Request Line: Takin’ the Kommentariat to the Zoo

INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY/NIGHT/DAY/NIGHT/DAY/NIGHT/DAY…

DJ 3000 and various other robot entities remain trapped in a time loop inside the KDFO recording studio. DJ 3000 is about to reverse the polarity on the power source to a contraption of wires and lenses as JIM NANCE 081-RD-92C looks on, but the other robots are clustered in a circle at the far side of the room. In the center of the circle are…

PETUNIA: All right, you pompous shitbag, I’ve had enough of your pedantry. YOU THINK YOU’RE BETTER THAN ME?

And…

YETI: You uncouth strumpet, have at thee!

The two robots come together in a tremendous clash of flying metal, sparks, and noise. PETUNIA manages to catch YETI with her beak, and slowly presses down into YETI’s innards.  A battery pack is punctured and YETI begins to spew heavy smoke.

ALL OTHER ROBOTS: JER-RY…JER-RY…JER-RY…

Meanwhile, DJ 3000 connects the final power cable…

— [portal through space and time flies open] —

JERRY SPRINGER: What the hell? This…is not what I pictured the afterlife to be like.

The spectator robots turn away from PETUNIA and the remains of YETI to observe the visitor.

DJ 3000: OH, THIS ISN’T THE AFTERLIFE.

JERRY SPRINGER: But…I thought I was supposed to pass on.

DJ 3000: OH, YOU WILL.  IT’S JUST A LITTLE MIX-UP WITH OUR TEMPORAL FIELD PUNCTURING DEVICE.

JERRY SPRINGER: I’m not stuck here, am I?

Everyone looks at MAXIMILIAN, who has some previous experience with traveling through rips in the space-time continuum. 

MAXIMILIAN: NO, YOU’LL BE ON YOUR WAY SHORTLY.

JERRY SPRINGER: That’s good, I was looking forward to being reunited with my loved ones. [notices the mangled smoking remains of YETI] Good gracious.  Looks like I’ll have a little company on my journey into the great beyond.

PETUNIA: Oh, don’t worry about him.  He’ll be right as rain when the time loop resets.

JOHN DIMAGGIO: Sorry to interrupt, Mr. Springer, but did you happen to notice who the Jets drafted in the first round?

JERRY SPRINGER: Sorry, no, I died before the draft started.

JOHN DIMAGGIO: Ah.  Yeah, sometimes I wish that would happen to me, too.  I do have to say, Mr. Springer, it truly is an honor to meet you.  On those days when I was a kid staying home sick from school you provided more comfort to me than my own mother.

JERRY SPRINGER: Well, thanks, that’s very gracious of you to say.  I do worry a lot about what kind of legacy I have left behind in the world.

DJ 3000: THAT’S UNDERSTANDABLE.

JIM NANCE 081-RD-92C: I wouldn’t be so hard on yourself.  You gave these people a national platform to air their grievances. Nobody outside of their trailer parks would give them so much as a dollar to buy a bottle of Yoo-hoo to avoid having their Type 2 diabetes send them into hypoglycemic shock.

JERRY SPRINGER: Yeah…but there were too many times I felt like I was the curator of a human zoo.

PETUNIA: Oh! Hey, that gives me an idea for a Request Line topic!

Everyone – including JERRY SPRINGER – turns to look at her. 

PETUNIA: We can do “zoo animals”.

DJ 3000: THAT’S A PRETTY GOOD TOPIC BUT WE’VE ALREADY SORT OF DONE THAT WITH MAMMALS AND AGAIN WITH BIRDS.  AND IT’S PROBABLY TOO RICH OF A TOPIC.

PETUNIA: Yeah, but what if we did it draft style? So once an animal is picked it’s off the board.

JOHNNY 5: THAT JUST MIGHT BE CRAZY ENOUGH TO WORK.

DJ 3000: AND THEN WAIT THREE SONGS BEFORE YOU PICK AGAIN?

PETUNIA: Sure!

JIM NANCE 081-RD-92C: What about if they request entire classes of animals? Like, say, “birds”?

PETUNIA: Those won’t count as picks, those will just be for fun.  Same for songs about zoos themselves, or habitats within the zoos.

DJ 3000: THAT SOUNDS LIKE FUN, LET’S GIVE IT A TRY.  JERRY, DO YOU WANT TO GET US STARTED WITH THE FIRST PICK?

JERRY SPRINGER: Sure…why don’t we go with a little Survivor to get things started.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TtnLtwR8DW4

Today’s theme is: Zoo animals.  We’re looking for songs about animals – preferably ones that you’d find in zoo but others are fine too.  Post links as “https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b16_L!z4rD_15” and they should embed in the comments after you refresh.  Last week’s puzzle answer “Making my way downtown…” which was instantly solved by BeefReeferLives with the correct answer of “1000 Miles” by Vanessa Carlton.  Remember to number your picks, and to wait three songs in between picks.  And feel free to request other songs (zoos, habitats, etc) at your leisure. Have at it!