼-20 bolt and some Yankee ingenuity. Not bad considering I’m 50% greaseball spic, 50% drunken Irish papist, 50% scheming Jew, and 50% Canadian.

How to celebrate? LET’S GET COFFEE!

https://vimeo.com/775844171

yeah right

You drove to Long Beach for coffee?

LemonJello

Must be some damn good coffee.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Brick Meathook

McDonald’s finest!

Brick Meathook

You bet!

2Pack

Had to go with the hardware huh. Bungee cord and 100 MPH (duct for civilians) tape not an option?

Brick Meathook

Tape is temporary, a bolt is permanent and looks better, and works better too. I could start selling these on Etsy in the “camera mounting handicrafts” section.

2Pack

Start filming us some decent Hooker action now.

Horatio Cornblower

Convinced they’re even bigger frauds than Dallas.

Horatio Cornblower

Ol’ Double J will keep the Cowboys from the Super Bowl just as sure as he kept them Negroes outta his high school way back when.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Yeah but are they bigger frauds than Arizona voting machines?” – Kari Lake

Gumbygirl

.

facebook_1668632766334_6998753086367374187_308824456585732.jpg
Horatio Cornblower

Love the South Korean gaffer not letting a red card keep him from telling Anthony Taylor what a piece of shit he is.

Last edited 1 year ago by Horatio Cornblower
Horatio Cornblower

You can’t blow the whistle on a clear corner in a 3-2 World Cup game and be on the side of truth and light.

Horatio Cornblower

“Really routine save…”

Sir, what game are you watching? A point block shot in a one-goal game in injury time of a crucial World Cup game is not “routine” no matter what.

Horatio Cornblower

Lalas is an insufferable prick and Dempsey simply isn’t good at speaking in front of a camera.

Horatio Cornblower

If I were South Korea I simply would have played this well the entire game.

I am very smart.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[The Raiders] won the OT flip in Seattle, converted 4th and 2 inside the 40, then won on the only possession

Actually, each team got a shot in overtime. The Raiders had the ball first and missed a long field goal. But their defense held Seattle to a 3-and-out before this miracle occurred:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=6pZ6r1Q4sIk

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Perfectly understandable. The idea that the Raiders defense would get a stop when the game was on the line is a pretty alien concept for me, too.

ballsofsteelandfury

Don’t blame me, I voted for Kudus!!

Dos a cero!

blaxabbath

I DON’T KNOW ANYONE WHO VOTED FOR KANG! LOOK AT ALL THE PEOPLE SAYING THEY VOTED FOR KODOS AND I’M SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE SLEEPY JOE BIDEN WON THE ELECTION? FRAUD!!!!

ballsofsteelandfury

¡Ghana gana uno a cero!

ballsofsteelandfury

Hippo, I can’t believe you missed the handoff of the Green Bay Packers from Aaron to Jordan Love.

I’m pretty sure the Packers faithful were looking at Love’s passes thinking, “Wait, a QB can actually throw the ball LIKE THAT? PASS ME THE CHEESE CURDS, MABEL!”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“You already have the cheese curds, Herb.”

“Yes, but I want more!”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I hope he does his own research on his ribs/potential lung injury and decides he’s fine to go scuba diving.

Horatio Cornblower

“The Bends are a myth” says Aaron, launching himself straight to surface from 120′.

ballsofsteelandfury

Quite a game already this morning!