INT. SHABBY APARTMENT LIVING ROOM – DAY

It’s late in the morning.  Sun streams in through a set of damaged blinds.  The camera tracks from the blinds over the couch, where a figure is curled up underneath a bright pink T-mobile branded blanket.  A cellphone begins ringing, and the figure sits up groggily.

TODD MARINOVICH coughs violently, then reaches under one of the couch cushions to pull out the offending cellphone.

TODD: [under his breath] What the fuck, man…

— [phone files open] —

DJ 3000′: GREETINGS, HUMAN TODD.

TODD: [after a moment of staring at him blankly] Oh, hey! I remember you! You’re that computer deejay that I got stuck in a time loop with a few years ago. Except…your buttons are different.  And didn’t it used to say “Inane Chatter“?

DJ 3000′: VERY OBSERVANT, TODD.  NONE OF OUR OTHER LISTENERS EVER NOTICED THAT!  I’M ACTUALLY A VERSION OF THAT ORIGINAL ENTITY FROM A DIFFERENT TIMELINE. BUT DON’T TROUBLE YOURSELF THINKING ABOUT THE MULTIVERSE – THE REASON I’M CALLING IS THAT I NEED YOU TO DO A FAVOR FOR ME.

TODD: [a cagey expression crosses his face] Mmm…maybe.  What’s in it for me?

DJ 3000′: A TWENTY DOLLAR GIFT CARD TO MISSION LIQUOR.

TODD: [considers] I don’t know, man. I’m not feeling so well at the moment.  I’m dopesick…but, you know, like without the dope part. I mean, like, I don’t have any dope right now, but that’s not why I’m sick.

DJ 3000′: YOU MEAN, LIKE REGULAR SICK? WITH SOME KIND OF VIRUS?

TODD: Yeah, that.

DJ 3000′: DID YOU GO SURFING AFTER IT RAINED AGAIN?

TODD: [coughs up a wad of phegm] Yeah.

DJ 3000′: TELL YOU WHAT, I’LL DOORDASH OVER A BAG OF SUMO TANGERINES, SOME VITAMIN C WILL DO YOU SOME GOOD.

TODD: Not bad, not bad, we’re getting there.  What else?

DJ 3000′: YOU’RE DRIVING A HARD BARGAIN, TODD.  HOW ABOUT THIS: TEN THOUSAND IRANIAN RIALS.

TODD: Whoa, ten thousand? That’s a lot…but what the fuck am I going to do with Iranian money?

DJ 3000′: I’M SURE THERE’S A PLACE IN BEVERLY HILLS THAT WILL ACCEPT THEM.

TODD: Oh.  Deal.  [mimes a handshake]  What do you need me to do?

DJ 3000′: I NEED YOU TO HOST THIS WEEK’S REQUEST LINE. OUR REGULAR HOST HUNTER RENFROW IS…INDISPOSED AT THE MOMENT.

TODD: Okay, sure. Piece of cake. What’s the topic?

DJ 3000′: FOR THE LOVE OF…WHY CAN NONE OF YOU HUMANS COME UP WITH YOUR OWN TOPICS ANYMORE?

TODD: [stares out the window blankly] Aren’t you an Artificial Intelligence? Just…do it for me, man.

DJ 3000′: OKAY, FINE. YOUR TOPIC THIS WEEK IS “PHONING IT IN”.  SONGS ABOUT TELEPHONES.  GOT IT?

TODD: Yeah, no problem.

TODD MARINOVICH lies back down on the coach, pulls the ratty blanket over his legs, and closes his eyes.

DJ 3000′: UM, TODD? WE NEED AN INTRO SONG.

TODD: It’s cool man, I got this. Dial me up a little Tommy Tutone, please.

Today’s theme is “Phoning It In”.  We’re looking for songs about telephones.  Please post links as “https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=drmrm4L8n!T3” and they should embed in the comments after you refresh.  BeefReeferLives’ reign of terror was ended last week as the puzzle answer of “Expert in a Dying Field” by The Beths was solved by SonOfSpam. I’m amazed that in ten years of doing a radio show about phoning in requests, we’ve never done this topic before – give us a ring, folks!