Feats of Festivus Strength Thread (with Some Footy)

Welcome to Festivus 2023.  We’ve all got ample complaints, I am certain.

Happily, we do get an early bird special, and its David Moyes Vengeance – Fronk’s Hammers hosting Wakey’s Men Untied (7:30, USA).  Men Untied are coming off perhaps their best effoUrt of the season, which is good.  But it required putting eleven men behind the ball at Anfield, which is bad (if you give a fuck about the long-term health of the club, anyway).  But the Gooners and us neutrals didn’t mind one bit!

Luton host the Bonesaws (10:00, USA), with various and sundry streaming alternatives.  Robins Hood hosting the Cherries and Spurs/Toffees look the best options.  yeah right and Hippo will surely React Reasonably.

Spotlight dance is the King’s Afrikan Water Pistols invading the fecund swamp known as Anfield (12:30, NBC).  A point would do, but all three for the visitors?  That would be the death blow humanity needs delivered the Redshite’s way.

Wolves/Chelski (8:00, USA) is all you get Sunday morning.  Club World Cup bullshit, I guess.  Nobody cares about the Club World Cup.

The JV circus lukewarms-up at least a little bit, as noted below.

Troy (-7) v. Duke – Random Number Generator Bowl (Birmingham, AL – Noon, ABC)

Troy has become the local repository for “oh snap, I need a new FITBAW coach and was too busy snorting coke to have a list ready” shopping.  They supposedly have this TD cushion in Vegas, because Duke is in the ACC (and also has lost its quartered back to Notre Dame, and its running back to NC State).

Arkansas State (-3) v. Northern Illinois – Random Alabama Flower Bowl (Montgomery, AL – Noon, ESPN)

Do the Yellowhammer State highways have enough capacity to handle TWO exhibition fixtures at the same time?  We is about to find out.  Northern Illinois had that one random great season like 10-15 years ago, and Arkansas State used to be what Troy is now.  But FITBAW must be played, despite the lack of any coherent narrative.  AH DON’T MAKES TEH ROOLZ.

Georgia State (+1.5) v. Team Secular Big Love State – Ye Olde Potatoe Bowl (Boise, ID – 3:30, ESPN)

Sex Panthers against the “In the Ear Doesn’t Count” Aggies?  Sure, what the fuck.  Let’s do that thing!

James Madison (-2) v. Air Force – Do You Even Army, Bruh? Bowl (Fort Worth, TX – 3:30, ABC)

A former Commander in Chief facing down a branch of the current Armed Forces?  Let there be battle!  And many, many military/industrial complex advertisements.  Y HASN’T DIAMOND JOE KILLED MOAR BROWN PPL ALREADY (smgdh)?

South Alabama (-17) v. Eastern Michigan – Niiiiiiice Minus One Bowl (Mobile, AL – 7:00, ESPN)

Why on earth would 6-6 Directional Alabama be so heavily favoUred over 6-6 Directional Michigan?  Did each team have to walk to the venue?  Inquiring minds…will have forgotten by kickoff.  Ain’t nobody watching this shit.

Team Secular Big Love (-6.5) v. Northwestern – Hi I’m Mark Davis!! Bowl (Las Vegas, NV – 7:30, ABC)

Finally, a game between two teams you may have actually seen play in the regular season.  OK, one team you may have actually seen against the team you made fondling jokes about in August.  At the carwash, yeah!

Coastal Carolina (+9) v. San Jose State – We Found a Non-Condemned Stadium on the Island Bowl (Honolulu, HI – 10:30, ESPN)

The Chanticleers seem like a “blue meth” kind of bunch, so good on them making the Tweaker Fixture list.  Better late than NEVAR!  But alas, their mulleted QB is on his way to NC State and won’t play.  You generally don’t want to see your backup skill player quality at a school like Coastal Carolina.  Plus it’s a better body clock game for SJSU.