As expected from all NFL journalists, DFO ground tape and concurs with the top analysts: this draft class underwhelms. Except Travis Hunter. There are so many astounding highlights of Hunter playing against kids. And, call me subjective, but Cameron Ward is a worthy #1 pick, franchise QB DNA through and through. It’s beyond argument; ask any teen Media Studies major who played against him. When does the Draft start anyway?
NFL NEWS
-The Texans and Browns hog the pre-Draft spotlight with a trifling trade:
-WR Tyler Lockett signs with the Titans
Sufficed to say, I’m clearing shelf space for the 2026 Lombardeee, right next to my bootleg TEN helmet I bought in Ciudad México.
SPORTS HAPPENINGS TONIGHT
All times Central
Stanley Cup Playoffs
Round 1
Vegas @ MinnesoUta (1-1) : 8:00
Winnipeg @ St. Louis (2-0) : 8:00
nba playoffs
Indiana @ Milwaukee (2-0) : 7:00
Lakers @ MinnesoUta (1-1) : 8:30
Top Flight Fútbol
Uf. All over this hemisphere.
Enjoy the first round. Man… I wanna go out tonight.
When did they start letting 40-year-olds play college football?
Well, this aged poorly…
https://twitter.com/DeionSanders/status/1785678932622311863
He meant Top 5 rounds
That kid was not expecting to go top 10.
He can get contested catches, which is good since he’ll never get open.
Carolina now has a tiny QB and a big slow WR. Winning formula!
With the 9th Pick the Saints select to own the Master Tapes to Must Be The Money and some ozempic for Zion Williamson
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C1uKRdtZJj0
Who’s the Panthers QB?
Some Guy.
Ah, shit. I was hoping McMillan would go to Dallas.
They can re-sign Gallup. Problem solved.
Dallas needs an eight-ball. I mean a three-technique.
Dallas needs new ownership.
Did Abdule Carter just end up in Carolina?!
They’ll take Walker out of UGA
Well, I’m midseason form for being wrong
That woulda been better.
With the 8th Pick selects anyone with functioning legs and arms who can rush the passer. Prefer males.
Just a brutal supercut of Jets’ draft picks, nicely done ESPN
have to offset the competence somehow
J-E-S-T with a… SMRT pick?
This guy’s sinew just immediately dry-rotted, will spend three seasons on IR.
“Abdul Carter is going to wreck the gotdamn league if he isn’t deported or forced to sell his peanut farm.”
-D. Trump, a football scout in an alternate universe
Great pick for the Jets. I’m sure Membou will really solidify the Eagles’ line on their way to the 2029 Super Duper Bowl.
browns kinda did a smart
jets kinda did a smart
im scared
I look forward to the 30-for-30 special about this draft “The Year the Draft Phones Were Hacked”.
look at me, not bothering to scroll down
This is the darkest timeline after all…
“It Blew Up In Their Faces”
-a 30 For 30, a few years from now
Pretty quick turnaround for the Jets to draft Kyle Brady
We’ve had a trade. Now, it’s time for #LOLJets
With the 7th Pick the Jets select for Trump to make Woody Johnson the ambassador to North Korea and he needs to stay there
Send him to Kiev wearing a bullseye and “Vlad is a pussy” written in Russian.
Brick too, please.
Brick Meathook: “What the hell did I do?”
https://bsky.app/profile/amandamull.bsky.social/post/3lnlymzjtrs2i
“HI IM MARK DAVIS AND TONIGHT GIRLFRIEND SAID THAT THIS WAS THE PICK TO MAKE!”
/upcoming feel-good story recited by the next Bama OL pick
“This fella in the wheelchair trying to cheer for me was a fully-functional ballboy my freshman year. But I thought he was a faggot so me and some boys crippled him real hard one night. We was wrong and he can now eat through a straw after several years of rehablation! His is a story of regurgation and that should be celebated! Thank yuo Merica!
Jeanty’s big momma is a Dependopottamus. Not even slightly surprised.
I mean, good I guess? Nothing wrong with Jeanty as a prospect, just feel like the Raiders will fuck it up somehow.
MY TODAY GIRLFRIEND SAID JEANTY WOULD BE A GOOD PLAYER BUT THAT SHE NEEDED TO INTERVIEW HIM AND NOW HE HAS SYPHILIS!!!
Shadeur’s going to end up in Dallas…
YYYYYYYYYYYYYHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
Sanders winning a Super Bowl with the Steelers would fit my “God hate me” hypothesis.
Don’t make me join the Habsburg Resistance.
Raiders did a good?
FUCK! Raiders took my running back! Fuck you Carrol!
Jeanty was never lasting to 12, and despite what he was babbling about earlier, JJ was not going to be willing to do what it took to trade up to get him.
“How are you gonna make amends to these Ohio State fans?”
“Fuck ’em”
Browns doing good?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pviXdOJz_Dw&pp=ygUkc3BvbmdlYm9iIHBhdHJpY2sgd2hhdCBraW5kIG9mIHBsYWNl
…and Shedeur Sanders is officially on the Aaron Rodgers Experience.
Keeping me here for another 15 years of hate…wait, guys black, he won’t get a free pass. never mind.
He’s not even there. He read the tea leaves.
With the 6th Pick the Raiders select the 70% off senior special discount at the M resort breakfast buffet.
Well that’s boring.
How fitting for Cleveland.
Why do I get the feeling we’re all going to laugh our asses off at this next pick?
Well, it wasn’t Sanders…
ghost of Al Davis summoning circle
Worse outfit of the night
It doesn’t even fit. Omar the Tentmaker is slacking.
Time to see if Cleveland goes with Sanders or if they punch a ticket in the Arch Sweepstakes.
why not both?
Arch it is.
Live look at Cleveland “war room” ?
With the 5th Pick the Browns select for the final stop of the JD Vance World Death to be a meet and greet with Deshaun Watson
I would think the current admin likes DeShaun, given his penchant for rapeyness.
Fails the paper bag test.
With that green suit Will Campbell looks like my pool table has become sentient and is walking out of the house.
talks just like Forrest, Forrest Gump
Yeah, that hamster isn’t exactly spinning that wheel too hard, is it?
“Dirty Fat White Boys”
-Pats fans, altering that Foreigner tune
4 for 4!
P*triots pick a white guy? Is his grittiness off the charts?
lowest melanin dash score
Patriots should trade down.
Mostly because they’re generally terrible about making these picks.
Just so you know, the things that are being said about Carter were the very same things being said about Kayvon Thibidodeaux
Well sure, but not to their faces.
But this time will be different
We have always been at war with Eastasia
To recap Spam’s picks, for the new page:
1. QB Cam Ward
2. DB Travis Hunter
3. DL Abdul Carter
4. OL Will Campbell
5. RB Ashton Jeanty
6. OL Kelvin Banks Jr.
7. TE Tyler Warren
8. DL Mason Graham
9. DL Tyleik Williams
10. OL Armand Membou
“HA HA NICE BIG NECKKLACE WITH YOUR NAME ON IT ABDUL”
-me, now picking my teeth out of the gutter
*couldn’t tell, may not have actually been his name…got my face beaten in for no reason
Biggest impact by a Muslim in New York history?
nah, a bush was not involved with this one
….yet
With the 4th Pick the Pats select Experimental Go Go Gadget Arms for the baby armed lineman Will Campbell
Spam is 3 for 3!
To be fair, those 3 picks were basically unanimous. If I get #5 right, that’ll be a shock (now that it’s CLE’s pick)
I can see Cleveland taking Sanders there.
How bout Bears moving up to take Jeanty, Cleveland getting MOAR draft picks?
That would be sensible, but it’s Cleveland.
Oh God, that would be hilarious!
Eli approves of that pick
I don’t say this very often on Draft Night but, good job Giants.
Also what Lowratio says after a sexy evening.
“Giants Pick Is In”
Dimes is throwing a pick six?
With the 3rd Pick – the Giants select, a for Jalen Brunson to pass the fucking ball……and a monster OLB.
…but…he’s going to Jacksonville. I mean it’s better than Cleveland but not by much.