This is Nocturnes Magazine, a look into the Brooklyn Nocturnes.

Okay… that doesn’t help me. Who are the Brooklyn Nocturnes and what do they do?

Remember the diceball I mentioned? Well, I’m going to use a monthly Wumbo column to write in more detail because it got modest enough love in comments and the backchannels!

Modest enough? (Meanwhile, clearly readying pitchforks and/or torches)

Yes. Come on, this is me, to my knowledge I’m not getting barnburners until I actually put all the fun luthier pics together and show fixing a violin. And also, this is the writer who covers robot fighting and kayfabe marbles, this one I at least have some skin in the game, so go with it and maybe we can convince Alex to not be a stranger because we miss him, and teh Hippo to write of the adventures of Bernard Gilkey in the 23rd Century. Have we gone post-post-apocalyptic? I don’t know, but I’d be interested in finding out if the world got better! (It probably didn’t.) I’d be interested in finding out if the United States (incl. Canada, because fuck everything) won a World Cup! (They almost definitely didn’t, that’s for my old save of New Star Soccer Mobile where Space Captainface led the U.S. to go back to back and was 4 points away from a perfect season for a different Pretend Man City.)

Fine, but the big part of the diceball is the -ball part. We know it’s baseball!

Yes, but this will have the added thing of not having to watch, or I guess listen to, the thing if you don’t want to. And if you do, the links actually are on Spotify.

The Brooklyn Nocturnes were awarded as an expansion team to be the 10th Dice Baseball League squad for Season F, paired with the River Heights Sleuths. Two additional teams were also added to make 13 in total: the Anchorage Kodiaks and the New York Titans. (The Titans were a last-minute addition for the briefly-extant Atlanta Bashers, who played one preseason game against Brooklyn.)

Brooklyn struggled early, but in the end went 6-7 through the preseason (0-3 vs. RH; 1-0 @ ATL; 1-2 @ ANC; 2-1 @ RH; 2-1 vs. ANC). Here are some of the highlights:

Game 1 @ ATL (Game 4 overall): W, 4-0
After a rough home sweep vs. River Heights that saw the offense score 5 runs in 3 games, the pitching took it into their own hands, as Nocturnes ace Dakota Story threw a complete game shutout, striking out 7 and allowing 1 walk, striking out 6. CI (there’s no positional designations, it’s CI-MI-OF) Miles Vengerov had an RBI double to give Brooklyn the lead, and OF Ritzy Chambers hit a 3-run homer for the final margin and to give Story enough rope to finish it off despite a +1 fatigue for every swing roll in the 9th, earning him the nickname “Love Story.”

Okay, swing roll? What are we talking here?

Did you play MLB Showdown?

No.

Okay. Link here. Basically, for any standard at-bat you roll a 20-sided die twice. First time is the pitch. Every pitcher has a control or advantage number that adds to the roll. If it meets/exceeds the batter’s advantage number, they get the second roll and it’s on the pitcher’s card, otherwise it goes to the batter, who rolls for result on their card. Our league plays it a little differently in terms of fatigue, where instead of -1 to the pitch we give +1 to the swing.

Game 3 vs. ANC (Game 15/13 overall): W, 9-7
A back-and forth game after Brooklyn took a lead in the 5th on a pinch hit single by Felix Ermantrout, and had a 6-5 lead going into the top of the 9th. However, closer Rusty Finch gave up 2 in the inning, putting Brooklyn down 7-6 and in need of the extra card going into the bottom of the 9th.

Extra card?

As the link mentions, there are strategy cards to modify swings/rolls/result. Each team starts with 5, and gains another at the start of every inning. The home team picks up an additional “loser” card in the bottom of the 9th, only if losing. (No cards are drawn in extras.)

In that bottom of the 9th, Brooklyn was able to get two runners on against Kodiaks closer Aspen Gray, but with two outs, Guy Herzog came to the plate. With two outs, Two-Out Rally gave +2 (thanks to Herzog being a switch hitter and having advantage), and despite Gray’s advantage, the 20+2 meant a 22 roll and a walkoff 3-run homer as the Nocturnes won the preseason finale.

Overall preseason player highlights:

#24-OF Ritzy Chambers: .263/.323/.509, 4 HR, 10 RBI
Chambers was at his best in River Heights, as he hit 3 homers in the last two games of the series to help propel the Nocturnes to a series win.

#25-C Chubby Kingman: .250/.351/.656, 4 HR (2 GS), 14 RBI
Kingman’s power bat (9 advantage, but an 18+ homer) led the team in RBIs and SLG and had a share of the OPS title with Herzog and the HR title with Chambers, despite 15 and 25 fewer ABs, respectively. One of those two grand slams tied the game in the top of the 9th at Anchorage, though Brooklyn would lose that game in the bottom of the inning.

#3 CI/DH Guy Herzog: .362/.434/.574, 2 HR, 8 RBI
Herzog led the team in AVG and OBP and tied with OPS with Kingman, and that walkoff homer led to that game being the only exhibition game covered on the Spotify page and the only one to make any expansion team’s Greatest Games page.

#34 SP Dakota Story: 5 G/GS, 3-2, 33.1 IP, 3.24 ERA, 1 CGSO
Story showed like he could a force to deal with for seasons to come, as he had three different starts of 7+ IP and 1 R or fewer. As good as his CGSO was in Atlanta, allowing 6 H and 1 BB, he may have been even better in his home start vs. Anchorage, as he went 8 IP, allowing only 3 H and no walks, retiring the last 16 batters he faced in order. Rusty Finch closed it out for a 2-0 win, as though Artie Cronin hit a double to buoy the lone run Story had been staked with in the 1st, Brooklyn couldn’t give any more insurance, leading to the difficult decision to take Story out.

Setting up the season:
The season has actually already started, and Brooklyn has finished its first series against divisional foe Seattle (long story) and are currently through the first two games at home vs. Springfield. We’ll go over highlights in the next issue.

The Dice Baseball League can be found here. Most games can be found—check for games marked “BKN” for Nocturnes games.

Meanwhile, in pre-Wild Card news…

No, the Chiefs did not throw the game to the Donks to keep the Bengals out. So sayeth Mr. Swift (who was a right pain for my fantasy team this year).

Everything else is fairly quiet as reverberations from Black Monday continue.

So, what’s on tonight?

My Iceball Team Infuriates Me, but yours might not!
-Probably still in need of a goalie vs. In need of a lot but they do have Bedard! (COL vs. CHI, 7:30, TNT)
-Now playing “outdoors” (at a dome) near you! vs. HAIL TO THE HOCKEY CLUB (FLA vs. Utah, 10:00, TNT)

My Roundball Team’s Coach’s Rotations Infuriate Me, but yours might not!
-Adam Silver’s least favorite potential Finals preview but they’re the two top teams so far (OKC vs. CLE, 7:00, ESPN)
-Not Vince Carter walking through the doors vs. Vibes vs. Rundown (TOR vs. NYK, 7:30, TSN for the Canada)
-RiverwalkChess vs. Giannis and Pals (SAS vs. MIL, 9:30, ESPN) 

My JV Roundball Team… got ranked at one point this year though they lost shortly thereafter but maybe they’ll actually make the tourney, and no the First Four doesn’t count?
-Fightin’ Lowratios vs. Soon-to-be Knicks (UConn vs. Villanova, in progress, FS1)
-A10 Action! Dayton vs. UMass (7:00, but it’s Peacock)
-Too Old for Gaetz vs. Yours, Mine, and Arkansas (Ole Miss vs. Arkansas, 7:00, ESPN2)
-Troy Boiz vs. Turtley Enough for the Turtle Club—wait, is this a conference game now? (USC vs. Maryland, 8:30, FS1)
-Pitchforkin’ Co-Eds vs. Rock Chalk (ASU vs. Kansas, 9:00, ESPN2)
-Off We Goooo… vs. JV BOLTMEN (Air Force vs. San Diego State, 10:30, FS1)

Okay, thanks to everyone who was there for Christmas and New Year’s. We’re back, baby! (And I promise to only do this once a month or so, normal Wumbo next week.)

Hope everyone in the LA contingent is safe and okay. Keep sounding off and giving updates.