Welcome back to the Beat! Last time out we had a Fight of the Year candidate for a Main Event and KO of the Year candidate somewhere in the middle. We don’t quite have those, but we do have stables fighting tonight, as both Team Whyachi bots appear, and both Seems Reasonable bots fight as well… against each other. Will we get a legitimate fight? I mean, probably. As for now, to the fights!
Free Shipping vs. Hydra
Free Shipping: 1-1 (W, KO 2:01 vs. Gigabyte; L, KO 2:01 vs. Minotaur)
Hydra: 1-1 (W, KO 1:24 vs. Rotator; L, KO 1:57 vs. Tantrum)
Free Shipping, at 1-1, is probably going to be in that bubble discussion with a loss here. But a win, and legally not Original Sin is almost definitely in. On the other hand, Hydra’s still smarting from the loss to Tantrum. A win here should get them in regardless of the fourth fight, which is against SawBlaze, so worst case that one’s a wash if Hydra gets wiped out. Jake Ewert is worried about the ground game because Original Sin is known for that. Well, that and tanking absolutely everything in Robogames.
Also, sure, there’s a write-up, but it’s tough to write up… well, just watch. Fight starts at 4:37.
Well, Free Shipping was saved by the bell!
In the most shocking decision of the tournament… Hydra wins by unanimous decision. Okay, not shocking at all. The official count according to Chris Rose was 20, but I counted 21 flips. The highest flip was 15.3 feet, or around 15′ 4″. At 2-1 with a loss to Tantrum and only SawBlaze left, Hydra should be in. Free Shipping’s 1-2, but with a win over Big Dill and not dying from that barrage… there’s a path to 32. Though it’ll definitely be one of those bots on the bubble.
Fusion vs. HUGE
Fusion: 1-1 (W, JD 3-0 vs. Emulsifier; L, JD 2-1 vs. Witch Doctor)
HUGE: 2-0 (W, KO 2:00 vs. Shatter!; W, JD 3-0 vs. Blip)
You wouldn’t expect Fusion to have gone the full six minutes in these two fights, but somehow, it has survived. Just barely, in the case of both of them and especially the win over Emulsifier, but it counts. HUGE we’ve been waiting to have the right path to a good record, and this seems to be the year after a win over Shatter! and a hard counter fight against Blip.
Fusion has extra top armor so HUGE doesn’t cleave through, and Reese Ewert expects to use the horizontal because “HUGE is a gangly son of a bitch.” This package comes complete with a smaller vert! At that point, why even have it? Armor up even more! (Because then it’s not Fusion, I know) HUGE was back with the Tegris wheels since they’d be stronger against the horizontal weapon on Fusion, and an S-shaped bar for added bite.
Fusion got the first hit and it was on the wheel of HUGE taking a chunk out, but one hit from HUGE and Fusion was already in trouble, stunning Fusion, loosening its top armor, and taking out a side of drive. The second hit bounced F off short corner, third took off the top armor completely where you could see the whole electronics system. Wow. HUGE ain’t fucking around this year. Also wow, that would explain the fires, that is compact on Fusion.
HUGE by KO. At 3-0, they’re in. And with a fight against Starchild, 4-0 looks very in the realm of possibility along with at the least a top 8 seed, maybe even top 4. Fusion’s 1-2 and gonna be on the bubble. It’ll all ride on a fight with Rotator.
Lock-Jaw vs. Glitch
Lock-Jaw: 1-1 (W, JD 3-0 vs. Malice; L, KO 2:36 vs. SawBlaze)
Glitch: 0-1 (L, KO 0:47 vs. Riptide)
Lock-Jaw at 1-1 is already having a better year than last year, where it went 0-4 plus a Slugfest loss, so 0-5. Meanwhile, Glitch is having more gremlins and it’ll be touch and go. I mean, it’s a tradition at this point. The piano keys are on, so wedge-wise they’ll hopefully have a better time of it than against Riptide, where they didn’t have the same wedge, and it cost them.
Lock-Jaw started by running circles around Glitch looking for an opening, since Glitch could straddle. Spitfire, drone of many different teams, was flying above.
Finally the bots made contact. That first hit bent up a fork on Lock-Jaw, but the second one, undeterred and initiated by the vet sent Glitch up and over. But on the other hand, Lock-Jaw briefly smoked and something caught on fire. But Glitch was trying to get up and over. One attempted pulverizer shot from Lock-Jaw tried to pog flip Glitch, but no luck, and forced them to stay flipped over and counted out.
For next season: srimech.
Lock-Jaw wins by KO in 52 seconds. They’re 2-1 and a win over MadCatter would certainly see them in, while Glitch is 0-2 and need to save their season against another 0-2 bot, Triton.
Beta vs. Shatter!
Beta: 1-0 (W, JD 3-0 vs. Kraken)
Shatter!: 0-1 (L, KO 2:00 vs. HUGE)
We get the long awaited hammer battle! It’s one of the things we’ve always wanted. Adam Wrigley’s wanted this fight for his whole life, John Reid is the hammer robot guy. Except for his weapons operator this time around, Jason Marston. He built Thor, best known in Robot Wars. He’s the other hammer guy. Well, and Jascha Little (The Judge, Chomp). He’s the other other hammer guy. But John Reid’s the OG.
Shatter! had to replace the entire chassis after HUGE, so they need the win here. Going with Lil’ Rusty, the lighter hammer for extra top armor and to try and get a thinner piercing shot, either on the air tank or on the mounting. They’ll have the reach advantage, so think out-boxer vs. slugger. They have their forks on to try and extend this advantage.
Beta got to the forks, but both bots missed their shots. Shatter! was getting the armor trying to weapon snipe. But Beta had the pushing and able to get its hits in first. Shatter! missed the tank but flipped itself, as John Reid could outflank and push Shatter! around as the omniwheel took more hits from Beta. Beta got the hammer hit on Shatter!, messing up the mounting and rendering the hammer useless.
The forks were too long and too thick as Beta just missed one shot, but nailed three others. Beta coulf get the hits in as it pleased, as once Shatter!’s hammer was out Beta could push and fire at mostly will, finishing with a flourish.
Beta wins by unanimous decision. They’re 2-0 with a test of the anti-vert setup next in Black Dragon, Shatter! is 0-2 but gets Horizon next. That is very much a must-win.
Quantum vs. Black Dragon
Quantum: 2-0 (W, KO 2:38 vs. Captain Shrederator; W, KO 2:52 vs. Gruff)
Black Dragon: 1-0 (W, KO 2:05 vs. Monsoon)
Well, we just saw one Brit bot go 2-0. Quantum is already, they’re looking for 3-0 carrying it for the crushers. They’re back to the double tooth to hold rather than strictly pierce.
Black Dragon remains the most unkillable of robots. They’re only behind Bite Force for most fights without being KO’d, who has also never lost by KO. In fairness, Bite Force also lost once in four seasons. And maybe at some point we’ll see it again! They have the Brazilian tires on. I have no idea what makes them Brazilian. And Mano Duck has a sword and helmet! Awww. (Answer: They custom-make them. They are solid rubber.)
Both bots took their time, and Black Dragon able to get sparks, but it enough of a ruse and lure for Quantum to get a bite. But Black Dragon had the pushing advantage, at least until Quantum bit a wheel before they separated. But the wheels were pretty much unaffected. Again, solid rubber.
But Quantum put the teeth right in the weapon socket, a perfect bite, bending the teeth and somehow not killing the weapon. But they went back into the weapon socket again, as tires smoked as the two bots pushed and once again there was an unstick needed.
Mr. Crowbar and his friend, also a crowbar (Trey and his trusty crowbar, comic courtesy of Hotkoin from the subreddit) said the hydraulic pump was sticking so they couldn’t get a viable unstick, so the judges went in to inspect for damage.
Damage: Close. I’d say Black Dragon 3-2 from the scuffs to the armor and bends to the teeth. I can’t see what damage was done to Black Dragon’s weapon area.
Aggression: Quantum, probably 2-1.
Control: Definitely Quantum, whether 2-1 or 3-0
Quantum wins by UD. They’re 3-0, a definite lock and in the hunt for a top 4 seed if they beat Emulsifier. Black Dragon is 1-1 with Beta next.
Slammo! vs. Terrortops
Two alts get a fight, though it’s unfortunate Slammo! is an alternate. But with how Slammo!’s done over the years, that’s why it’s down to alternate status. Slammo! was winless last year as the curse of Danby is eternal, except that one year where the team was not named Team Danby due to sponsors. Terrortops is a lifter with the vert behind it, similar to Big Dill. For this they’ve got a disk rather than the bar.
Slammo went arms up to protect it from the weapon and immediately got lifted and hit with the vert. Danby went for a different strategy, going sit and spin. It worked, but then Terror got a push into the wall and hit something that killed something, because Slammo! was on its back, locked up.
Terrortops wins by KO. They could be one to watch next year. Slammo!… gets no luck.
Main Event: Tantrum vs. Blip
Tantrum: 1-1 (L, KO 1:20 vs. Minotaur; W, KO 1:57 vs. Hydra)
Blip: 0-2 (L, JD 3-0 vs. End Game; L, JD 3-0 vs. HUGE)
Aren Hill loves Tantrum. I mean, he built Tantrum. But Tantrum started as a flipper, and he’s loved flippers forever, his words. As he said, a little bit of mixed emotions watching Alex and Ginger lifting the Nut with Tantrum. And, both bots need a win. Especially his Blip.
Though it’s had a murderous schedule so far. Reigning Giant Nut and Giant Bolt champions? And a hard counter in HUGE? Not that Tantrum’s hasn’t been worthy of a champion thus far.
Tantrum w quick out of the gate but showed enough tail for Blip to pin and flip. And then Tantrum was on fire. Blip was down a fork, but, again, fire.
Blip got a flip in but it wasn’t full power—you could hear “flywheel on” and then a countdown, and this was the flywheel charging so Blip didn’t wheelie around. But it seemed that the fire was Tantrum’s weapon—replays showed that the weapon hitting the floor probably did it. It was punching but not spinning. But Blip was pinning and getting flips, like off the pulverizer and rim. Then to the other corner.
Blip was ultimately trying to get the angle out of the arena, but couldn’t quite get it. Instead it was just the Upper Deck. Tantrum finally got a brief push, but a reversal by Blip led to another flip onto the Deck to end it.
Blip by unanimous decision. That saves their season and with a fight against Banshee they’ve got a shot at 2-2 at least. Tantrum gets Whiplash next, and that’ll be urgent for both of them.
Man, I gotta say, being able to write this mostly in advance off my notes is a beautiful thing and not have to rush it, and keep it around 2000 words. And man, do I have a good one for next week, including the hammer saw battle, SawBlaze vs. Skorpios. I can’t wait to talk about Skorpios’s weapon configuration. Until then…
See you next week!
Hopefully Murdaugh paid attention to Aaron Hernandez vis-a-vis jailhouse activities.
Didja wonder why the turf at the SB sucked so bad? Do you want to listen to a pissed off Grampa ramble on about it? Well here ya go, then:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0nP5r5xFnJs
Sure, you could read a summary of it elsewhere, like SI, but then you would miss this little gem, about a football field a long, long, time ago, in a galaxy far, far away:
“What a beautiful logo painted on the 50 yard line…A big 30 foot logo of a big large penis and 2 testicles on the center of the field…a hell of a good job.” – George Toma
Jerry Richardson died. That’s 3/5ths sad.
“Don’t cry for me; I’m already dead.”
-J Richardson
re: BattleBots
As a real lurker on these, I appreciate the Last Performance notes in the records column. I’d offer Jalen Carter the same note but I’d have to call Terror Top to design his most recent outing of record.
blax: “It appears you don’t know how to do your job.”
employee who has been here forever: “yes I do. See I just do this and that.”
blax: “Your job is to do the things right before and right after this and that.”
employee: “oh, I thought the computer does it.”
blax: “See, you USED to do this and that. Then I automated that part of the work like five years ago. Remember when you created a big fire and basically tried to keep it hidden until we had a big to-do with our largest customer and I was brought up from my job duties to come fix your like entire performance for a month that you knew was wrong for a good 20 days? And after you told me an hour synopsis on how everything unrelated to the matter at hand is what probably happened but who knows because this standard software that everyone uses is unreliable and I just zoned out until you shut up then I showed you this button I built and showed you to press it and still no additional work was added to your day? And you were all happy that like 40% of your duties and 90% of your mistakes were being paired down to simply making sure that the automated system had good input and good output? Many days, less than 10 pairs of numbers had to be confirmed as your complete task duties. Your shit just couldn’t be wrong so we fixed it, showed you how to put two numbers next to each other, and then see if they are the same? But, and I’m just guessing based on everything else around here, you quit checking the input/output about 3 minutes after I had walked away five years ago. So, anyways, when you click the button it does the two steps you SAY you do but your job is to confirm this and that is correct; click the button; and confirm it matches the output. It should 100% of the time but, if not, you know you have a mistake so you can fix it before sending the work through.”
employee: “oh I never really knew why I was supposed to do that. [five minute tangent about how an unrelated matter is unrelated and from ten years ago] I’ve never really understood how to click the button either or why I did this or that.”
blax: “cool. so i’m moving all this from your responsibilities while I make a fix. This is good so I can run the real system in parallel with the new one I am testing because it needs to be rolled over by end of month. For about the next month, when you get the input, just scan it to my email.”
employee: “cool then you’ll come back and give us like a full training on this system you’re building?”
blax: “I’ll show it to you right now on this screen. See? The input doesn’t come through here anymore. It only came here to have the format converted, basically. So I just have the conversion computed two steps before you and then we’re able to get the steel fabrication AND loose assemblies into production — which is how we generate the revenue that funds payroll every week — about two days earlier because your office only seems to click the button twice a week instead of daily like I’ve insisted multiple times is the *only* right way, even when you’re not overly busy. So it’s faster, always correct, and doesn’t require an additional conversion after your step because, even thought you’ve been here forever and you’re responsible for things that I’d argue are much more important as those numbers, you’ve managed to establish that, after your full time job, I need to have a senior technical person perform a simple review task because the listed items are parts ‘you don’t get’ and it’s just, as I understood from your old manager, ‘not what you could do.’ Even though you deal with a bunch of topics you surely don’t get, including in your other core duties.”
employee: “So what do I do when this is on and I get the input, do I keep scanning it to you?”
blax: “the input goes away. this isn’t even your job. remember whenever we trace mistake back to some careless error by you, you just shrug and figure if it’s so important then someone else should do it because you say your job is to do [other stuff]? This is between the superintendent and the senior technical person so it’s staying between them so they can be responsible for it and, you’ll like this, I’ll know any mistakes will be between the two of them and you’ll be able to help me because your OTHER core duty will be used as a check on this! So you know that other button you click?”
employee: “I don’t push that other button anymore. Remember you told me that day to not push it because it wouldn’t do anything?”
blax: “Like a year ago? Yeah, you told me it wasn’t working. I fixed the link, tested it, and told you it was back up and let me know if there were more issues. You said it worked fine. You’ve told me since when I’ve just checked in that everything was working fine.”
employee: “I don’t know. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. I just thought you were asking about the This and That button.”
blax: “I’m just going to get myself copied on the input emails so you don’t have to forward them to me.”
employee: “So you want me to just print and file the input without the output?”
blax: “Yeah that’s fine for now if you want.”
employee: “Well, if there’s no output to go with it, do I need to print and file it?”
blax: “Good point. The filing format is being refined as well if you’d like to help me start reorganizing the existing folders. We’re slow now so it shouldn’t be that bad. Would really help me out too. I haven’t even figured out exactly how everything is going to completely work until the roll out is done. We’re still going to keep the paper files at the production shops though so that’ll be good to start getting in order.”
employee: “well, we don’t know when these current jobs will finish. some will probably be done before you change the filing format. shouldn’t we wait on this so we don’t waste hours of time on files that don’t need to be reorganized?”
blax: “yeah that’s fine too. really, Probably will not be more than a 20 minute task when the time comes anyways. Alright, I’m good. Gonna get out of here then.”
employee: “yeah. if you need to more about how we do things, you probably need to talk to the superintendent. But for like, anything else, let me know if you ever need anything.”
I’m gonna bring in Fozz to handle my layoffs….
If there’s an “industrial accident” at your workplace, you were here with us, the whole time.
I am just going to will this company to success around them. I don’t like eliminating folks who are basically otherwise unemployable, regardless of the background.
It should be as simple as, “this performance is actually damaging to the company and limiting our potential” but I prefer to exercise my ruthlessness with kids who are in an active shooting and calling for gun control while under assault through my BDE twitter account.