I mean, we can’t call it a double-header, can we? Just a quick note-I’m getting bum-rushed in both Math Hard! and Freezer Vodka and the injuries are piling up and I’ll be winless in both leagues. YAY!
To The Games!
Titans/Fins:
-Will Levis-there’s room for improvement. Folks that drafted Cal Ridley might be wondering why he has underperformed. The folks at a certain fantasy site point to a stat of theirs that avers that he’s been thrown a catchable ball 56% of the time!. If said Levis wants to hold on to his job he’s going to want to make better decisions. He has two pick-sixes and two strip sacks to his name already in this young season.
-But there’s good news! The Titans haven’t lost to Miami on Monday night.
-Snoop Huntley is back! Great. Tyreek playing without Tua, he’s a shadow of himself-he averages 68 (whew!) yards receiving per game and has no TD’s at all.
-The Fins onky scored three points last week, the lowest total since coach McDaniels came on board. Right now they’re the worst scoring offense in the NFL.
Seahawks/Lions:
-Zach Charbonnet is doing backup rb right. Last week he ran for 91 and scored a deuce of TD’s. This week he stands aside and let’s Kenneth Walker take over lead back duties.
-No Balls, No Glory? That seems to be the case with Geno so far-he’s thrown into the endzone all of one time so far this year.
-All He Does Is Score-David Montgomery has barged into the endzone in six straight affairs.
-Memories of Legions of Boom Past? Seattle is the best team vs the pass. [looks at notes] Huh, they’ve played against Skylar, Nix and Brissett. If they weren’t the best I’d be wondering.
-He’s So Close! Dan Campbell is 25-26-1 career-record wise as a coach. He’ll get to a winning record at some point and join the illustrious group that is Potsy Clark, Buddy Porter, George Wilson, Joe Schmidt, Garry Moeller and Jim Caldwell as Lions coaches that somehow won more games than they lost. That’s 20% of all coaches that have led Detroit.
insurmountable lead in tits/phins
ok now end the game
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I saw Fronk’s early comment re: Huntley vs Rudolph and the horror of having to watch them in week 4 but five years ago who could have imagined Jared Goff vs Geno Smith would be, at very least, cromulent. What a world
NFL is gonna force us to watch the Tits/Fins slap flight
twitter/X is now valued at 9.4 billion, 79% decrease
now, if you want to invest in something that could be worth money soon, invest in bone saws soon to be sold in saudi arabia
Elon did a great thing for Saudi Arabia by being stupid. The Saudi government was one of the five largest owners when it was public. KSA underwrote his court-ordered purchase. Kingdom of Saudi Arabia now owns Twitter almost entirely as it owns Elon by the balls. In case you haven’t noticed, they’ve been exploiting the fuck out of that fact.
The funny thing is that that’s almost the exact same decline in value as Truth Social since the day Trump took over the company.
TRICKERATION
also reminds me, if you hear somebody say “hook and ladder” kindly remind them of the original (and therefore, correct) term
https://www.whig.com/archive/article/is-it-hook-and-ladder-or-hook-and-lateral/article_df388371-6f4a-5c95-a88f-0157e83a4dbf.html
Also applies to those asshats who spell it “aluminium”
Perfidious Albion
See also: double reverse being usually only a single reverse.
I just yelled that at the teevee. Mrs.cola looked at me like I am insane. (Am)
Seems legit.
Ruh roh!
Someone should’ve given this talk to Tua.
I don’t know what crackpot came up with that idea, but they have a lot to answer for
Misreading a syphilitic German
Go, kitties!
Sitting at the table last night at the wedding.
My wife’s cousin’s husband – who believes 5G can kill you – dropped this bon mot:
“LeBron James is a Satanist because he was at one of Diddy’s parties.”
“Really? I’d like to see some receipts on that bullshit.”
He didn’t talk to me the rest of the night, which was awesome.
A lot of nutjobs rely very heavily on the assumption that other people will be too polite to call them nutjobs in social situations. It can be fun to see their reaction when they realize you’re not playing that game.
This is how we got the toaster fuckers
“Yeah, they’re some weirdos!”
-JD Vance, just absolutely eyefucking the settee in the corner
one of the very few good things about the internet
back in the day it was harder to spot the morons, or know if your neighbor/etc was a fuckwit. because there is more conspiracy sewage to consume, and encouraged to share, it has made it easier than ever
there are not more of these people, the masks are all gone
somebody mows the lawns for some of the houses on my street. he has an infowars sticker on his ford explorer.
thank you, kind fuckwit
I read that as ‘Stalinist’ and couldn’t connect the dots.
He was going to redistribute all that baby oil to the proletariat.
Did you hold your phone like it was floating around his head and make scary ghost noises?
“fiiiive geeeeee oooooohhh”
Fozz’s internal monologue
He’s a fucking twerp. Whenever he’s around, and one of my kids asks a question – or acts a fool – he’ll say, “I’m so glad i never had kids.”
Yeah, me too because then you would be producing more ignorant assholes for the world to deal with.
Also, my kids have nicknamed him “Bubbles” since he closely resembles that character on Trailer Park Boys, but just not as good looking.
miami is gonna tank to draft another QB to kill later
“shit, that was my plan!”
– Panthers, Browns, Tits, Bears
Panthers win the #1 pick in the draft. Shedeur Sanders vows not to play for them. Dallas trades Dak and a few picks for the #1 draft pick.
Both games are two scores to one score. This is where the similarity ends
Not true. They’re both on TV.
now three scores to one!
On both, creepy!
this game is such a disaster that McDaniels will be retired as a coach’s name after this game
Everybody high at the Miami game
THIS FANTASY FOOTBALL LEAGUE, I CALL IT HANGING OUT WITH MY MOTHER IN LAW, BECAUSE IT FUCKING IRRITATES THE SHIT OUT OF ME, AND WHEN I DO PAY ATTENTION, IT ONLY MAKES ME WANT TO PUNCH A BABY!
Are you in Ligue Deux? If so, see you next year, am 0-4
Geno to DK on the sideline.
TEN @ MIA: come for the under, stay for the lawyerball.
Perfect for this crew.
Fucking moron.