I hope everyone enjoyed their December FITBAW. I ended up sleeping a lot, so mind the gaps (PHRASING).
Almost all of the quality early came from the AFC East. Q-aron finally had a throwback statistical performance, leading his charges to 23-15 and 26-23 Q4 leads that his defense could not, would not hold. Tua also went for 300+, and had the temerity to win the Extra Time coin flip and lead the LOLfins to an easy TD drive. Miami hangs on, 32-26. Q-aron has a sad.
Did Hippo REALLY start both of Braelon Allen and Isaiah Davis, and live to tell the tale? Fuck and YES!
Dingleberry’s revenge was kind of messy. Like his “footwork” and quartered backing in 2024. Two more pickerceptions for the pile, and I think that’s his 4th start in a row with ZERO tuddies. Yikes. Touch of Downs, on the other hand, rewarded his real life and fantasy supporters – with FIVE scoring tosses (4 after Hippo fell asleep), 3 to Addison, 2 to JJ. Minny rolls, 42-21.
Did Hippo REALLY also have both Addison and JJ starting? Chuh and CHUH!!
The Legend of White Mac led his charges into Nashville for the Bataan Death March of football contests. After three quarters of play, the home side led….6-0. NO, this was not a weather game, this is just the best these shitmonkeys can do. Somehow, Duuuuuvvvvaaalllll managed 10 Q4 points for the 10-6 road win. Fuck if I know what happened, and nobody really cares (sorry, DonT – you need that good draft pick anyway).
Apparently the Saints blocked a placement kick at the death, thwarting a furious Horse Cock Lock (who was 0-for-8 when I nodded off) comeback. To no avail, Saints win 14-11. And Emo Carr seemingly broke his hand. They should sure be a fun December watch (sorry, Mister Pickle).
Tomlin Voodoo keeps on rolling, as his defensing unit baited out “Bad Jameis” again and again. PIT gets its vengeance for the snow TNF loss, by a 27-14 final. What I saw was boring, but Coach Epps surely said we DO NOT care.
The continued, random breakout of Sincere McCormick (what a name!) was not enough for Vegas, losers by a 28-13 count in Tampa. MRSA Men killed Rod Favra again, so the Desmond Ridder experience it is for the Raiders, going forward. Oy.
Wee Bryce almost led the Black Panthers back for a super-unlikely road win in Philly. But he didn’t. That dude who apparently placed a record $3M+ moneyline bet on Philly no doubt shit his pants – and more than once. But he collects his $450K(ish) anyway. Fucking rich cocksuckers. Oh, Philly’s final margin is 22-16. Black Panther rookie RB Jonathan Brooks is ded again, poor bastard.
Bananacakes aplenty for the RRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! faithful, and they even saw their homies limp across the line with a 44-42 win. Good on OKC Bomber for NOT taking a FG on their last real drive, going for it on 4th successfully not once but TWICE (inside FG range). Brokeback was on fire, and a 41-35 lead would have elicited joy and hearty laughter from the Bills Mafia sideline. But he coached the game he had, knowing he’d need that two score margin. Which was, indeed, sufficient (after the onsides recovery).
Tomsulas kicked the shit out of Chi****, 38-13. Pyhrrically lost a THIRD running back to injury, though (Guerrero foot sprain, those are never good). Bearistocrats! will hope to re-tool their act over the offseason, but 2024 has just been more sucking and fucking (ever since DC).
SeaTruthers continue their baffling, winning ways, putting the last shovel of dirt on Xbox Jr. and the 2024 Qards. 30-18, Seattle wins in the desert. I noticed absolutely nothing here.
I did not watch SNF, but since I was awake (thanks, nap!) I will at least briefly summarize. The stupid Chefs won, because the stupid Chefs ALWAYS win. This is how the AFC West “race” ends, not with a bang, but a whimper. I think Al Davis originally said that. There was a little drama late, waiting to see if it would be a TD or a FG at the death. FG won, 19-17.
Oops.
https://twitter.com/Nate_Tice/status/1865852562970497221
Fucking hell you had me worried that Randy Moss had died.
Hahahahaha
yes! YES!
Since nothing as boneheaded comes to mind from the games yesterday, I’ll just say that I know my day cannot be as bad as this guy’s was.
https://twitter.com/ProducerDrew_/status/1865955908053880918
At that point, does the entire Philadelphia Flyers organization need to start doing suicide sprints?
Suicide something
I would love to have the tech talent to do something like this. There would be a dick in Saint Mark’s Square and over the interweb.
That seems like the only thing AI would actually be useful for
https://www.newsweek.com/aircraft-phallic-shape-marine-corps-flight-pattern-marines-map-aircraft-spots-1188424
https://www.businessinsider.com/lufthansa-pilot-drew-15-mile-long-penis-shape-sky-diversion-2023-8
Pilots are … really something else, aren’t they?
I could swear there used to be one in the clubhouse, too. Or maybe I’m confusing two other things as “pilot door guy”
I have my PPL. I got it when I lived in South Africa. It cost a lot of money and all it ever really did for me was score me a makeout session with a nice lass who later went on to work in a dolphin show on Bermuda. I’d love to keep flying but my income can’t support such an expensive hobby.
https://www.tmz.com/2022/11/05/military-plane-penis-image-syria-air-force/
Kyler Murray has never played even an average football game with playoff implications his whole career.
2020: Win onw of two remaining games and you’re in the playoffs. He looks awful and loses both.
2021: Start 10-2. Looks awful to end the season losing four of the last five games and backdoors into the wildcard game and literally plays one of the worst playoff games ever posting a QBR of like 12.
Then two years off for injury/growth.
2024: Can’t find an answer against against the Geno Smith Seahawks in a home game.
Murray is the kind of competitor who’ll put up 60 points against a Pop Warner team but, as a week-to-week proposition — there’s a reason no one traded up to take that #1 pick from Mike Bidwill.
(Mike Bidwill’s sexuality aside)
Michael Salfino’s warning to Iggles folk:
To recap, the 1975 Steelers were the last team to win a Super Bowl with more rushing yards than passing yards in the regular season. There have been 25 playoff teams since then and they are 15-25 in the playoffs. You need to beat the opponent with the passing game and then beat the clock with the run.
This week’s game between the Steelers and Eagles will be quite interesting to see.
Indeed. I think the Yinzers are closer than Philly to having the balance right.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zfiISFiozg8
Run defenses have been slowly degrading though. I feel like so many teams bought into the idea that the run only exists to set up the passing game that it’s allowed the RB resurgence we have this year.
Except for the Bears who have never had an O-line that can pass protect and this year, for the first time evah, have one that can’t run block either.
It was a good day for JJs all around as Jauan Jennings also had 2 TDs. No idea what JJ Watt was up to but it was probably some horribly boring yet annoying thing that he totally enjoyed.
If I had been psychic enough to start Charbs in my superflex league, where I’m win and in, I would be comfortably ahead. As it is I’m leading by 11 with my opponent having an optical disc drive yet to play. Let’s all root for the Cowpersons and especially Ceedee Lamb to lay a turd tonight!
JJ Watt was at the Steelers game rooting for his brother and wearing some questionable clothing:
That fits!
I miss the days when absolving video wasn’t so readily available and tabloids could run with headlines like:
BREAKING: JJ WATT SUSPECTED OF CHILD ABUSE AS HE’S CAUGHT ON CAMERA RAISING HIS HAND TO HIS INFANT SON!
The abuse is being born into that family of unbearable, try-hard dickheads.
Yes, how tragic to be born with those genetics into to a loving family who now has generational wealth.
Maybe not tragic for the kid (although I can see some neuroses in his future), but potentially tragic for the rest of us who have to tolerate the media attention that’ll result if the kid plays college/pro sports
Who are you? What did you do with our club member?
Is Nick Siarrini one Superb Owl win instead of loss from being this generation’s Barry Switzer?