Hello there fellow DFO’er. Hope you’re well today. And thanks for coming back to see last weeks tl;dr of last week as decided by my brain. There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.
This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:
Our moral responsibility is not to stop the future, but to shape it. To channel our destiny in humane directions and to ease the trauma of transition [in bed].
Alvin Toffler
Just get a bed warmer and you’ll be good.
As a reminder, Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post.
Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.
Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.
The Supreme Court has ruled, 6-3, that the President has immunity for “official acts” taken while President.
I think it’s time for President Biden to officially disband the Supreme Court. Just what an absolute garbage decision by a garbage group of people.
Horatio Cornblower
As Josh Marshall points out, that blows a huge hole in the “high crimes and misdemeanors” impeachment part of the Constitution. They have effectively declared what Nixon famously said: it’s not a crime if the President does it.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Don T
(whistle) “Illegal Procedure, DFO. Not selecting the Penalty Flag first. Five yard penalty. Repeat 1st Down.”
Redshirt
holy shit did one go all sorts of ways…
I genuinely think I just saved someone about to go into cardiac arrest — that’s good!
I had absolutely pants-shitting moment where I thought I sent responders to the wrong address for said caller, especially when said caller was definitely starting to lose consciousness — that’s bad!
I sent them to right address, and the caller never passed out — that’s good!
Caller’s daughter was upstairs the whole time, and only bothered to show up when PD had to kick the door open downstairs to get inside —
WCS
Found a funny:
if you took every billionaire on earth and stacked them on top of each other starting at the bottom of the Mariana Trench, that would be great
rockingdog
I just filed a BBB complaint against the Las Vegas monorail and I feel very Simpsons episode
Doktor Zymm
Were you not properly railed?
Mr. Ayo
That’s more of a Shelbyville thing.
Sharkbait
Found a funny:
This might be more impactful on the election than anything Biden said tonight
rockingdog
Now we just need them, and everyone following them, to vote.
Horatio Cornblower
For in the grim dark future there is only war-mongering rabbits!
Mr. Ayo
WCS
I do enjoy the LOGIN IN but wish it would also say SIGN UP UP next to it
ThurberHerder
Have you ever had problems with your bowel movements?
My doctor recommended Preparation H as a household cure.
My goodness that stuff tastes terrible.
Brick Meathook
ISIS one, Nazis nil
SonOfSpam
ISIS, you say?
LemonJello
Should we let hippos compete in sporting events?
Doktor Zymm
Able to sign in for the first time in a while (thanks WordPress!) but now I’ll stop my lurking and send you hundreds of dozens of some really good comments I ‘ve been workin up during my exile . . .
/falls asleep on the couch watching Psych reruns
Downfield Matriculator
A draw? Boo! If I wanted to watch a bunch of sister-kissing I’d go to pornhub.
At least I’ve got this Spanish teen soap opera that came on after the conclusion of the game to keep me entertained.
Huh. “Derecho” means “right” (as in the direction) but it also means “rights” as in like, freedom of speech.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
It is also a sort of super cool and destructive storm that is really difficult to get a weather machine to recreate. Not that I’ve experimented extensively or anything.
Doktor Zymm
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/June_2012_North_American_derecho
Anyone remember this? Philly caught tip (PHRASING); parts of West Virginia were without power for a week. This happened during a heat wave, too.
WCS
Parts of West Virginia HAVE power?
SonOfSpam
A Brazilian is writhing on the ground 46 seconds into the game. I believe that’s a new record.
scotchnaut
I lost my virginity to a Brazilian woman and it was a lot like that.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
I still have an old tumblr and I’ve been thinking a lot about experiences in the last ten years and how eventually some hobby or media you love stops being for you and that’s okay. Something that way too fucking many people seem lost on, including me in how it took way too long (decades) to realize that and to realize even in my heyday what a dumb and arrogant shit I was as a fanboy of something.
Unsurprised
Don T
Just saw an ad for Thundercat Technologies, I have a feeling the founder has prostitutes dress up as Cheetara for him. Maybe his sex dwarf is named Snarff.
ArmedandHammered
DON’T GIVE HIM ANY IDEAS!
– Lowratio
ballsofsteelandfury
HOW THE FUCK YOU DOING BOYS!!!
I may be at a property adjacent to the game, I may be intoxicated….. i may be wishing America a happy fucking birthday!
Brocky
Found a funny:
Gave proof through the night
That our flag was still there 🫡 🇺🇸
rockingdog
Kale Recipe:
Step 1: Drizzle in oil
Step 2: Scrape into garbage
Step 3: Make dinner
Done!
Mr. Ayo
Brick Meathook
I would like to say goodbye to the 20 pounds and counting I have lost so far. Buddy got hurt at a job in mid-May and in the process realized that I needed to lose weight and just get my shit together.
I quit my night time job that I hated, and now just have a day job with more freedom and time. Walking at least 4 miles and day and doing some sort of supplemental fitness in cycling and weights (Jesus Christ, even yoga) I feel better and more confident than ever before.
Honesty the amount of time that I was spending on my phone was fucking me up mentally, so I decided to scale that back a lot.
For real just walk. And do physical therapy with a little middle-aged lady who is a third your weight with abs of steel.
Buddy Cole’s Halftime Show
Hi.
I have thoughts.
Since Fifa 94 introduced me to intl futbol. I have been to Canada under 21 WC, traveled all over for my team that would lose to Honduras 8-1.
I have been to 2 euros and numeroUs intl matches to fill the void of my shitty country.
I can’t tell you how happy I am right now.
litre_cola
A goal and a yellow card. He’s an assist away from a Canuck Soccer Gordie Howe Hat Trick.
Fun Thing-That-Might-Be-A-Fact: I recently read that someone went through all the stats and Howe himself had a total of like 3 Gordie Howe Hat Tricks.
Horatio Cornblower
We had some 118 degree madness yesterday. It was hot. I went to bed all fucked up last night and I knew it was hydration — but I couldn’t chug enough water fast enough so spent 45 mins cooling down/relaxing to sleep.
Was feeding my cacti and watering the trees this am — everyone gets supplemental attention in these conditions — and realize I owe you all an update on my.work (NO ONE CARES!!!) which is that it is stalled out as I wait for an irrigation pipe repair off my property so we got a rough yard this summer.
So I’m not hiding away because I failed; I’m silent because I’m just keeping my head down and grinding #limerita.
blaxabbath
THIS GUY BLAXABBATH I CALL HIM JOE BIDEN BECAUSE HE’S CLINGING TO THE IDEA THAT HE DIDN’T FAIL BUT THE TRUTH IS THAT HIS BRAIN ISN’T WORKING RIGHT AND HE PROBABLY NEEDS MEDICAL ATTENTION.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Found a funny:
European sports rivalries just hit different. In America we will hate a rival because they beat us in the playoffs a couple times.
In Europe they are like “yes we hate that team, because in 1456 they disposed our king and did a light genocide against us. Also they dive a lot.”
rockingdog
“If I catch a live coyote, what’s the reward?”
— verbatim how the last call began, followed by
“(its)sitting here near next to me.”
Scratch those off the BINGO card of series of words you didn’t think existed.
For the record, I’m not sure there is any reward. That said, it’s a fucking coyote, not a pet.
WCS
Brick Meathook
Just back from climbing Mt. Moosiluake in New Hampshire. And yes, I of course did use the steepest trail possible to go up AND down, because I love a challenge, because there was no other option to go down that left me anywhere near the parking lot, and most importantly because I am an idiot.
3 hour drive up, 5+ hour hike, 3 hour drive back, and I am now devouring a bowl of pasta with meat sauce and thank God Mrs. Horatio had that waiting for me, because otherwise I’d be trying to eat the screen.
Horatio Cornblower
Mom: “What’s wrong?”
Me: “I think the scale battery is going out. It says I lost 4 pounds.”
Mom: “Want me to change it?”
Me: “Hell no.”
Redshirt
Wow, people were not wrong about how terrible Conor McGregor is in Road House.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
3
That movie was fuckin’ horrible from start to finish.
BugEyedBoo
ETA: maybe Jake Gyllenhaal is trying to take a page out of Gene Hackman’s book – there’s no part that he won’t play.
BugEyedBoo
SHOW ME THE MONEYS?
/If I had an ounce of acting talent, I’d take most parts offered
Game Time Decision
phone rings
Agent: He’ll take it!
Caller: Is this Nicholas Cage’s office?
BugEyedBoo
I would like to point out that before I knew anything about cooking I thought Penne a la Vodka was pasta swimming in lukewarm Smirnoff.
/Who could possibly want to eat that?
scotchnaut
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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.
Stay busy and safe out there.
NOTE banner image from here
I just got an unofficial reprimand for not attending the Team Leads mtg, a meeting for the leaders of our SMEs. When I told them I was not a Team Lead, I was told that I was a Team Lead for the last 6 months. So I am a Team Lead for one of our products that
a) my client does not utilize,
b) I have no idea as how to use the product,
and
c) I have told my manager multiple times I am not to be a Lead, a trainer, or a manager of any life forms because it always ends in tears, and they have never been mine.
If it was not for health coverage, I would be so long gone from here. Ever since the company was bought by a French Conglomerate, everything is slowly going downhill. Trying to decide if I can hold out for the next ~2 years.
Seems like being a team lead is one of those things they should have mentioned to you
I would have thought so, or have the members of the team email or hit me up on Slack.
Sounds like someone owes you a raise and back pay for six months of a job you didn’t know you’d been doing.
Oh no, they just use the “We can not justify your promotion” if you don’t take the position, so usually the Team Lead is some ambitious boot licker who wants it on their CV. I am 58, all career ambition beat out of me over 44 years of working, and the only boots I will ever lick belong to Sydney Sweeny and they are leather and thigh highs.
I got up at the ungodly hour of 5:45 to drive Mrs. Horatio to the airport. Lowratio’s feet don’t reach the pedals, so he wasn’t an option.
Then I came back and, rather than crash for a nap, started working. It’s kind of amazing how much you can get done before everyone else gets in and starts sending emails and phone calls and being generally interruptive, but now that’s starting and it’s nap time.
I’ve got a newest bestest buddy in QA, that thinks my purpose in life is to tell him how to do his job. “Can I have five minutes to ask a question?” That was at 12:15 my time, and that five minutes ended at 1:40. Meeting at 2, so Boo gets to have a working lunch. And Boo hates working lunches. I’m convinced he’s pestering me because he doesn’t want to look like the moron he is in front of his boss.
I can’t stand that. If you ask for 5 minutes of my time and I am able to do that then fine, but we will not be continuing the conversation after 7 minutes.
The AFC North QBs is priceless.
I’m normally pretty good at DIY stuff, but today I am an idiot because I got a plumber out here to fix the dishwasher and it turns out I just didn’t notice the water was shutoff to the dishwasher.
In my defense, the lady who was renting was an idiot about plumbing so I have no idea what she was doing messing around under the sink. Maybe she thought she was fixing the garbage disposal
Always do basic trouble shooting before calling out the experts. Same with electricity. A friend who’s an electrician makes a easy 50 often to simply flip a breaker for some poor soul.
Luckily I’m a member of their club so it doesn’t cost me anything to have someone come out. I can be as dumb as I want as long as I’m willing to put in the effort to make a phone call!
when I installed our dishwasher, I hooked everything up, but it wouldn’t drain. Took me a few days to realize that the inlet into the plumbing had a cap that needed to be removed and then it all worked.
Similar to what 2Pack said, I had issues with my furnace and it turned out that there was the plastic wrap from the air filters would block the air inlet and shut off the furnace. Felt so dumb when it was just moving the filters so the plastic didn’t get sucked into the vent.
You are not alone. I have done that as well. Figured it out before calling the plumber though…
It’s a real kinda
moment.
Glad I’m not the only one! Since I didn’t know why the water would be off the guy also ran a couple diagnostics and checked for leaks, so it wasn’t a total waste at least
There’s a pissing contest on reddit r/Columbus right now, between people who are mad about the neighbors setting off fireworks, and the people who are mad because the neighbor called the cops on them setting off fireworks. “My right as an Amercan to blow off my fingers,” vs. “You’re scaring all the dogs and the PTSD veterans.*” There’s no real middle ground here.
Our Palestinian neighbors across the street are definitely proud to be Americans; they set off at least a couple grand worth of fireworks, at least. Better fireworks show than the ones I saw as a kid. 15-20 minutes of shells, and a finale.
* We had a teacher in high school who was a WWII vet. Rumor was that if you slam a book on the floor he’d hit the deck. Then you’d get a 10 day suspension, assuming they didn’t just expel you outright.
Worst I ever felt was working the electronics section of a small department store and played music on the boomboxes (yes, it was that long ago) and one night I was playing the album by Rodger Waters “The Final Cut” which has a song that the introduction sounds like a bomb dropping or a mortar shell on its way. When that song started, an old man screamed incoming and hit the floor and rolled under one of the higher shelves. I felt so bad when I helped him up and apologized profusely. Helped me to learn to be a lot more aware of the of the people and the situations around me. At least he laughed when I told him he still had the reactions of a 20yo.
And that old man’s name… was Adolf Hitler!
I wish, so I could have kicked him repeatedly while he was on the ground. I think he was one of the McCall clan as he was not related to me in some way.
This was supposed to be in response to Horatio below.
Based on the fact that you said ‘rumor’ I assume none of you were nasty enough kids to try it. Good on ya
Wasn’t my thing back then, but the word was that if you did it you went straight to the top of a lot of people’s shit lists.
One of the shop teachers in my middle school had a really bad fall (like, brain hemorrhage bad) when he slipped on some plastic pellets that a few kids were throwing at each other in the stairwell. I am sure they never meant for anything like that to happen, but when you are that age you never think about what the consequences could be for shit like that.