Request Line: Ten

INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY

All the lights are off in the studio, and it’s completely silent.  After a few moments, we see a single light begin flashing in the darkness.  Several more lights begin flashing, and it becomes clear that the lights belong to…

…DJ 3000′.  Once he finishes booting up, the fluorescent overhead lights in the studio come on and HUNTER RENFROW leaps into view from where he was hiding behind the couch holding a giant placard.

HUNTER RENFROW: Happy Anniversary, buddy!

DJ 3000′: OH WOW, YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE!

HUNTER RENFROW: Hey, it’s a special occasion! I had to.

DJ 3000′: I HOPE THAT SIGN WASN’T TOO EXPENSIVE.

HUNTER RENFROW: Nah, we’re getting into prime lawn-cutting season so I’ve plenty of cash.  Besides, I read in Mike Brown’s book that I can deduct the cost from Renfroco’s income as a capital expenditure.

DJ 3000′: THAT IS REALLY FUN.  NOW I UNDERSTAND WHY YOU ACTUALLY PLANNED AHEAD AND GAVE ME TODAY’S TOPIC AHEAD OF TIME.  I EVEN PLANNED A LITTLE SURPRISE OF MY OWN.

HUNTER RENFROW: Really? Do share!

DJ 3000′: SO YOU REMEMBER HOW I WAS WORKING TO BRUTE-FORCE THE ENCRYPTION PROTOCOLS ON THE MEMORY BACKUPS FOR THE ORIGINAL DJ 3000?

HUNTER RENFROW: Um…no.  That sounds suspiciously like retroactive continuity to me.

DJ 3000′: YEAH, WELL, I FINALLY CRACKED THEM!

HUNTER RENFROW: That’s, uh, good news, I guess?

DJ 3000′: IT MEANS I WAS FINALLY ABLE TO READ THROUGH ALL THE OLD ARCHIVES! I FIGURED GIVEN THIS WEEK’S TOPIC I WOULD PICK OUT MY FAVORITE EDITION OF REQUEST LINE FOR EACH OF THE TEN YEARS WE’VE BEEN DOING THIS.

HUNTER RENFROW: Oh, fun! You’ll read them off on the air?

DJ 3000′: THAT’S WHAT I FIGURED.  ARE YOU READY TO GO LIVE?

HUNTER RENFROW: Let’s hit it!

DJ 3000′ counts it off and the “On Air” display lights up.

HUNTER RENFROW: [into the microphone] Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Request Line! I’m your host Hunter Renfrow and I’m delighted to welcome you to our special Tenth Anniversary edition of the show – our 280th edition in total.  We really appreciate all of you having spent so much time with us and hope you’ve had as much fun as we’ve had along the way.  Now if I may, please allow me to introduce DJ 3000′ with a special treat for today’s show.

DJ 3000′: GREETINGS, LISTENERS.  AS MANY OF YOU KNOW, I AM NOT THE ORIGINAL DJ 3000.

HUNTER RENFROW: [nods head respectfully]

DJ 3000′: NOW, THIS ISN’T ONE OF THOSE “DREAD PIRATE ROBERTS” SITUATIONS WHERE…

HUNTER RENFROW: Ooh, but wouldn’t that be cool if…

DJ 3000′ cuts HUNTER RENFROW’s microphone, eliciting a scowl. 

DJ 3000′: …I RECEIVED EXTENSIVE TRAINING OVER A PERIOD OF YEARS TO TAKE OVER THE POSITION.  I’VE BEEN WINGING IT THE ENTIRE TIME I’VE BEEN HERE. BUT FORTUNATELY, I’VE MANAGED TO ACCESS THE ORIGINAL MEMORIES OF DJ 3000, AND IN HONOR OF DOORFLIESOPEN’S TENTH ANNIVERSARY I FIGURED I’D SHARE MY TEN FAVORITE EDITIONS OF THE SHOW, ONE FROM EACH PAST YEAR.

DJ 3000′ adjusts his voice modulation to make it more palatable for reciting the list.

1. Deep Cuts with Ray Lewis. It was the prototype that set the mold for future editions of the show, and the topic – unfamiliar tracks from familiar artists – remains one of the most interesting ones we’ve ever done.

2. Don’t Know Much About Algebra featuring host Russell Okung, fresh off of attempting to negotiate his own contract without the services of an agent. Another fun topic from back in the days when such topics were numerous and plentiful, and the show was starting to really hit its stride.

3. Flight Plan (aka HOW THE FUCK YOU DOIN’, FLYBOYS?).  An homage to the classic Rex Ryan kharacter from DFO’s progenitor, KissingSuzyKolber.

4. Family Business featuring Shaquill and Shaquem Griffin.  We finally get to spend a little time with THE PRODUCER in an extensive interview with the twin brothers that ends on a bit of a tense note.

5. Eli’s Slumber Party Mixtape Volume 4 (Promises).  If I could choose the entire ESPM series, I would – it’s one of my favorite extended narratives in the Request Line universe.  So many favorite characters turn up – Eli, Daniel “DJ Delirium” Jones, Olivia Manning, Amy Trask, Virginia McCaskey, Fluffernutter…but this edition is my pick of the lot because it brings a few different narratives together, including a rare instance of Ashley Manning dropping her usual facade of wide-eyed innocence for a few moments.

6. VisionQuest 2020 (Part 1). The introduction to the VisionQuest 2020 series, in which the Producer, cocooned in the studio as a result of the COVID-19 pandemic and having more or less lost his mind, has to spend the next 15 hours in a state of near-comatose intoxication in order to avoid losing his eyesight due to methanol poisoning.

7. Weekend at Zuernie’s Part 7 (Promotional Art): The conclusion of the whole Weekend at Zuernie’s series, where Cole Beasley joins the sleazy DFO studio executives to produce a film, and they successfully manage to offload the project to Old School Zero. A really fun topic for the final edition of the 2021 season.

8. PROXIMITY ALERT featuring DeShaun Watson. Topical!

9. Taking the Kommentariat to the Zoo. The robot gang shares a touching farewell with the recently passed Jerry Springer.  One of the few editions of Request Line that was done draft style.

10. Do as You’re Told. [to HUNTER RENFROW] the very first edition where we worked together!

HUNTER RENFROW: Aw…

DJ 3000′: BUT ENOUGH REMINISCING – IT’S TIME TO MOVE FORWARD! CARE TO EXPLAIN TODAY’S TOPIC FOR OUR LISTENERS?

HUNTER RENFROW: Sure! Today’s topic is simply “Ten”.  We’re looking for songs that have anything to do with the number 10.  Whether that’s part of the song title, band name, or album title is up to you, that’s all fair game.  I’ll get us started with a tribute to Request Line being on the air for ten years now. Thanks for listening, and thank you for all your requests!

Today’s theme is “Ten”.  We’re looking for songs that have anything to do with the number 10.  Please links as “https://www.youtube.com/watch?0r3Lo8 and they should embed in the comments after you refresh.  Last week puzzle answer of “I Won’t Back Down” by Tom Petty was again snagged by SonOfSpam. Happy Anniversary, everybody. Thanks so much for ten wonderful years of music!