There are millions of ads, anecdotes, gossip, poems, psalms, stories and memes about true friends being those who stand by you and look out for your best interests, always, without fail. Well spare me the personal growth and judgin’ crap because this is a look at enablers.
Enablers never sermonize and are always up for a good time. That’s plenty of good right there, even if the fun is at one’s expense. “I’ll take care of the bill” is not in the enabler’s vernacular, nor is “I’ll handle this”.
Enabling entails some power imbalance. The enablee is likely the more powerful or resourceful one, and thus bears all the risks for the poor judgment and crapulence that the enabler brings out. For example,
Via postimages
Kissinger’s decades of celebrity and admiration is the apex of the Enabler Life: got his hands dirty on hundreds of bowls, was never the cook.
Enablers are gifted at excuses and justifications. But true enablers will not volunteer explanations and likely won’t give a fuck either way ever. This makes enablers irresistible when you want to get grimy and roll around in the mud and furlough your conscience for a while—whether for spite, kicks or (my favorite) just because. Validating the worst of your nature? THAT’s what enablers are for.
Enablers do not incur on self-harm. That is your jam. Beware of the enabler who frowns on designated driving. That’s recklessness, not enabling. And besides: folks who hate all rules make for very unpredictable evenings. Best leave hangs with those folks when grieving a loved one becomes too much.
Enablers witness you digging your own hole with the “Hey, we’re all adults here” free-will jiujitsu which built the careers of loan sharks, succesful pawn shop owners, and other lowball porn reality tv types. Accomplices or cronies cannot be enablers; that’s too much involvement. Nor are blackmailers, which is closer to a master-vassal relationship like
Via postimages.com
Enablers will not entrap you, because that would take effort. Being a spectator is most of enabling. It’s not an action role. The Enabler Duties Sheet include the odd drive (5%) and some goading (15%), but the work mostly involves validation (33%) and contacts for hard drugs (45%). Expenses are reimbursed in-kind (watching your increasing debasement), and in some union jurisdictions enablers get hazard pay (sixer of Busch) when the sap passes out waaaay early.
NFL NEWS
This is what I’m talking about:
Via Postimages / USATSI
Dan and Rog: now THAT’s an enabling relationship.
In mid December, 2017, allegations emerged of sexual impropriety and racial slurs by Jerry Richardson. Five months later, the NFL approved the sale of the Panthers to David Tepper. By contrast, Snyder has seemingly been Putin to Goodell’s Trump because the NFL has given more passes to Lil’ Dan than a Mike Martz offense.
The first time I became aware of Dan Snyder being a complete prick was during the early aughts. I wasted a moment of “boss is away” time theft reading Peter King. The way I remember, the item was the Redacteds’ novel idea of charging fans for preseason games and bundling the tickets for non-fitbaw with season ticket packages. This being PK, it was painted as visionary, in the way media types cream themselves over the oh-so-creative ways millionaires extract money from saps. Like when Jerry Jones cashed in on his son in law’s obsequious glasses cleaning.
Snyder, of course, is no Putin. Putin’s signature move is radioactive poisoning, while Snyder’s is siccing lawyers upon anyone denouncing Redactdom as a radioactive workplace. Two things have kept Snyder in business: regular folks’ court phobia and Roger Goodell, personal enabler.
In the salad days, Snyder was your typical millionaire shitbag: penny-pinching regular operations, overpaying for self-indulgence (whether over the hill vets, Spurrier or Albert Haynesworth), and being a stubborn fuckhead:
Remember that, at no time before the Covid lockdown / George Floyd protests in 2020, the NFL ever said anything about the Redacted team and trademarks. An enabler knows when to disengage and say “It’s a YOU problem, figure it out”.
SPROTS TONITE
All times Central:
The Zambonis
Detroit @ Tirana – 6:00
Jersey @ That’s it! Back to Winnipeg – 6:00
Anaheim @ Calgary – 7:00
L.A. @ Vancouver – 7:00
Yo La Tengo!
Filis (Falter) @ Patrulleros (Pérez) – 6:00
The Traveling Wilburys
Lakers @ Rockets – 6:00
Suns @ Thunda – 6:00
Pacers @ Cavs – 7:00
Sixers @ Bucks -7:00
Warriors @ Nugs – 7:30
Top Flight Motörhead
Hey, The Lemmys sponsored little league Greenbank FC in the 80s, so it’s bit-consistent.
YOU:
Besides, seeing a buncha infants doing the horn signs is worth a click. Do it.
Liga Profesional Argentina
Banfield hosts Platense – 7:30ish*
* Pitch invasions and flares permitting.
Colombia
Unión Magdalena hosts Rionegro Águilas – 6:10
Atlético Huila hosts Deportivo Cali – 8:20
Costa Rica
Doubleheader down by the CONCACAF Demilitarized Zone:
Alajuelense hosts Saprissa – 6:00
San Carlos hosts Cartaginés – 8:00
Honduras
Real España hosts Honduras Progreso – 6:00
Honduras Progreso is at the bottom, which is a national fútbol fact, not political commentary (source: CIA).
Secsi Mexi
Atlético San Luis hosts Mazatlán FC – 6:00
Querétaro hosts Pumas UNAM – 8:05
Ecuador
Orense hosts Guayaquil City FC – 7:00
Paraguay
General Caballero JLM hosts Sportivo Ameliano – 7:00
Perú
Deportivo Binacional hosts UTC – 6:00
On principle, I support Deportivo Binacional because it would piss off Bill Lee and Ron DeSantis.
Fuck those governors.
Venezuela
Zamora hosts Caracas FC – 6:30
FINALLY,
If everything works out to an acceptable solution, 2020 was the last of the NFL enablin’. From NBC Sports, 2/4/22:
Via NBC Sports
Back then team ownership was passed to Dan Snyder’s wife, under whose name the NFL got a season of the Most Generic Washington Football Team. It’s a big fuck you to Jerry Richardson alright, but any schadenfreude pales before EVERY GOD DAMN BREAK THE NFL HAS GIVEN DAN SNYDER.
Every parent and teacher knows that tolerating a brat is gonna make the brat worse at home and the classroom, with becoming a problem for society at large being in the cards. Tolerating a grown-ass alleged sexual abusing millionaire whose Big Deal corpo. marketing department pulled a real-life Porky’s reel of cheerleaders without their consent and with the blessing of Dan Snyder is, is…
Infuriating. Snyder will also get at least $6 billion for the Redacteds. Whatever. His legal troubles are just beginning. If the best thing Small Dan has is dirt on the NFL and owners–well, you better deliver fucko. Not that it will bring you brownie points, you flunky. Sad but true: if it weren’t for Congress, nothing would’ve happened.
Hate to finish on a downer, so
May apply to Snyder too. Have a great week, sickos
Banner via inalonelyplacefilm.com
I’ve been coughing so hard all day it made me puke several times. I feel like I’ve been run over by a bus. What the actual fuck? I’m a nice person, usually. I pay my taxes. It’s naht fayahhh!
That’s what Vegas smoke will do to ya. I used to get the same thing every time I came back from Vegas. Specially in the old days where people were smoking everywhere.
Hippo be all liek super-duper nihilistic of late. Even before swampass season arrives to do its worst.
Embrace bleakness and shirtlessness. Makes everything lighter.
He lives in The South. Shirtlessness just encourages the mosquitoes.
Plus my back fat sticks to the leather recliner. Which….ewwwwww
As always, excellent writing, counselor
….. WRESTLEMANIA IS ON!!!…..
It sounds like almost every match is great. The Triple Threat Match for the IC Title is already being called one of the best matches ever.
Whatever Triple H is doing, keep it up.
We had what looked like a shitty impromptu match with Shane mcmahon, who seemed to immediately get hurt.
Then snoop dog punched the miz and did a people’s elbow. Also improvised.
And now Russell Crowe is giving the intro for a hell in a cell
This reads like what someone found the following morning after a weekend tequila and cocaine binge.
EDIT: I guess I just solved Triple H’s creative process.
I had no idea that a day full of mundane tasks could tire me out so much. I wish I could just plop down and watch some TV but there’s still more to do.
I, to use a phrase learned from our pill aficionado water horse, did the square root of fuckall today, and I am ready for bed.
That TV isn’t gonna watch itself RTD, and those task will still be there tomorrow.
/slaps Rikki on the ass, hard
Now you get in there and you watch the fuck out of that TV. Maybe have a drink or four while you’re at it.
I wish I could but I have to go pick up the Dr. Mrs. at LAX at 6 a.m. Hence the need to tidy up the house.
And now, for your viewing pleasure, the latest installment of Stupid Questions from the Redshirt Family:
Me: (put bread in toaster)
Family: “Are you just having toast for dinner?”
Me: “No, I’m having sandwiches.”
Family: “With what?”
Me: “…protein.”
Family: “From where?”
Me: “Probably a cow or a pig.”
Do you deliver?
-me, I’m asking for me, I’m hungry
(few days later; GTD wakes up in his bedroom to a cow and a pig eating piles of sugar, yeast, flour, salt and olive oil)
GTD: “RERRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDSHIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!”
So, Clarksons farm, Canada Edition?
Real España v Honduras Progreso TIENE QUE SER political statement!
5 duros al España…
Claro, pero hay que leer el salón #pues
/Calls the FBI
(whispers). I don’t know what they’re saying but I can’t understand a word of it so I assume they’re going after whatever it is we’re calling the World Trade Center these days.
More like Horatio Karenblower, amirite?
Lucky Karen.
Does that work. I feel like I haven’t made the intent of that joke clear. See, what I’m claiming is that I’m highly skilled at cunn…
/is hit by boomerang thrown by Mrs. Horatio
//DFO link lost, user not found, 404.
Real España 3 Honduras Progreso 0….