INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY

Guest producer HUNTER RENFROW is seated in front of the soundboard…

…having a conversation with DJ 3000, who is perched in his regular spot… 

…as the two talk about the conclusion of the Pan-African War in the current DJ 3000’s original timeline.

DJ 3000: …AND THEN MOZAMBIQUE SIGNED THE TREATY, AND IT’S BEEN PRETTY TRANQUIL SINCE THEN.

HUNTER RENFROW: Fascinating!  I always thought that Mozambique sounded like a cool place – is Paradise Island, like, as nice as it sounds?

DJ 3000: THE TRUTH IS, THE WHOLE “PARADISE ISLAND” THING IS ONLY A NAME.

HUNTER RENFROW: Oh really?

DJ 3000: YEAH, IT’S ACTUALLY A PENINSULA.

HUNTER RENFROW: [chuckles] Look at DJ 3000 with the jokes!  I take it you have The Simpsons in your universe?

DJ 3000: WE DO. I DOWNLOADED THE SERIES HERE AND THERE ARE ACTUALLY VERY FEW DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THE TWO.  EXCEPT THAT WHERE I’M FROM THEY WRAPPED UP THE SERIES AFTER FIFTEEN SEASONS.

HUNTER RENFROW: Yeah, from what I’ve seen of the new stuff that was the smart move.  Mr. Baumgartner refuses to even acknowledge that it’s even still on the air here.

DJ 3000: SPEAKING OF A/V CLUB STUFF…IT’S BEEN REALLY GREAT OF YOU TO FILL IN.  I’VE SPOKEN TO THE STATION MANAGEMENT AND THEY AGREED TO WRITE IT UP AS A FORMAL INTERNSHIP.

HUNTER RENFROW: [excited] Really? So I can get out of having to take an elective?

DJ 3000: THAT’S RIGHT, MY FRIEND.  ONE FREE PERIOD, COMING UP!

HUNTER RENFROW: I can’t believe how well this worked out.  When I first came in I had this whole idea about how I was going to do a series of “Hunter’s Realms” posts about alternate universes and all the topics would be associated with that, but in the end I really enjoyed just chilling here with you.

DJ 3000: YEAH, IT’S BEEN NICE.

HUNTER RENFROW: So whatever happened to the PRODUCER? I thought there would also be some kind of story arc about how he got stuck in Phoenix somehow and couldn’t get back here to California.

DJ 3000: BEATS ME.  I HAVEN’T HEARD A WORD FROM HIM SINCE…OH.

HUNTER RENFROW: What?

DJ 3000: I JUST REALIZED THAT IF HE WAS REACHING OUT, HE WAS PROBABLY SENDING THINGS TO THE ORIGINAL DJ 3000’S EMAIL ADDRESS.  MINE IS A BIT DIFFERENT.  LET ME SEE IF I CAN LOG IN TO HIS ACCOUNT; MAYBE WE HAVE THE SAME PASSWORDS…

The lights on DJ 3000’s console begin flashing as he downloads a large amount of data and begins parsing the text.

DJ 3000: [to itself] OH.  OH MY.  YES, THAT’S QUITE A PICKLE.

HUNTER RENFROW: [out of the loop] What, what happened?

DJ 3000: I’LL TELL YOU IN A MINUTE.  BUT FIRST, WE’VE GOT TO GET THIS SHOW ROLLING.  HAVE YOU GOT A TOPIC FOR US TO CLOSE OUT THE SEASON WITH?

HUNTER RENFROW: I sure do!  I thought we could do “songs”.

DJ 3000’s “Gruden Module” light comes on.

DJ 3000: THIS TOPIC I CALL IT A FEMALE DWARF WORKING FOR DABNEY COLEMAN’S CHARACTER IN NINE TO FIVE BECAUSE IT IS A LITTLE BROAD.

HUNTER RENFROW: No, no, I meant songs that specifically declare themselves as such.  Like “The Rain Song” or “Ballad of  Thin Man”, that kind of stuff.

DJ 3000: SOUNDS GOOD, LET’S DO IT. WANT ME TO CUE UP ONE OF THE ONES YOU MENTIONED, OR HAVE YOU GOT SOMETHING ELSE IN MIND TO GET US STARTED?

HUNTER RENFROW: It’s almost football season, so let’s go with something that will make folks want to run through a brick wall.  Cue up a little Blur, please.

Today’s theme is “Songs”.  We’re looking for songs that specifically declare themselves as such (or “Ballads”, or “Odes”, etc.) in the title.  Please links as “https://www.youtube.com/watch?kUnDuZ and they should embed in the comments after you refresh.  Last week’s puzzle answer of “Sweet Jane” by The Velvet Underground and the Cowboy Junkies was solved by BeefReeferLives. Thank you to everyone who contributed to yet another fabulous season of Request Line, and may all the fantasy stat corrections this season be in your favor.