Mine is headed to relegation as was foretold by me at the start of the season. I’ve had a remarkably bad run over the last four years but I still have fun. For now.
Minutiae:
-Jon Gruden has been really quiet these days which is not like him at all. Well that’s going to change soon because he’s now onboard at Barstool Sports! I don’t think I’ve ever visited that site and I don’t hear any good things about it either so Yay, Jon?
-There was so much attention paid to Tua recently and for pretty good reason. One guy that was never mentioned in these discussions? Jaquan Brisker. If you’re not a Bears fan (We Are Legion) you may have forgotten that he entered the concussion protocol waaay back on Oct. 7th and was just put on IR so he’s not playing for another month. Scary stuff.
-“Greenies it’s Flacco, the red one, it’s AR”: [Irsay closes his eyes, reaches his hand into a massive jar of pills] [Shane Steichen receives text, announces] “We are very pleased with Richardson’s progress and he’ll be starting this week.” FIN.
To The Game!
Commies/Birds:
-Kudos to retread Dan Quinn-all he had to do was find a mercurial talent at QB whose skills translate well to the pro game and BAM!, you’re a good coach again. It’s just that easy!
-Hurts is the first QB to have a throwing and rushing TD each week as well as a 100+ rating in four straight games.
-Meanwhile that rook qb is only the 2nd QB since 1970 to average 200 passing and 45 rushing yards to start his career after 10 games. The only other one? RG3. Aw shit.
-An Opening?: Saquon is rolling along, second only to King Henry in rushing per game. Washington has made great strides but the rush D is all the way back at 28th. If Barkley can continue the pace he’ll fly by LeSean McCoy’s record of 1,607 set back in 2013.
Enjoy.
Obligatory
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rOiW_xY-kc
If only the ground was a foot lower that would have been a catch!
Seen next to me today
Wearing all that shit inside your own car with all the windows up . . .
Al Qaeda? Genie? Klansperson? No immune system? Bank robber? Ugly?
(and don’t say I need a release because I fucking do not)
https://ibb.co/b6Pz7Rt
Star wars sand people cosplay
It’s a Tesla, the AC is probably stuck on and the windows won’t open
Practice leprosy mask for the upcoming communicable disease festival.
Something from Dune?
Asian
Fitzy dances like he’s cold and has to pee
Re: the punter…is “Tress” short for anything?
Tresston
Tressure
DisTress
Tresstablishment
First name Long, middle name Flowing
Tressatola of rock-a-rolla!
antidistressmentarianism
Let’s get a structure built that can house angry, crazed pit bulls. Cut a hole in the wall. Then shove each Kelce’s face into said hole until they stop screaming. God almighty make these fucking assholes go away.
As long as the Kardashians and Coach Prime walk free, that’s a misallocation of resources.
gruden got a barstool gig…him, too
Put that State Farm guy in there too.
Mahomes?
We can make it as big as we want. Room for P Diddy as well
Well this is brutal. Very questionable playcalling Kellen.
I feel like questionable playcalling is the Eagles’ schtick by now
Need some Kolb-Thrash passes.
The Kellen fields biggest slaughter by Commies since the Cambodia
“Psh. Those are rookie numbers”
-H. Kissinger
sirianni is gonna have a duracell bust his noggin by halftime
This keeps up it might be a Sears Diehard
It’s about to be Boo Bird time
Jake Elliott’s kicks are the only going left in PA these days.
He’s one of my ex- kickers.
HAHAHAHAHA!
2nd missed kick
This is officially the Darkest Timeline.
Never change, raiders
Oh, they won’t.
THAT TRICK PLAY LEMME TELL YA I CALL IT TET OFFENSIVE BECAUSE THE EAGLES THOUGHT IT WAS GONNA BE AN EASY TIME BUT THE COMMIES JUMPED THEM OUTTA NOWHERE
My old man. Dig that crazy old school photoshopping
Do we call them Elek or Vivon?
“Vivian”, obviously. Should get you nuked from twitter in less than a week.
Can we put in a FOIA request or something for the details of Musk’s naturalization? It would be so sweet if we got him denaturalized and deported
No secret: he worked here in the States on a student visa, after never attending the classes he was supposed to be attending. That’s against the law. But what the heck, laws are for proles.
think youd have to be dating someone else to endorse eating chunky
Oral sex on someone with an STD could also be referred to as “eating chunky.”
Eat shit Goodell! I’m going to RELEASE THE KRAKEN!!!
If the Unabomber could have held out a little longer, Trump would have named him the new Post Master General
Dejoy is still probably more damaging to the USPS
First ten songs of Request Line – Deep Cuts:
311 – Do You Right
Bad Religion – Don’t Sell Me Short
Bruce Springsteen – Blinded By the Light
Elton John – Texan Love Song
L7 – The Bomb
The Clash – Death or Glory
Jimi Hendrix – Bold as Love
The Stone Roses – Here it Comes
Violent Femmes – Never Tell
Off to an excellent start. This is going to be a pretty gratifying project, I think.
Whoops, forgot about #10:
Cat Stevens – The First Cut is the Deepest
I’m willing to give Quinn credit for the improvement in the defense. They were wretched last year, like vomit in your mouth a little bit bad. Didn’t bring in veterans, just drafted a bunch of kids in rounds 2-4 and now they have a moderately cromulent D!
TD Commies
Eat Shit Eagles
Aw, Commie Kitty!
Commie Kittie demands 5% increase year-over-year for three years in production of litter. If quotas not met, heads will roll.
Commie Kittie wants to empower the proletariat RIGHT MEOW!
Commie Kittie believes the workers should own the means of paw-duction.
Leave the fighting in the stands where it belongs
In honor of the Steelers v. Ravens game, I’m getting shitfaced and then wandering my quaint suburban neighborhood looking to perform a home invasion if I see someone flying a Steelers flag.
Portrait of the Idiot as a Young Man
The Fifth Monkee
I’ll have you know I was slaying Catholic high school girls. But they never caught me.
“Let me show you how to use a ben wa rosary”
I wish a Defender would just jump cleat first on to the tush push pile. Bet that would stop that from being called again.
…or go after Hurts’ face in the pile. You want to expose your franchise player to that every 3rd and 1 and 4th and 1?
“He’s not close to being satisfied yet.”
“And very welcome in the locker room.”
Maybe I’m reading too much into things tonight.
The Deci-Daddy week comes to completion tomorrow. The Iggles are on, Deci has earned his tablet time, out on those headphones so I can let the expletives fly.
Go Birds.
i am not really worried
if history has taught us anything, if you want a kennedy gone…
This time around the Kennedys are going kill you
“I wish to play a round of golf with one of the Kennedys.”
[monkey’s paw curls]
two good teams
same thursday night football
This just in, Arian Grande was killed today when a butterfly flew into her.
She looks off.
.
Fly Eagles Fly…to the left
HAIL SHA’NKLOR
FROM WHOM ALL BLESSINGS FLOW!
69 going down. niiiice
[puts hands over ears]
“LALALALALALALA”
Also consider signing up for BlueSky!
Its Rocking!
Also considering signing up for Scientology!
Its Consuming!
I am there, have to figure out how it works. BeefReefer is there too
I just wanted to express my condolences on your loss. Here’s hoping Gumby ran into my dad somewhere in the after life and they’re raising a little hell.
Dead Bird on the field.
Found a funny:
It’s just like how, if the Joker was elected mayor in a Batman cartoon, he would put all of Gotham’s biggest criminals in charge of departments responsible for their own specific crimes.
Matt Gaetz is The Diddler
That’s perfect!
How dare you defame a great man like The Joker by comparing him to Trump!
“We could see a push tush tonight.”
Al Michaels heard that in a San Francisco bar.
Yesterday was up at 530, went to my inlaws to make homemade pasta and ravioli, then I came home and spent two hours putting together a motherfucking 3D printer. Ten year olds make shitty assistants. Got the fucker put together. Doesn’t work. Spent two more hours today trying everything, including trying to read a Chinese website that Google “translated” into English. Fucking thing still not working.
I like that jjfozz’s life is a cross between Goodfellas and that episode of the Simpsons where Homer tries to build a backyard barbecue pit.
Someone definitely ends up with a corkscrew in the base of the neck.
Throw in any operating room scene from MASH and you’ve got it.
Once you get it working, could you use your 3D printer to make another 3D printer?
Someone just watched Inception, finally!
I’ve been tempted to get one, but 3D printers sound like a big PITA to get to work right.
I’ve gone over this fucking thing multiple times. It’s a miracle I didn’t kick it when I was the only one in the house. Piece of shit.
This is only the FIFTH song of the entire Request Line catalog (courtesy of Low Commander) and poor Lowratio was already catching strays:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y3AZpJ6fHWA
This might be considered insulting, but I’m not sure Lowratio is “people”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8bfyS-S-IJs&pp=ygUZc2hvcnQgcGVvcGxlIHJhbmR5IG5ld21hbg%3D%3D
I’m unsure of what Mrs. Fozz did to the chicken tonight, but I’m going out to bury it in the backyard before she’s convicted of crimes against humanity.
“FINE, I WON’T BOTHER COOKING ANYMORE.”
Well, there’s always frozen pizza. Waffles. Toast. Eggs. Pasta. Ramen. Hot dogs. Nachos.
That covers my cooking ability.
Wait, I can also make meatballs.
had a dinner abomination this week when the mrs put baking soda in the container labeled flour , and the trout fry was biggest let down this year since Mike Trout.
Sorry, dude.
aw dammit
That sounds more like a prank than a mistake.
More like a misdemeanor.
…
Good point. They were illustrating the light, not that Ohio State can go to General Quarters Battle Stations in case the city of Columbus invades the campus.
I’m having Meatball subs and hoping the Meatball coach comes out tonight in front of the home crowd.
Quick!
Noah Brown tonight
Wicks vs Bears
Questionable Higgins vs Chargers
Nailor vs Titans
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7SdIJimk-w8
Higgins; if he looks doubtful Sunday then Wicks.
If we’re doing this, I need a new pack of cigarettes (I’LL QUIT NEXT WEEK), and more coffee…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FR-REDevAzk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WKLMI-vMGiE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_PIhxoF79jM
Gruden to Barstool? Well, THAT certainly tracks.
However, is he really going to have time for that while serving as the head of tRumpy’s White House Task Force on Global Sporting Events?
Go big and make him Secretary of State. Why the hell not?
I suggest the DFO make an Bluesky account soon, The Tribe has spoken and the its moving to Bluer Skies
Evening Folks
As requested, here it is.
Can’t wait for the new Infowars to report that the dangers of whizzing on an electric fence have been vastly overstated and that doing so will actually increase your testosterone levels.
Electro shock has been proved to work on both heads
.