Sexy Friday – 20230428

TGIF! Let’s get right to it because I need a nap before this evening’s game.

Survival – Personal Edition

Speaking of which, occasionally a hockey puck will exit the rink over the dashers and into the crowd. About a month ago, one whistled right by my head and hit a seat right behind me. Then it bounced back down and I got a puck! Which I gave to a kid in my row. Since then, I’ve learned how to deal with one of the worst outcomes: taking that puck to the eye. Let me share what I’ve learned.

  • Get the person lying down on their back. This will help prevent eye fluid leaking out.
  • Elevate their head with a piece of clothing like a jacket. Keeping their head above heart level will reduce pressure in the eye and skull.
  • Apply a cold compress to the area. Ice in a bag will work here. No matter the cold compress used, make sure to use a layer of clothing to prevent freezing the skin. Place the cold compress on the tissue around the eye area, making sure not to apply pressure on the eye itself. Also, be aware that the person’s eye socket may have fractured from the impact, so be careful to not cause further damage with excess pressure.
  • Administer pills. Ibuprofen is ideal, but acetaminophen will work as well. Avoid aspirin due to bleeding concerns, which could cause issues if the person needs an eye operation.
  • Get help. Hopefully arena personnel have already arrived by now along with a medic. If not, get someone to get them there. They’ll figure out if an emergency room visit and/or eye operation are needed.

There you go! Next time keep your head on a swivel and catch it or duck.

Click here to get to commenting

Survival – Species Edition

Time to put the sexy in Friday!

Enjoy the weekend, folks! Alright, now let’s get to what’s most important: Commenting and drinking!

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Mr. Ayo
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WCS

WHAHT THE FACKIN FACK HAWKEY IS FOAH LOSAHS AHNYWAYS GO SAWX FACK THAH YAHNKEES

https://www.espn.com/nhl/recap/_/gameId/401541582

Sharkbait

I’m in a group chat with Bruins fans and a Devils fan. This playoffs has sucked so far.

WCS

Punishment fits the crime, as far as I’m concerned.

Sharkbait

Welp. The Kraken get their first game 7

Brocky

Spoiler

Yay more

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ballsofsteelandfury

Yay!

Horatio Cornblower

I would definitely date her. I’d save a fortune on meals.

King Hippo

Those shoulders are perfection hush yo’ mouth

Sharkbait

Goodnight Minnesota Wild

WCS

Do the Wild count as an NHL franchise? They’re less relevant than the 500s, who somehow have just as many playoff (series) wins in the same amount of time.

Sharkbait

Very good question.

Brocky

I once said that any team with jerseys that look like cans of ginger ale shouldn’t be taken seriously

blaxabbath

Lotta scrabble points in the names of ginger ale manufacturers feels like my guess.

Brocky

I ain’t sleeping yet

Spoiler

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WCS

Ayo,

the audio from the crowd sounds like, “OVER-RATE-TED.” That cannot be right. Right? RIGHT?!

Last edited 1 year ago by WCS
Sharkbait

That’s playing with fire

WCS

That’s playing catch with a hive of murder hornets.

WCS

Alright. Thank God.

2Pack

It’s lady 14 who got my attention this time. Thanks Mr Ayo quality work as usual.

LongtimeLionsLoser

Lady 14 makes it sounds like she’s your last victim being described on “CSI: Racine.”

Horatio Cornblower

Just back from my monthly poker tournament. New guy got out to a big lead, then announced he had to get home because his wife didn’t know where he was, then started calling anything without looking at his cards. And he could. not. lose. Knocked me out (Q-10 suited, 3,000+ in chips with 600 big blinds), when his 6-4 hit, then knocked a bigger stack out when he didn’t look at his cards until after the river and turned over two pair.

He wasn’t acting maliciously, and pretty sure just super awkward, but oh my god I can’t think of a better way to never be invited back than playing like that and winning.

So, how about those Bruins?

Gumbygirl

Christ, you live in New England. You know what to do. Tie him up, throw him in the pond, and see if he floats, sheesh.

Horatio Cornblower

Goddamn I wish I’d thought of that. You’re a fucking genius, Gumbygirl.

Gumbygirl

Fucking A.

blaxabbath

You guys ain’t bringing him back cuz he was way up. Don’t use his bad win as the excuse.

Horatio Cornblower

There’s not enough money involved for anyone to care that much. A freak win is fine, but not looking at your cards and saying you have to be home by 11 in a game that never ends before 1 is a different animal.

Again, I think he’s just a really awkward guy. The regular who brought him in was clearly uncomfortable with how it was playing out.

blaxabbath

Oh well, yeah then — shoot him.

Redshirt

DL, CB, S

I know “Defense wins Championships,” but you need to keep the offense rolling and Burrow out of intensive care.

King Hippo

I’d be looking interior OL for y’all next

herodotus450

Only thing you should be worried about is draftign a new owner

Redshirt

My theory is that his daughter has taken over but they haven’t told Mike. Based on the team’s performance the past two years, its the only theory that makes sense.

blaxabbath

Smgdh

TheRevanchist

Finally making that wise move to replace Eli Apple, who thinks he is a great player, despite what every other person in the world sees. Might be the moves that actually put them in real contention.

Brocky

Okay, might be the last one, I might be going to sleep

Spoiler

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Haha, got you again!

ballsofsteelandfury

Nice!

2Pack

This is so out of character for you.

King Hippo

Been a good draft for Coach Epps and YInz fellow travelers of SWPA

Redshirt

I knew that trade down would screw us over somehow.

Gumbygirl

Hook it to my veins!

Redshirt

When I’m elected Evil Overlord of the World, anyone who identifies as an “Influencer” will be subject to immediate summary execution. NO EXCEPTIONS!

2Pack

Need to go after the idiots who follow them too.

Doktor Zymm

Meh, kinda boring, but not bad rhyming “draft” with “chaffed”. I’ll give it a C

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Doktor Zymm

Now this is just incorrect

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Gumbygirl

Lies!

2Pack

Show us your proof of this “popularity”

WCS

OF COURSE the Ratbirds take a linebacker that will cause me kidney stones for five years.

King Hippo

Has anyone been to that KC WWI museum? I will admit to finding that an interesting concept.

Gumbygirl

We drove past Kansas City once.

Redshirt

My friend’s family’s van broke down in Kansas City and they had to spend a week there.

He is still recovering.

LongtimeLionsLoser

Horror movies start like that…

Horatio Cornblower

It’s not like I don’t know how it ends.

WCS

Ice Jets dispatched by the Vichy Whalers.

Both of these franchises do not deserve anything good or wholesome.

Brocky

Since ayo is apparently too drunk to approve my comment

Spoiler

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King Hippo

He’s in TrutherLand, ready to be disappoint by teh Kraken

WCS

(I.E. too drunk to approve his comment)

Brocky

Spoiler

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WCS

See?

ballsofsteelandfury

Approved!

scotchnaut

Giants fans are saying that their first three picks have been mocked to them in the first round several times. Not sure about that but I’m not gonna complain about the picks that have been made so far.

Horatio Cornblower

I don’t know about the center from the second round, but Banks and Hyatt would be considered steals where they Giants got them. now they just have to actually pan out. But just based on pre-draft scouting the Giants are definitely getting over Gettleman.

King Hippo

Is Tarzana, CA actually a real place that exists??

SonOfSpam

It’s real but I don’t think anyone has ever been there.

Game Time Decision

This week’s survival guide can be summed up, as from my 1990’s first aid course:
R rest
I ice
C Compression
E elevation

Gumbygirl

RICED. D for Drugs.

King Hippo

wipes away tear of pride

Horatio Cornblower

You could also just keep your eyes on the game during action, thereby ensuring you don’t get a surprise puck in the eye.

Sharkbait

Use my method:

R ye

I ce

C itrus

E njoy

Brocky

Hippo i found a gif you may like

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WCS

Second-most-successful Donks QB this millennium!

King Hippo

Well, you’re off Smokin’ Jay’s Xmas card list now smgdh

WCS

You mean the card from 14 years ago that he shat on and left to fossilize?

SonOfSpam

The Happy Hooker Goes To Detroit

LongtimeLionsLoser

“Why did Detroit get the Hooker? We needed the Hooker on our boat.”

-Fred Smoot

Last edited 1 year ago by LongtimeLionsLoser
Gumbygirl

Gumby just was on a conference call with the Steelers and their number one pick, Broderick Jones. I was at the store and missed it, boo. He told his best friend before the draft he was praying they would pick him. He is excite!

SonOfSpam

Good for him! The Stillers have done goodly so far.

Gumbygirl

He got on this list years ago, he’s been on calls with pretty much everyone Yinzburgh related.

Sharkbait

The ice giants are hanging on by a thread and I’ll be at a wedding for most of their must win game 6. Thankfully the bar is open. Let’s hope for happy drinking tomorrow.

Senor Weaselo

I am *checks sched* not playing this wedding, on account of not Jewish!

Sharkbait

You wont come crash the wedding in Boston…

SonOfSpam

Mrs just brought up something about Alito…in our less-than-a-minute conversation I referred to him as
1) bitch
2) cock
3) absolute queef of a human being

Did I miss anything?

Brocky

I tried to shit talk an AI and redshirt is having Vietnam style flash backs to previous drafts.

Oh yeah my weekly sexy comment isn’t loading

Yeah So not much

Gumbygirl

Soulless goblin.

scotchnaut

You allow your wife to read? I thought you were better than that, Spam. smgdh…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Troll.

King Hippo

Hippo would take Ringo (CB, UGA) here, guarantee you Fatass takes a RB or TE.

King Hippo

eh, ILB is at least a need. And Our Equine Lord and SavioUr no doubt rolled over in his grave.

LongtimeLionsLoser

“Equine Lord and SavioUr” – Leave Barbaro out of this!

WCS

Someone check on Hendon Hooker’s uncle, who either lapsed into a coma, or just died on the couch.

scotchnaut

I’ve been kicked off a Giants fan site for 24 hours. I think it might be about that rant about the Jews and the banking industry ruling the world but I can’t get a straight answer from any of the mods.

Horatio Cornblower

The crooked responses match their noses, amirite?

/gets banned from same fan site, despite not being a Giants fan

WCS

Takes three-and-a-half hours for Round One, we’re going to knock out Two and Three combined in 90 minutes.

WCS

Did Redshirt glitch with the Dan Wilkinson reference?

Brocky

.. maybe

herodotus450

Mimsy

SonOfSpam

were the borogoves

scotchnaut

“And the bananas exploded in the handful of traffic lights… Nailed It!”

-T. Green

Senor Weaselo

Frumious Bandersnatch is my preferred Cumberbatch nomenclature.

SonOfSpam

Oh I love this song

/jams knitting needles into ears
//not mine, of course

scotchnaut

Juice Scruggs and his Fancy Banjo Band are a mainstay at the Grand Ole Opry.

King Hippo

the ONLY goddamned thing we DON’T need is WR

Redshirt

Okay, now that everyone has been picked, it’s the Bengals turn.

King Hippo

Can’t argue with Not Fiona Apple

WCS

/draft room door flies open

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King Hippo

Hippo just THOUGHT ah sure as sheeeit am glad Fatass Payton ain’t trade up.

How fast will this prove a jinx?

King Hippo

UPDATE: Godfuckingdamnit

Brocky

So be forwarned, if the AI becomes sentient and starts compiling foot pics, it’s probably my fault

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Brocky

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Redshirt

If this what AI is all about, TV and movies have really oversold this thing.

Last edited 1 year ago by Redshirt
WCS

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Just what they want us to think…

Redshirt

You can say that, fellow human being.

WCS

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Redshirt

.

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WCS

I don’t know or what a Gondor is. Definitely familiar with the pastiness, though.

Horatio Cornblower

I do, and it makes that cartoon absolutely hilarious.

Brocky

Spoiler

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ballsofsteelandfury

LOVE Betty Rubble!

Gumbygirl

What do you think here WCS? Gumby and I think they’ll go defensive line.

WCS

Beef all around. Not just the sexah up above.

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Brocky

This remind me, I got fitted for a suit jacket two weeks ago.

My stomach is almost as big as my dad’s. He’s 30 years older and he’s a good six inches taller than me.

I need a Diet, but damn if I’m not gonna eidk that jacket

WCS

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Brocky

I’ve been working two jobs for over a year HOW AM I STILL THIS FAT?!?!!?

King Hippo

welcome to old, it ain’t get no better

King Hippo

That dude is READY for #TampaLyf

King Hippo

of course the P*ts guy wanted to shout out the Nazi fans

WCS

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

/sorry, I saw Goodell, and instinct and muscle memory take over

Brocky

Tune in to see the colts draft someone.

Me: fuck Indianapolis. The people in there deserve everything bad that happens to them.

Friend: doesn’t your mom live in indy?

Me:

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