Welcome back to another edition of The Jalen Ramsey Show. Same show. Same valuable information worth the price you’re paying for it! We have open lines at 305-943-8000. You’ll notice we’ve changed the number up….

…

Go Heat.

…

Good to be back in the Sunshine State. These women, huh? Cali may have a higher average but when you’ve just inked a $55million extension, I’d just rather get my fill of 10’s than face an abundance of 8’s and 9’s. But hey, some guys — namely Josh Allen — are happy to wallow with the hogs. Anyways, lines are coming to life and everyone out east must already be at work so we’ll start out in the west! Tempe, Arizona where we welcome on line one….we have…look, it’s something like Gooterizlo. Welcome to The Jalen Ramsey Show, Mr….X, we’ll say.

Hello Jalen. Thank you taking my call. Glad to get your voice so clearly through the Bose Speakers that come in my new E Class. Bose, it’s how Russell Wilson is so cool. How are you doing today?

Better than the Jaguars under Tom Coughlin. Always. How can I help you….sir?

Got a quick problem. I mean, it’s not quick. It’s over.

Who are you and why are you calling my show, dork?!

Hi. Sorry. Xavier Gutierrez. CEO and Alternate Governor of the Arizona Coyotes. You got that fine last year against Arizona, remember. You know we actually used to play up in Glendale there at an arena next to the Cardinals and yeah they suck. What a dump that place is too. So I get —

You must be faster and speak more clearly. That football stadium is fine. So was that arena specifically built for the Coyotes that you all forced your way out of. Saw Arena Bowl there once. Reminded me of Any Given Sunday.

Well that was all before me anyways. So, yeah, no bad history here. I don’t even go to the west valley. I’m actually from California here. San Jose. Well, Guadalajara to NorCal by way of….well, LA. Like yourself. Go Dodgers! Love that Roundtable Pizza! 

Faster. The only problem I see here is some geek who —

I’m in trouble Jalen! I don’t know anything about all this. I mean, I know. It actually isn’t that hard — it’s just a big machine and it kind of runs itself. But this like cannot be happening. So there’s a landfill in Tempe and we’re playing in the new college arena — you believe that? True story. With this new building, we’d be able to sell quintuple the high rise advertising wrap space! — Anyways. Needed a stupid voter referendum. We were gonna cover landfill remediation (call it $70million) and, in return, we get to use the land for a $2.1billion dollar project with a 16,000 seat arena, 1,600 apartments, two hotels, a practice rink, and 300,000 SF of upscale retail. You hear that?! It’s got a fucking mall, Jalen! Anyways, got shot down, mi amigo. Bad. Buncha fuckin’ old racists hate capitalism I guess. Must be real landfill officiandos down there. Love trash. Probably eat it.  

Didn’t they just build the hockey arena for ASU you are in? The little one?

Yeah but that was for their ice hockey rink. This is for OUR ice hockey rink. But, you know, really it’s about the development. But mostly it’s about the politics. Fucking Phoenix bullied them on something with the airport. Like, hello, you don’t have to fly in. That’s why we’re building the apartments for you to live in. It’s greener to use less jet fuel, Phoenix. Hello, right?

I mean, I haven’t spent a ton of time over there but isn’t that spot by ASU already super congested considering it’s the only place in the entire metroplex where the natural conditions are not flat desert but, actually, there’s a football stadium in the mountain and a lake a few hundred feet away? Seems like that is the kind of real estate you would have been wise to have gotten on early. By early, I mean when whoever installed you to frijoleswash the leadership culture of this organization chose to build in the Glendale farm fields that were in the middle of nowhere that are still in the middle of nowhere AND the state has already built another loop freeway beyond the stadium district? You want some premium land for $70mil?

Well, what else are these fucking bumpkins going to do?? It’s just fucking dirt until SOMEONE develops it. I’m saying I’ll develop it and I’ll save you some money. This isn’t what big cities do. You gotta take care of the job creators. And having the Big 4! You’re telling me 30,000 people represent YOTES NATION?! Plus the civic pride we bring too, Jalen.

ASU is going to take over that land eventually. They’re taking over that whole area. They already have like a tech park and an innovation park where they do that public-private partnership stuff. That’s fine. It can stay a dump. That’s valuable real estate that I doubt Tempe will have the funds to reacquire in 15 years when ASU is ready for it.

We could rent them space! We offer special incentive programs for multi-year education leases! We could even offer to let them use our hockey rink for their team! 

Ten seconds or less — what topic would you like me to address today?

Negotiations. We tried playing nice and now I need to play hard ball. See my photo above. How do I simply command this thing into existence?

Well, you’re not going to have any familiarity with this since the only NHL team you know is the Arizona Coyotes but it’s called a win. And not just a win, a win-win. It’s the thing you’re all too greedy to ever achieve. Times two. Good luck, Skipper.

And that’s what these Californians are. They come in, tell you what’s good for you without knowing the facts, and when you shoot them down, they get all dumb and call you a racist and ignorant for not seeing what a great deal they’re promising. How could you vote against these promises and historic performance?! Texans and Californians man, they’re exactly the same. All you folks who believe in local governance, keep your nose down and we’ll see you next time, right here, on The Jalen Ramsey Show.