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Hello there fellow DFO’er. Hope you’re well today. And thanks for coming back to see last weeks comments of the week as decided by my brain. There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.
This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:
The belief in a supernatural source of evil is not necessary. Men alone are quite capable of every wickedness [in bed].
Joseph Conrad
There’s a Satan and sex joke there, that I just can’t get to connect, so someone much funnier and smarter than I can make it below.
As a reminder, Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post.
Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.
Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.
Found a funny
Redshirt
I’m not even properly old yet and I still managed to make my right knee sore somehow, probably from the multitudes of ladder climbing involved with last Friday’s ceiling fan DIY. It’s not bad, I’ve still been horseback riding and walking up hills and such, but still seems like a good idea to ice it with a bag of frozen corn, and despite the bizarreness of having my riding lesson tomorrow rained out, in California, in June, I shouldn’t complain and should take the opportunity to rest it.
Doktor Zymm
“HA. HA. HA. Come to me, little one who is ignoring their age. I will embrace you like I have all of your friends and all those that have come before you.”*
-Tensor, King of The Elastic Bandages
*but only if you kneel before me and make a wincing sound when trying to get back to your feet
scotchnaut
Is this what the alarm clock blares at 04:30 to wake up Spawn of Scotchnaut?
WCS
You Shut UP!*
*also, for the next three weeks I’ll be waking him up at 4:15 on Mondays, Thursdays and Fridays because we’re getting so much busier.
scotchnaut
Gumbygirl
Beats working folks
2Pack
Speaking of golf:
https://www.espn.com/golf/story/_/id/37805785/pga-tour-liv-golf-dp-world-tour-announce-merger
WCS
Said one PGA Tour player reached by ESPN on Tuesday, “No f—ing way.”
BrettFavresColonoscopy
How many players have to register under FARA now?
SonOfSpam
Stole this: The agreement gives the PGA control of holes 1-8 and 12-18 in each tournament. The Saudis get 9-11.
BugEyedBoo
Me: “That’s a pretty good story, neatly tied up and…motherfucker!!
Horatio Cornblower [ in response to the end of the latest balls saga]
Lesser footy has a crime beat watch. Today, it’s another United player, Antony.
The victim, his ex girlfriend, says she was attacked by Antony in four different episodes, and in one of them, she claims to have had the help of two Manchester United doctors.
The victim adds that Antony threatened to kill himself after fights between the couple, and threatened to kill her if he saw her with someone else.
That piece of shit should have spent more time on his weak foot and less time being a shit stain on society.
Wakezilla
“Have you made the ex-girlfriend apologize for her role in this?”
-R. Goodell, Intergalactic Disgrace
LemonJello
Okay, so…I have the date that KSKKommenters started as March 11, 2015. And the day DFO started as June 18, 2015. Where does June 6 come in, as opposed to it also being my wedding annive…OH CRAP! WHERE IS THE NEAREST CHOCOLATE AND ROSES STORE?
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Actually, I think that’s a pretty cool looking coat hook you made there…
I wouldn’t figuratively hang my hat on it, but I would literally hang my hat on it.
BeefReeferLives
My children taught me the true meaning of unconditional love [in bed].
– Yvonne Pierre
Huh. I could have sworn that was a Woody Allen quote.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
I just realized it’s 18 months to the day I went sober, January 7, 2022.
I bequeath my monkey beer shares to whomever wants it first.
WCS [ congrats on the milestone and all that hard work. ]
My best memory of Shriekback-
/at Carleton Uni’s largest bar on “Alternative Thursdays”
Me: [chatting up a young lady, that band’s tune, “Gunning For The Buddha” comes on] “Hey, do you want to dance?”
Her: “Sure!”
Me: [during dancing, shouting into her ear] “Did you know that the title of this song references an ancient philosopher that said, “If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him?”
Her: [quizzical look] “Huh.”
Her: [after the song is over] “I have to go home.”
/Fin
scotchnaut
Her [later, to her friends]: I thought he was gunning for my buddha, but I guess not.
herodotus450
Air quality is a myth, you guys, I aint wearin no mask!!
herodotus450
[climbs into his lifted pickup truck, lays the horn onto a Chevy Volt driver that has done nothing wrong, spits tobacco juice into old McDonald’s french fry box, wonders why his disability cheque from the goddamn government that I hate is three days late]
-Herodotus
scotchnaut
Well sure, I voted to cut Social Security, but I didn’t mean my Social Security.
herodotus450
Pat Robertson passed away. I hope he’s somewhere nice and warm.
BugEyedBoo
Was surfin’ through the interwebs when this caught my eye. Sometimes a picture really is worth a thousand words…
BeefReeferLives
Found a funny:
The Indians on a remote reservation in Oklahoma asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a chief in modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn’t tell what the winter was going to be like.
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared. But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked. “Is the coming winter going to be cold?”
“It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold.” The meteorologist at the weather service responded.
So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.
A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. “Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?”
“Yes.” The man at National Weather Service again replied. “It’s going to be a very cold winter.”
The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.
Two weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Service again. “Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?”
“Absolutely.” The man replied. “It’s looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters we’ve ever seen.”
“How can you be so sure?” The chief asked.
The weatherman replied. “The Indians are collecting a shitload of firewood”
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
BeefReeferLives
These Florida Panthers I call them Hyman Roth because they pissed off the wrong crew from Las Vegas and aren’t gonna make it out of Miami alive.
herodotus450
I don’t understand, I was assured in 2016 that Donald Trump was the candidate who took the security of classified materials seriously!
Dunstan
Surely Hillary will be locked up any day now.
SonOfSpam
My brother is getting married Saturday. I am expected to give a speech. I’m afraid everyone is going to have to be good with short and….not long.
blaxabbath
Send me a few bullet points and I’ll jot something down. I presume Bill Bidwill’s sexuality remains off limits?
BrettFavresColonoscopy
To your benefit and my chagrin, there will be no more releasing of the Kraken for awhile.
In the meantime I can commemorate each of the 6 fantastic home playoff games with this wall decoration.
Here’s to more next year.
Mr. Ayo
/twenty-four hours ago
Yesterday Wife: “Youngest boy wants to buy a 2002 diesel pickup with 375,000km for 9k. It’s such a joke.”
Me: “I totally agree.”
Today Wife: [is travelling with said son to a small community four hours away to check out said vehicle]
/I wish I was exaggerating for effect
scotchnaut
I weighed in right after my walk today and I’m at the lowest weight I’ve been in over 30 years. I’m no longer wearing anything with an “X” in it and my size 36 pants are starting to fall off of me.
I celebrated by ordering shame pizza and boy was it shameful.
Probably going to regret that real soon.
yeah right
Open your mail with a little more confidence today.
The Unabomber is permanently off the grid.
SonOfSpam
Don T
Just got an offer to take out a mortgage in the amount of $360,000 on my house.
I bought this house for $105,000 in 1998. I am beginning to get an inkling of a suspicion as to the basis for the housing crisis.
And for the record, if any of you would like to pay me $360,000 for my house I assure you I will sell it to you. You agree to waive any inspection.
Horatio Cornblower
Does that include the dwarf?
Dunstan
Furnishings are not included.
/goes directly to Hell, does not pass go, does not collect $200.
Horatio Cornblower
I almost wrote “does the dwarf come with it,” but then I wasn’t sure if we were doing phrasing….
Dunstan
Family: “Redshirt! You sure you don’t want to spend the weekend at a street fair two hours away. We have plenty of room at the hotel.”
Me: “Nah, I’m good.”
Family: “But you’ll be all by yourself! Don’t you want a mini-vacation.”
Me: “Yes, that’s why I’m staying.”
Redshirt
ANNOUNCER: Fans throwing water bottles on the ice, players assaulting each other, this is embarrassing.
RTD: No it’s not, this is why people watch hockey.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Just got tool tix.
Day drunkin for the Champs lge.
Lc: lets listen to 10 000 days. (Most underrated Tool albim)
Spotify: Fuck Yeah! Drinkin?
LC: How did you know that?
Spotify:Don’t worry. The Cure! You luke Just like Heaven?
LC: I do! How did you know? I Could do with a J.
Spotify : how about JAH Roots?
LC: Yeah, sweet, wait, how do you?
Spotify: Radiohead
Lc: I will be replaced?
Spotify: Shhhhhhhhh. Have more wine….The Cranberries…
litre_cola
Lil’ WCS and Lil’er WCS gave me their Father’s Day presents today. Lil’ WCS said, “Dad, even though we don’t get to see you a lot, I love you.”
WCS
The great thing about kids you care about graduating high school is that now they’re safe from Matt Gaetz.
Congratulations, YR! [ on youngest grandkid graduating high school]
Horatio Cornblower
Also the Tony Award are on tonight, and DFO-fave Lea Michele will be presenting.
Horatio Cornblower
As a person who is in the NISP*
The shit that Orange faced dick stain did is treason and deserves a good neck stretch.
Piece of fucking filth.
*National Industrial Security Program.
I take this shit EXTREMELY seriously.
yeah right
There really is absolutely zero defense for it. And the idea that this is somehow a “political” prosecution is similarly absurd. Anyone who committed these kinds of crimes should – and would – be prosecuted for it.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.
Stay busy and safe out there.
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