Hello there fellow DFO’er.  Hope you’re well today.  And thanks for coming back to see last weeks comments of the week as decided by my brain.  There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.

This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:
The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched—they must be felt with the heart [in bed].
Helen Keller

We have this quote, along with a few others, on a canvas print thingy in our bathroom, and I kind like this quote, before the bed part. And I’m gonna go with that everyone is beautiful in the dark.

As a reminder, Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post.

Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.

Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.

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Maybe Strawberry Fields and Brokeback got all squinched up in a teleporter accident and now they are the yin to the other’s yang, only one can be cromulent at a time to maintain the balance
Doktor Zymm

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Happy New Year, ya buncha palookas! Hope everything breaks just right for you all this year. Nothing but win tickets, healthy (grand)babies, promotions and true love. My resolutions this year dovetail with my transition into actual grown person, and involve my lifelong struggle with self-esteem and self-worth. Gonna have to get my arms around that shit if I have any hope of being any kind of teacher. Got my family, meds, sobriety, and therapist in my corner, so I’m running at this brick wall at 100 mph with a fucking helmet (with bitchin’ flame decals on it) on. Here’s to hopefully putting a dent in the fucker. Thanks for letting me be a big fuck up here whilst contributing comparatively little. Best clubhouse on the inter tubes. Cheers!
Fronkenshteen

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So turns out I will be briefly exposed to Ohio in a few weeks. Will fly into and out of Cincinnati while visiting my friends in Lexington.
Doktor Zymm

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Mrs Fozz: “Yells somethig completely intillegivel from kitchen.
Me: “What?:
Mrs Fozz: “I said xjkldfljkasf and adfkljdsfljk.”
Me: “WHAT I CAN’T FUCKIN GHEAR YOU! WALK INTO THIS ROOM!”
Mrs Fozz: “I can’t hear youd but is adi adslkjfsdljksfdljk”
Me: “I”m coming! FUCK!”

Walk into room.

Mrs Fozz: “I asked wha tyou were doing.”
Me: ‘HOLY FUCK I’VE WATCHED FOOTBALL ALL DAY!”
Mrs Fozz: “Stop shouting.”
jjfozz

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For anyone wondering when a good day to tip your kayak over while on a Connecticut lake I am here to tell you that day is not January 2nd.

Fortunately I did it right on shore, so it was shallow water, (except for the divot I stepped into, thereby losing my balance), and also everyone on shore got to see the whole thing. But fuck that was cold.
Horatio Cornblower

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Why was that woman getting Washington Football Teamed by a dildo machine?
BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Closed out my 2023 spreadsheet and finished setting up my 2024 spreadsheet!
Doktor Zymm

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Me: I am going to do a sort of Dry January.

/bills 6+ hours going through 112 pieces of mail and several emails/IMs on last day of vacation after just checking schedule for tomorrow.

Me: I am going to start drinking like Prohibition is coming back at midnight.
Horatio Cornblower

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So the dog’s in trouble. We’re on our walk today. We have a general route with a few options, and I generally let him follow his nose on the options. Today he heads straight at one of the turns. I’m thinking about work and not really paying attention.

Seeing his chance the little beast goes right for the remains of the cheeseburger some asshole threw on the side of the road at least three days ago, (I know, because we saw it the first time three days ago when I pulled him away and told him ‘no’), and gobbles it up. I give him the “No! Drop it!” command, which he knows. And ignored.

So I ended the walk there and turned around, hauling him home. You could tell by his body language that he knew not only that he was in trouble, but why he was in trouble.

We get home and Mrs. Horatio, his mommy, is there. The little beast parks himself by his treat cabinet, (he gets one after every walk, but not today), and stares at her until I has to come in and tell him “go lay down,” which he also knows and which he sulkily went upstairs and did.

It’s like having another 4-year-old in the house, one who may wind up shitting all over the carpet because he just had to eat food that’s been lying around outside for days.
Horatio Cornblower

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Watching a doco on sloths in Suriname. Truly interesting.
litre_cola

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So far this is confirming my opinion that Tay Tay is a pretty awesome person, but her music just isn’t my thing. Good to have that confirmation without having to do all this listening myself!
Doktor Zymm

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Why is there no TNF?

Week 1-17: “Screw player rest, fatigue and safety, we want money”
Week 18: “Last week of the season. Competitive balance for playoffs.”
Redshirt

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Pour one out for my Uncle Turner. Cancer is a real bastard.

Guy was lowkey one of the funniest, wittiest people I knew. He was almost silent, but he really started the MST3k-ness for me as a kid. He would constantly riff on Bubby Brister, Neil O’Donnell, etc. which later keyed my enthusiasm for the Satellite of Love.

Thanks for the laughs, and see you on the next world, Uncle Turner.
WCS

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I’m not sure what’s more horrifying: A gelatinous chunk of ham screaming “YAHHHHH…HERE WE GO!!!!” over and over, or the idea that the Cowboys have rehired Kellen Moore.
Horatio Cornblower

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pic.twitter.com/fLHTXXbpRv

— Satan (@s8n) January 6, 2024

Horatio Cornblower

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How are we all celebrating Ashli Babbit Death Day?
Dunstan

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This is boring. Shouldn’t a game with the Steelers be….

/puts on sunglasses

…riveting?

YEEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!
BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Realistic Hallmark Movie Incoming:

/our family has been estranged from my mother for quite some time

My Mother: [reaches out to her oldest grandson after 15 years]

Family: “Ok, ok. Maybe she’d like to make amends. That’s a good start.”

Oldest: [visits his grandmother, things are awkward but are sorta ok]

Family: “Perhaps we can rebuild some bridges.” [tenuous feeling of hopefulness creeps in]

/four days later

My Mother: [calls her grandson again and goes on a 70+ minute diatribe about how his mother is the worst person ever]

Family: “Whoop! There it is!!!”
scotchnaut

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4k, 8k, 69k, doesnt matter what tv you got, nature can still make a game look like an out of focus 70s porn film
fleshwound_NPG

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The weather in Charm City looks as miserable as a jjfozz night with his family.
Mr. Ayo

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Intentional Safety Dance!
Redshirt

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andrew luck is gonna haunt these fuckers forever

deservingly so
fleshwound_NPG

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Reviewing my comments from last night. Boy, I was making as much sense as a soup sandwich.
jjfozz

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Surgically repaired shoulders hate heavy wet snow. 0/10 would not recommend shoveling
Sharkbait

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New Browns shirt just dropped.

Complete with Driskel.

Unbelievable effort!#Browns pic.twitter.com/uNR0DGPw7m

— Hayden Grove (@H_Grove) January 7, 2024

Horatio Cornblower

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I like to think McLaurin was yelling “I need 8 yards for a bonus! I need 8 yards for a bonus!” in that scrum and the Dallas defenders dragged him along until he had it.

Look out for each other, fellas.
Horatio Cornblower

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Holy shit it looked as if the measuring crew pulled the stick back to give the Bears the first down, I swear the chain still had some slack.
ArmedandHammered

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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.

Stay busy and safe out there.

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