INT. RECORDING STUDIO B – DAY

Wait, there’s another recording studio?

Always has been.

Is it in a different part of the radio station, or…

Listen, can we just get on with it?

INT. RECORDING STUDIO B – DAY

We join a show in progress in Recording Studio B – the regular host sits at his normal place behind the desk, while his patient reclines on a couch with a boom mike positioned appropriately to capture his responses. 

DR. XAVIER: …and so your subconscious engages in a natural inclination to respond to these perfectly innocuous situations by reframing them as traumatic ones from your childhood.  This allows you apply coping mechanisms that were formed during that period of your life, ones that you’ve come to trust and rely on, even though these methods are extremely counterproductive as an adult.

BRANDON MARSHALL: So at the grocery store when that woman took the shopping cart I had my eye on and I called her a dumb [redacted] [redacted] with a [redacted] [redacted] [redacted], and then when her husband told me to “relax” I threatened to [redacted] [redacted] his intestines and [redacted] [redacted] them [redacted] [redacted], I was projecting back to when I was a boy and my brother took the last slice of pizza and my momma told me that I had to fight for what’s mine?

DR. XAVIER: You neglected to inform me of this latest incident, but…yes, that sounds about right.  And that pugilistic mentality served you very well as a professional athlete – but now that you’re in retirement, it’s not the type of reaction you should cultivate, especially not in ordinary, low-stakes situations.

BRANDON MARSHALL: Well, I felt really bad about it.  Sometimes it feels like there’s two Brandon Marshalls, you know? One who knows what the rules are and follows them, and another one who’s like my old teammate Jay.  Just has absolutely no conception that rules even exist, especially not for him.

DR. XAVIER: [checks his watch] That’s a great topic to discuss, but we’ll have to talk more about it next week – we’re out of time.  Thanks for joining us on the X’s and O’s of Your Mind with Dr. Xavier, be sure to stay tuned for Request Line which will be coming up after the break. 

The ON AIR sign flips to OFF AIR, and DR. XAVIER removes his headphones. He looks up at the booth window, where we see THE PRODUCER seated at the soundboard on the other side.

PRODUCER: Great work, guys.  Good show.  Dr. Xavier, I had a bit of a favor to ask – our guest for Request Line canceled and I was hoping you’d be willing to sit in. We could talk about the Raiders’ upcoming draft prospects.

DR. XAVIER: I’m always delighted to indulge in some prognostication, in all matters of the Silver and Black.

PRODUCER: Fantastic.  How about you, Brandon? The Bears seems to be in a bit of a pickle as far as their roster is concerned, maybe you’ve got some thoughts on…

BRANDON MARSHALL: [brusquely] I am not interested in talking about that franchise.

PRODUCER: Fair enough.

BRANDON MARSHALL: I gotta jet.  Thanks again, Dr. Xavier.

DR. XAVIER: [nods indulgently]

BRANDON MARSHALL sits up from the couch and exits the booth, then leaves the studio. 

PRODUCER: There was one other thing, Dr. Xavier – I’ve got this friend I’m a bit worried about…

DR. XAVIER: [having heard this one before] Right…a friend.

PRODUCER: No, really!  I’m worried about him.  He’s been talking about all kinds of stuff – both in his own life, and in history in general – that never actually happened.  And he insists these false memories are real.

DR. XAVIER: Hmm.  You’ve heard of something called “The Mandela Effect”?

PRODUCER: No.

DR. XAVIER: I’ll explain.  But first, let’s get to business – as an avid listener of your programming I noticed that there’s a topic you’ve failed to cover in well over two hundred episodes.  And it happens to be a specialty of mine.  Would you mind cuing up an example song for me while I help myself to another cup of coffee?

PRODUCER: Of course.  What’s the topic going to be?

DR. XAVIER: Madness.  We’re going to talk about Madness.

Today’s theme is “madness”.  We’re looking for songs about insanity.  Post links as “https://www.youtube.com/watch?r461n68!L3dU(T and they should embed in the comments after you refresh.  Last week’s puzzle was a digression from our typical clue of a song, it was “puzzles return next week”.  We’re back to normal now, so drop your requests (and puzzle guesses!) into the comments.  You wanna get nuts? Let’s get nuts!