Mine is headed to relegation as was foretold by me at the start of the season. I’ve had a remarkably bad run over the last four years but I still have fun. For now.
Minutiae:
-Jon Gruden has been really quiet these days which is not like him at all. Well that’s going to change soon because he’s now onboard at Barstool Sports! I don’t think I’ve ever visited that site and I don’t hear any good things about it either so Yay, Jon?
-There was so much attention paid to Tua recently and for pretty good reason. One guy that was never mentioned in these discussions? Jaquan Brisker. If you’re not a Bears fan (We Are Legion) you may have forgotten that he entered the concussion protocol waaay back on Oct. 7th and was just put on IR so he’s not playing for another month. Scary stuff.
-“Greenies it’s Flacco, the red one, it’s AR”: [Irsay closes his eyes, reaches his hand into a massive jar of pills] [Shane Steichen receives text, announces] “We are very pleased with Richardson’s progress and he’ll be starting this week.” FIN.
To The Game!
Commies/Birds:
-Kudos to retread Dan Quinn-all he had to do was find a mercurial talent at QB whose skills translate well to the pro game and BAM!, you’re a good coach again. It’s just that easy!
-Hurts is the first QB to have a throwing and rushing TD each week as well as a 100+ rating in four straight games.
-Meanwhile that rook qb is only the 2nd QB since 1970 to average 200 passing and 45 rushing yards to start his career after 10 games. The only other one? RG3. Aw shit.
-An Opening?: Saquon is rolling along, second only to King Henry in rushing per game. Washington has made great strides but the rush D is all the way back at 28th. If Barkley can continue the pace he’ll fly by LeSean McCoy’s record of 1,607 set back in 2013.
Enjoy.
Following up on Horatio’s post about the Onion buying Info wars
https://twitter.com/octopuscaveman/status/1857134140333908074
It’s petty as fuck, and I’m here for it
Nikki Glaser on the TNF postgame, “Eagles kicker Jake Elliott missed three times tonight. It’s nice to see someone in Philly miss something besides a child-support payment.”
[cues up Katy Perry music]
I’M KINDA DRUNK AND I LIKE IT…
[miss you buddy. imma have another one in your honor]
I wish I had the capacity for anger that would lead me to punch bags or walls or people.
In my old age I have found that most anger is misplaced energy.
If you can do something to address the matter – do it.
If you can’t or won’t – let it go.
It takes practice but I’m getting better at it.
If you’ve ever wondered “What does driving eastbound down Venice Blvd through Culver City behind an ambulance look like?” well here it is. It’s got everything.
https://ibb.co/HV46dp8
Father’s Office nearby
The Floor is HOT Guava:
2 oz. cachaça
1 oz. lime juice
0.5 oz. guava syrup
dash of grenadine (enough to give it a red/orange lava color)
a few slices of a spicy pepper (thai, habenero, etc)
Shake ingredients over ice, strain into a rocks glass with a large ice cube. Garnish with a mint sprig.
I shall try it with tequila and see if that works better.
I had apple cider and Fireball last Saturday, because I was raised by wolves. It was a lot nastier than I remember it being, so I just poured it out. My wife was pouring herself some of the cider this evening, and I warned her that maybe something was wrong with it. It turns out its best by date was 10/2. Just a tad bit over.
Yeah at that point it’s got so much yeast in it that it would be better suited to making a sandwich than a cocktail.
I think the best part of the Spanish show is that even though my hearing is shit, they at least sound like normal people and not like the English-speaking dipshits, who all have affects that make me want to punch the screen.
I wish I could remember who made the joke when the Starbucks Trenta came out that it’s the perfect size for a bottle of wine.
Tops a vente that’s for sure. And the math checks out also.
Need to evaluate Dan Quin for a concussion for not going for the FG
I never watched this postgame show. Not bad.
“I’m glad the Giants let [Saquon] go.” – Good on Brandon
The refs went and broke the game.
Gimme those Jayden points!
He must’ve found out that McLaurin was sleeping with his wife. One catch for 10 yards.
McLaurin has gone full Delonte West
I was going to ask “Has Hurts always been a QB?”
Then they just showed Ertz (now on the Washington Football Club) and it answered everything.
Please resume your regular television program viewing.
BLEERGH definitely thursday night strong tonight
https://ibb.co/k0yjZ5J
Today I learned something! Namely, that my car can fit three people, two violins, and a bass!
THIS CAR OF SEÑOR WEASELO’S I CALL IT THE U.S. GOVERNMENT IN 2025…
You have a clown car?
Add a top rack and you can get a drum set added.
Hey hey… I said RACK
Three people?!?! Scotchy says you gotta up those numbers. Those are rookie numbers.
There wasn’t any accidental sex?
oh hey, yet another kilff kingsberry offense starting to shit the bed the deeper we go into november and beyond
Gints fans, watching Saquon. Again.
Carl is a national treasure.
somebody gofundme another season of stone cold lock of the century of the week
One one hand Barkley going off means back in the relegation zone for me but on the other hand. Go Birds.
I was thinking the exact opposite, lol. Hooray for the yin and yang of fantasy
Fuck. Regression to the mean for Washington.
The Spanish broadcast just called it. Game over.
teams playing thursday night football are like leo dicaprio girlfriends, no matter how great they are aint nobody reaching 25
commies seize the means of joke production
Hmm. It seems if the Commies had kicked a field goal instead of going for it on fourth down they would only be one score behind at this point.
Not even a chance of a scorigami tonight. Booo
you can give me the ’72 dolphins playing the ’07 pats, or the montana/rice niners playing the 90s cowboys
but if its on thursday night, it doesnt matter. 12-10 or 13-8 is the final score
6-4 OT
Please. Please.
YAY, A THING!
I haven’t seen Commies this ineffectual since the Sleepy Lagoon Defense Committee in James Elroy’s The Big Nowhere.
Big if literate
“…no comment.”
— Lea M., CA
John Oliver made a reference to the “Lea Michele can’t read” bit on the most recent Last Week Tonight and it was delightful (if one is capable of completely compartmentalizing it from all the other grim shit that was talked about).
Wine drunj
LOLing at which of these dumbfucks Trump fires first. None of them are making it to 2026.
No I don’t.
Just give me 52 weeks of football.
.
kennedy wont get fired, kennedy’s never get fired because, ya know…
He’ll be fired out of a cannon, if anything.
“He’s just a little airborne! It’s okay! It’s okay!”
That’s good synergy.
Gotta get confirmed before they get fired, I think Gaetz and RFK are a bit much even for a red congress
Recess appointment or Article 2 hijinks to rub it in Congress’ face.
That’s what I would do if I could strong-arm Congress.
Least Jake Elliot should get some Linked In commercials out of this
Nah, no one wants to hear from someone going far left right now
Pffft
I want a fsa.
Haven’t seen a kicker fail this hard since a taikeando champ entered the ufc
FSA is nice except when you remember that it’s just money that you should have received months ago (before taxes, The IRS really is about to be a den of goddamn thieves.)
ABOUT to be?
True. What’s the worst that happens? They lose $7 trillion to a nice old man selling beans? Still a better deal than GWOT.
The SHAN’KLOR is STRONG with that one
So is the dagron
Oh my God, that kicker!
HAIL SHANK’LOR
One good thing for McCaffrey being injured this season is at least Kittle got a shitty little Caesars commercial out of it
I like how the refs are playing Russian roulette with the Philly crowd.
They need some free batteries
Lynch-A-Ref Day!
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Got a new Christmas tree from IKEA.
This is going to take a while.
Dadshirt is constipated and is listening to Gutfeld, which I can hear in the next room.
Pray for both of us, please.
I don’t think even Saint Valentine would pray for Gutfeld.
The sooner he falls asleep the sooner Gutfeld turns off. Either that or I break the DFO Record for Number of Hobos Killed in One Night.
There’s no way you’re killing fourteen hobos in one night, come on.
You don’t know the shit I’m hearing. They’re making Trump sound humble.
Also, the laughter is so soft and muted, I can almost imagine the audience at gunpoint.
It’s hard to laugh while smoking and hooked up to oxygen tanks.
Just trying to to get the shir flowing
As someone starting Aj Brown and Terry I haven’t been this blue balled since last season of game of thrones
10-6 seems like a perfectly cromulent score for a TNF game.
Lacks the panache of 8-5, though,
[reports WCS to I.C.E. for using an immigrant-soundin’ word]
Nah, that’s Louisianian
Meatchickgander, too.
How big a loser is he that he hasn’t been appointed to run jack shit?
Joe Schoen is done along with Daboll, Daboll! DABOLL!, right?
Waiting for Philly to reveal Fetterman as guest offensive coordinator
Angelo Cataldi deserves his chance. He’s earned it, and he’s an expert. Ask him.
What’s he going to do? Threaten to jump? The fans would egg him on.