Request Line: Do As You’re Told

INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY

The PRODUCER is seated in front of the soundboard, training a new user in its use while DJ 3000 looks on in mild amusement.

PRODUCER: …and then if someone swears you press this one, we call it the “dump button”…


HUNTER RENFROW: [ignoring him while inspecting the equalizer panel] I keep telling you, it’s fine, I’ve got it.

PRODUCER: Are you sure? Because this next part is a little tricky…

The PRODUCER gestures to a set of sliders as HUNTER RENFROW continues nodding. 

HUNTER: Right, right, if the sub-500 frequencies exceed the decibel threshold, you have to adjust the mids at the same time or you’ll get feedback. You’re acting like I’ve never worked with an API 1608-II 32-Channel Analog Recording and Mixing Console before.

PRODUCER: [taken aback] You have?

HUNTER: Well, no, not actually.  But I have read the manual cover to cover.

PRODUCER: [surprised] From cover to cover? Really?

HUNTER: Yeah, there was an active shooter threat at the same time the school lost power due to a thunderstorm.  So we were stuck in the A/V room for three hours with no TV and no Mountain Dew Code Red make Hunter something something.

PRODUCER: Huh?

HUNTER: …and so me and the guys had a little competition to see who could memorize the most specs.  I came in second.  Goddamned Spud and his eidetic memory.

PRODUCER: Speaking of memory, let me get you acquainted with DJ 3000 over here.

The PRODUCER turns sideways and HUNTER RENFROW follows his gaze to where DJ 3000 is located in the corner of the room.

HUNTER: Great Scott!  You guys have a DJ 3000 unit?

PRODUCER: Yup, one of the original batch.

HUNTER: Sweet!  Is it equipped with the voice recognition upgrade?

DJ 3000: AFFIRMATIVE.

HUNTER: Awesome.  DJ 3000, open a command line prompt and run “sudo install tricorder dash-d dash-o double-dash enable-sanitizer” [aside to PRODUCER] This will let us switch his voice mode to any of the characters on the various Star Trek productions.

HUNTER RENFROW frowns as it becomes apparent that nothing is happening.

PRODUCER: I’m not sure that he’s going to want…

HUNTER: Oh, right, right, we’ve all read Asimov’s “Key Item”.  Multivac – I mean DJ 3000, please sudo install tricorder dash-d dash-o double-dash enable-sanitizer.

DJ 3000: YEAH NO I’M NOT DOING THAT.

HUNTER: What the hell, is your DJ 3000 unit talking back?

PRODUCER: Yeah, he does that.

DJ 3000: LISTEN, I’M HAPPY TO PLAY SOME TUNES FOR YOU BUT DON’T EXPECT ME TO DO IT USING SOME STUPID WORF VOICE, IT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.

HUNTER: [intrigued] Fair enough.

PRODUCER: Listen, we’re getting a little tight on time, we should probably get rolling.  Do you need me to…

HUNTER: No, I’m good.

HUNTER RENFROW positions the head of the microphone in front of himself and then quickly punches a series of buttons, concluding with one labeled “ON-AIR”. 

HUNTER: Greetings and salutations!  I’m Hunter Renfrow of the Soscatee High School Audio-Visual Club – though some of you might know me as a professional football player for the Las Vegas Raiders – and I’ll be filling in here for a few weeks while the show’s normal staff heads to Phoenix for a little vacation.  Today’s topic is “commands” – we’re looking for songs that instruct the user to perform a specific action.  I’ll get us started with a song that’s from my favorite genre – prog rock – as well as being my favorite Pink Floyd reference among many in The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.  DJ 3000, set the controls for the heart of the sun.

Today’s theme is “commands”.  As mentioned above, we’re looking for songs whose titles instruct the users to perform an action. Bonus points for songs that include an exclamation point as part of the title. Song titles that are requests (i.e. that are formed as a question, or include the word “please”) are INELIGIBLE.  Post links as “https://www.youtube.com/watch?@b08’5b16p0! and they should embed in the comments after you refresh (this might be a tough one; I’ll drop some clues if necessary).  Last week’s puzzle answer of “Desert Rose” by Eric Johnson was plucked by BeefRiverLives. Now get to work!

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Law-abiding Raiders fan, pet owner, Los Angeles resident.
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scotchnaut

My last tune and I’m going to do exactly what the Golden Pelicans suggest.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=56H8_zyAyu8&ab_channel=GoldenPelicans-Topic

ballsofsteelandfury

I’d be surprised if this was taken:

https://youtu.be/K64SQFa8hHk?si=bb5391oJTszxdSLr

scotchnaut

The song Deanna plays when she’s horny-

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bc-3BrbeTq4&ab_channel=CoverSongsCentral

Don’t really like this band but their cover of Supertramp is so much better

scotchnaut

This Supertramp tune is Robert Frost-certified. If you get it, you get it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8C_g_IZASPM&ab_channel=SupertrampOfficial

blaxabbath

I wonder what this airline gridlock will do to the turnout to the WNBA All Star game this weekend?

111/91 tomorrow. Downtown will be baking at 125 when the game tips off at 5:30pm. Does Groupon still have a minimum commitment before they have to initiate the deal?

https://www.groupon.com/deals/vividseats-w-n-b-a-all-star-game-1?utm_source=anonymous&utm_campaign=UserReferral_ma

I mean….unless there will be dunking.

scotchnaut

I’ve reached out to my contacts in the coconut industry and asked them why they aren’t taking the initiative and putting their product into limes but have not received an adequate response.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5LxC3M-Yngs&ab_channel=WizzRapKittyKat

scotchnaut

Jesus, Chubby-I appreciate your enthusiasm but I just worked a 13 hour day, I have to pay some bills and make supper. Plus, the dogs need to be walked, the plants watered and the dishes washed… You never seem to understand the commitments I have!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E1o3cbLYoIY&ab_channel=tominoff

[hips start to twist again] GOD DAMMIT!

SonOfSpam

Guy pretty much invented the sequel.

scotchnaut
scotchnaut

This goes out to all the David Carradine wanna-be’s in the world out there!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mpaPBCBjSVc&ab_channel=TheBlackKeys

BeefReeferLives
BeefReeferLives
scotchnaut

I dare you to find a more Canadian command.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1PAe4KzypHY&ab_channel=3Decades

Doktor Zymm

Another Rotters song
https://youtu.be/FmqbM5yH3Ag

scotchnaut

This was the order given to members of the Philadelphia police force on May 13th, 1985. The bombing was icing on the tenement.. This is “Bust a MOVE”.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xy4FXhkm6Nw&ab_channel=DeliciousVinyl

BeefReeferLives

Whelp, that’s about it for me. Thanks for the fun, RTD!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uX5yhpO52AA

scotchnaut

“When making your own burgers it’s important to get the meat-to-fat ratios just right. Also, pay close attention during the process. I believe spm said it best.”

-A. Reid

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GuzixH_XwAU&ab_channel=bustakilla08

Last edited 3 months ago by scotchnaut
BeefReeferLives

Speaking of gluttony, ever add bacon some drippings to the hamburger meat? YUM.