Didja Hear? Sunday Chasm Etc. Etc.

Welcome to The Chasm, the pair of Sundays after preseason games and before the National Football Lee kicks off. You may think it’s off-putting, this unnecessary delay. I say different. These 10 days between any game or even joint practice “action” puts the NFL squarely in the Teasing Hall of Fame. In my opinion, a tease somewhere between “Keep it up if you wanna be partner [warm handshake, shoulder pat]!” and “Like this bra [raises blouse]?”

According to the literature #Obvio

NFL FANTASY NEWS

-Indy WR Keenan Allen was arrested on drunk-driving charges. Cops approached Allen’s car, which was in a no-parking zone, and allege that he “showed signs of intoxication”. I think Allen will beat the rap. The item does not mention an open container, which is what would be expected of Allen, a possession receiver.

[…]

, Packers RB Josh Jacobs is on the Commissioner’s Exempt List. For those not versed in NFLese, the exempt list is pro fitbaw’s enforcement of a season-long Soviet-style erasure from the sports consciousness.

NFL NEWS

[opens espen]

Oh my GAWD whaaaaaa… Uffff.

Ok, I’ll elaborate.

-Denver LB Jonathon Cooper is also on the exempt list.  Yeah… No. I wasn’t referring to that.

-Miami signs backup QB Kyle McCord on a trade with the Packers yadda yadda.

–Per sources, TEN will cut QB Will Levis.

[Double fist bump at air, clutches chest after re-reading “sources told ESPN” hedge, settles back in chair].

I’ve written about Levis before, at length. Definitely waaay too much, tbh. There’s more to cover this PM, so let me just summarize how I feel about this Will Levis thing:

-CATACLYSMIC NEWS: it’s official. Aaron Donald comes out of retirement and

[tries to read rest of news item]

The former All Pro signs a $20 mill—JESUCRISTO DIOS WILL LEVIS DE VA DE TENNESSEEE WUUUUuuuuUUUUUU

 🎶AFUERA🎶

 🎶NO VUELVAS🎶

 🎶NOS VEMOS🎶

 🎶M TS M TS M TS M TS🎶

[INTERMISSION]

One of my fave things about DFO is that, immaturity notwithstanding, we all are grown-ass adults here. So I am sure, 100% positive, that at any stage of your lives, every one of youse have encountered a know-it-all, young innocent who was as clueless as purposeful: a thorough annoyance with a leadership bent who would be pathetic and hilarious IF NAWT for being a partner in your school assignment or a coworker in a joint project.

That was Will Levis for the Titans. Once or twice he would pull things out of his ass out of sheer ability, but the vast, vast, vast majority of time he looked like a robot programmed to throw to a wide open LB, fumble directly to a blitzing DB, and diligently scramble into sacks. Ah OK I’m in the weeds.

SPORTS TONIGHT

Grandes Ligas

–Rojos (Burns, 14-3) @ Cachorros (Imanaga, 8-9) – 6:20 Central

As a child and teen, the Reds were my baseball team. Back then, Eric Davis was the ballplayer that most amazed me. Him and Bo Jackson; that’s what remains on my rusty baseball memories. Eventually, I lost interest in baseball and followed the NFL even closer—closer and closer, until it became the only league I followed. But I can still recall, with much happiness, when the Reds won the ’90 World Series. And I remember that as vividly as when I found out today that Will Levis was going to be cut by the Titans.

Levis is out of TEN, ya’ll!

FINALLY,

listen: it’s bad enough to have a clueless guy at a leadership position. But when that guy (because it’s always a fucking guy, never a gal) has such a high opinion of himself that he wings it on gut instead of following rules, plays, protocol, directives, game film, common sense, pleadings from the huddle, orders out to the green-dot helmet, shouts of WHY ARE YOU SCRAMBLING THROW THE FUCKING BALL AWAY from everybody on his bench and the pressbox AND the paying public… Ay men, je je je. This is how I feel right now.

Now that I can export all Levis PTSD flashbacks into the “Fun Bloopers” brain directory, let me say, earnestly: if Levis makes it on another NFL team and contributes, I will be happy. For hard workers, which Levis certainly was in Tennessee—WAS 🥳🎈🎊🎉—I will always celebrate success in a different environment.

Talent is talent. And yet, the right environment can be key for developing skills and even making the most fuckheaded fitbaw player realize that he’s part of a team with a plan. Perhaps with a better offensive roster and coaches, Levis can become an able QB instead of a god damned nitwit committed to heroball despite it being the 3^rd QRT of a 10-10 game.

If Levis develops, and excels in another team as a starter, I will be the first one to celebrate it. And as it would be the Apocalypse, I would be right to celebrate it.

All images via giphy.com