INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY

The PRODUCER is seated comfortably behind the soundboard, looking somewhat reverent.  Seated inside the booth is arguably the greatest athlete in human history, fiddling with the microphone height.

BO JACKSON: All right, that – hic – feels like that should do it.  How’s it – hic – sound?

PRODUCER: The levels look fine, but there’s this weird…I don’t even know what to call it…hitch that comes through ever couple of seconds.

BO JACKSON: Oh, yeah, that’s actually – hic – me. I’ve got the hiccups. Sorry – hic – about that.

PRODUCER: [chuckling] I guess Bo Knows diaphragm spasms, huh?

BO JACKSON: It’s actually a pretty – hic – serious problem – it’s been bugging me – hic – for almost a year.

PRODUCER: Oh, wow.  That’s awful.  Sorry for making a joke.

Suddenly, the phone lines begin lighting up.

PRODUCER: What the…? Oh. Nuts. Mr. Jackson, I’m really embarrassed…normally this wouldn’t be a problem with DJ 3000 handling these things, but I must have accidentally pushed the R-134B transmitter button when I was trying to get the integrated FaceTime calling system set up.

BO JACKSON: Okay…what – hic – does that mean?

PRODUCER: Um…it means that we’ve been on the air the whole time.

BO JACKSON: [makes a sour face] Oh, well, that’s just f…[catches self]…ing – hic – fantastic.  Really love the idea of making my – hic – hiccup problem a topic of discussion for the whole – hic – world, appreciate it.

PRODUCER: Well, let’s see if we can make some lemonade out of this, maybe some folks have got some good ideas on how to fix your issue. Caller 1, you are speaking to Bo Jackson.

— [VIDEO CALL FLIES OPEN] —

LONGTIMELIONSLOSER: Hi Bo! What an honor.  Very sorry to hear about your condition.  I was wondering…have you tried breathing into a paper bag?

BO JACKSON: Yeah, that’s one of the very – hic – first things I tried.

LONGTIMELIONSLOSER: How about pulling up your knees to your chest and leaning forward? Like you’d do if your favorite team traded their franchise quarterback away only to see him lead his new squad to a Super Bowl title just a year later.  Also I guess if that happened you’d be shaking and crying and rocking back and forth, but I think those parts are optional as far as hiccups are concerned.

BO JACKSON: Trust me, I’ve – hic – tried all the traditional stuff.  Maybe we could just move on to the – hic – music part of the show?

LONGTIMELIONSLOSER: Hang on, I’ve got another idea.  What if you…

The PRODUCER punches a button and disconnects the caller.

PRODUCER: Sorry, I could tell he was going to talk our ears off.  It sounds like you’re ready to start taking requests, have you got a topic in mind?

BO JACKSON: I do – I thought we could – hic – do “knowing things”.

PRODUCER: Oh, like your old commercials?

BO JACKSON: – hic – Yeah.

PRODUCER: Sounds good, [punches a button] Caller 2, welcome to Request Line, have you got a song request?

— [VIDEO CALL FLIES OPEN] —

ELI MANNING: [holding a flashlight up to his face and trying his best to sound ominous]

A sour smell invaded my nostrils. The smell of decay. Of ancient dust. Of death. The flashlight had landed beside me on the concrete floor. I followed its beam of light toward the wall…and GASPED.

PRODUCER: Um…

ELI MANNING: [eagerly] Did it work?

BO JACKSON: Did what – hic – work?

ELI MANNING: Oh. I guess not. I was hoping if I gave you a good scare it would frighten the hiccups away.

ELI MANNING holds up the book he was reading from.

ELI MANNING: It’s a really good one.

PRODUCER: I’m sure it is, Eli.  [punches the disconnect button] But we’ve got a show to run, and we need some song requests…

— [VIDEO CALL FLIES OPEN] —

AARON RODGERS: First off, it’s a massive HIPPA violation for you to even be discussing Bo’s hiccups on the air.  Second, hiccups are the result of toxins in your blood.  Now you can cleanse these toxins by making a tea of this plant that grows in the jungle along the Manambolo river on the island of Madagascar, you just need to…

PRODUCER: [disconnects call] Okay, moving on…

— [VIDEO CALL FLIES OPEN] —

ANDY REID: [eating from a giant tub of honey] Have you tried eating spoonful after spoonful of honey until there’s no more honey left in the house?

PRODUCER: Bo already mentioned that he’s tried all of the traditional methods of curing hiccups, Coach Reid.

ANDY REID: Hiccups?

— [VIDEO CALL FLIES OPEN] —

DR. DAVID CHAO: Bo, I’d like to talk to you about a surgical procedure…

PRODUCER: [disconnects caller] Well, that didn’t seem particularly productive.  Maybe this will go a little better if we get things started with an example song?

BO JACKSON: Sure – hic – thing.  How about we give a little Paul – hic – Simon a spin?

Today’s theme is: Things That Are Known.  We’re looking for songs about knowing things, finding things out, etc.  Post links as “https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d3LiMe4TR!” and they should embed in the comments after you refresh.  Last week’s puzzle answer was “Coccinea” which referenced the Grateful Dead song “Scarlet Begonias” and was once again correctly guessed – and claimed – by BeefRiverLives. Have at it!