Tonight’s post category again comes from my stomach. Well, probably closer to my liver. I don’t drink like I did when I was younger. Truth be told, I hardly drink at all and I can’t really tell you when was the last time I went to a bar.

However, that will not deter me from going back through Memory Lane to go over all the drinks I’ve ordered in my lifetime. Through experience, I’ve figured what is the best thing to get when you’re at a bar or club that serves alcoholic beverages. Tonight I’m discussing my favourite ones.

As I mentioned in the first post, the plan is for this to be an ongoing off-season series on Saturday nights in which I present to you my five favourite somethings and then you comment and tell me:

• How I’m wrong
• Your Top Five
• Suggestions for the next top five list

Without further ado, I present to you my Top Five Bar Orders!

1 – Beer on Tap

It’s the easiest thing in the world for the bartender to do and it’s the fastest way to get alcohol in your bloodstream outside of buttchugging. Also, beer from the tap invariably tastes better than beer in a can or a bottle.

The beer I prefer to drink from the tap is Guinness, but that’s not necessarily available everywhere. On the other hand, there are places that have hundreds of beers on tap and you can try as many as you want.

Most smaller bars will have a few beers on tap and that’s fine. Unless it’s Bud Light (and that’s a statement on the quality of Bud Light not anything having to do with the current controversy), it will probably be good.

Pros:

Easiest and fastest way to drink.

Hard to fuck up.

Cons:

The selection might be limited.

2 – Seven and Seven

When we were young high school underage drinkers, we didn’t have beer, and we wanted to look sophisticated, we made highballs. A highball is a family of cocktails that use base alcohol and a larger percentage of mixer, like fruit juice or soda water. Your typical highballs are Screwdrivers (vodka and orange juice), Jack and Cokes (Jack Daniels and Coca Cola), Mimosas (champagne and orange juice), and Palomas (Tequila and Squirt).

I wanted to stand out, so my drink was the Seven and Seven: Seagram’s Seven Whiskey and Seven Up. As my palate became even more sophisticated (please read the extreme sarcasm here), I would switch it up and make it a Seven and Ginger: Seagram’s Seven and Ginger Ale.

What can I say? I was young. However, I still stand by this drink. It is easy to make, gets the job done, and is delicious! As I was able to get into bars, this was the drink I’d order.

Pros:

Almost as easy to make as pouring a beer from the tap.

It is a very good combination that feeds my sweet tooth.

Cons:

It is hard to get the ratio of spirit to soda just right. Sometimes it’s better just to make your own.

3 – Bloody Mary

At first glance, this may seem like a difficult drink for a bartender to make because it has so many ingredients. However, once you know that they make their mix well in advance (if they are a good bar and make their own mix) or simply pour it out of a bottle, you realize this isn’t that difficult.

A well-made Bloody (Mary or Caesar, player’s choice) is like heaven on earth. It is my Go-To Breakfast drink. Years back, before Sunday Ticket, I’d go to the bars on Sunday morning to watch games. I ALWAYS ordered Bloodys.

Depending on the garnishes, it could be a complete breakfast!

One thing to note is that I would never order this after noon. I’m like an Italian with cappuccinos in that way. A man has to have principles.

Pros:

Delicious and nutritious.

They go down easier than Nancy Reagan.

Cons:

Too many times, bartenders make them too spicy.

There are many options for how to make them, so consistency is not there across different bars. You need to find a place that makes them like you like and keep going there.

4 – Piña Colada

I practically live on piña coladas when I am on vacation anywhere warm that has access to a poolside or oceanside bar. I will not order anything else.

If I am at an All-Inclusive resort, I tell the bartender or waiter to bring me a fresh one when my existing one is down to a quarter full and to keep them coming all day long.

Unfortunately, I haven’t been on vacation to a beach in a LONG time. I really need to fix that.

Pros:

Have I mentioned I have a sweet tooth?

Even the non-frozen variety is good. Plus, Malibu Rum has a pre-made one in a can that’s delicious!

Cons:

I will judge you Hippo-like if you order one at a regular bar. This is a vacation or beach drink only.

5 – Shot of Tequila, Mexican Style

The American way of doing tequila shots is to lick your hand (or another body part) pour salt on it, and then proceed to:

• Lick the salt off
• Suck a lime wedge
• Swallow a shot of tequila

Otherwise known as the Lick, Suck, and Swallow technique.

The way Mexicans do tequila shots is to pour a shot glass of tequila, pour a shot glass of sangrita (Literally, little blood. It’s a non-alcoholic chaser that you can make or buy. The gold standard to buy is “Viuda de Sánchez”), and either pour a shot glass of lime juice or cut up lime wedges. The procedure is thus:

• Sip the tequila
• Sip the sangrita
• Suck the lime wedge or sip the juice

I prefer the Mexican version. If you go with the shot of lime juice instead of the cut up wedges, that’s called a Bandera cocktail (because lime juice is green, tequila is clear/white, and sangrita is red, the colours of the Mexican flag).

I prefer lime wedges.

Pros:

It’s the classier more adult version of a shot.

Cons:

I think you pretty much have to be IN México to enjoy this. However, some high-end Mexican places may offer this.

***

What say you in the comments?