We’re winding down the off-season here people, and Hippo Thoughts are fast moving in to this spot. Last week we finished off our offensive lines by choosing tight ends. This week we just get offensive and pick great asse(t)s of some of our favorite people that would never, ever speak to us in real life.
The rules are simple:
If the answer to the below statement is “yes”
then that person, and their rear end, is eligible to be drafted. This also applies to male asses, as we here at DFO do not wish to exclude our female membership, any LGBTQ membership we may have, or just anyone who feels like saying “You know what? Larry Fitzgerald had a great ass!” if you feel that way, go ahead an pick them.
Ages 18 and up, so just keep it moving, Mr. Gaetz.
I could give Balls the first pick, and I meant to, but then I spent most of today painting the house. Sadly, not a euphemism.
So I’ll make the first pick.
(Heh. “Insert into post.” Heh)
Anyway, Ms. Lopez is justifiably famous for her derriere. With good reason.
The rest of you are on the clock.
Just an absolute tour de force for Balls!*
*also what DeShawn Watson wrote on his Yelp reviews of Houston massage therapists, alledgedly
It was his draft, we were just participants.
I’ll take any ice sculture ass. It’s 80F in my apartment right now and it felt positively refreshing when I walked in. I’ve been out in the heat riding horses and walking up hills and just generally being way too active, so a giant ice butt would really be great right now. This guy seems to also be an ice luge where you drink out of his dick, and I could go for an ice cold beverage right about now, so sure, this ice guy
I’m in a huge electrical storm right now, with big wind gusts and a tornado warning, and I’m sitting in an electric car hooked up to a charging station.
Exploring interesting new ways to die in the 21st century.
This is going to be how electric cars gain sentience and kill us all, isn’t it. We shouldn’t have taught them all those trolley problems
The car got hit by lightning and the battery charge jumped 20% for free. SCORE!!! Take that big EV charging industry!!! My eyebrows burned off though.
Hey, people pay to get their eyebrows waxed so I call that a double score!
He already does it with his asshole, so…
Don’t hate me because I’m well groomed
Oh, I’m not hating. At all.
The donkey from Shrek
https://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/38152113/texans-minority-owner-javier-loya-facing-sexual-assault-charges
Can’t even spin Goodell’s Wheel ‘o Justice for a team that doesn’t exist.
Next pick:
Sol Pérez
Next pick: Emily
Ouch
I’m drafting Sofia Veraga’s niece. She’s the one on the left in the photo Balls posted down below.
Of all the mid-level Canuck actor/comedians, Brent Butt is the greatest.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-agfcSZsjyI&ab_channel=JustForLaughs
Not big but tight. Was shunned by the judge last week for this pick. But her time has cum.
Debbie
Fuckin
Harry
Well yeah, because those weren’t the tight ends we were focused on last week.
This week it’s all good.
So I get confused. What can I say?
Let he among you without derp, slap (hard) the first butt.
You lost me at focused.
Marika Fruscio needs no intro. What she does need, and have, is dat azz to counter weight dem boobs.
I saved her for you.
Same. Just couldn’t do it.
Yeah, she’s 2Pack’s property.
/that didn’t sound quite right
I’ll go with that.
Not the biggest ass, but Pickens is up there
Next pick: Lainey Wilson
Let’s not forget the MVP, pork butt.
Went out for dinner last night and had some of the bestest pulled pork I’ve evar had.
They had brisket and ribs to that were also very good. Oh and brisket lasagna. So fucking good
Ok. Just had to catch my breath before being ready for this jelly.
Next pick: Sofia Vergara
Newly single Sofia Vergara!
Heh, those are solid choices… but since there’s no way in hell I’m posting a pic of my true first choice (wifey).. here’s one outta left field…. Maria Petrashko from sunny Belarus
Welcome back
Look, it had to be done.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-V_dyr6HBFc&ab_channel=FrankMagurany
“You resist it like all the others before you, but its power only grows!”
I’ll take Bettie Page and then just hang out in the pin up era for a while.
Gonna paint that on the front of my P-47!
It’s so weird to me that she ended up becoming a sex-positive evangelical
Stacy Keibler.
Damn you, George Clooney.
Oh, that’s a wonderful pick!
Balls is getting absolutely nothing done today.
Except research for the next pick
“research”
Out of left field: Andrea Henderson. She used to be the traffic reporter on WCMH here in Columbus. Moved on to Denver.
Very nice!
How you gonna keep them down in Columbus now that they’ve seen Denver?
You ain’t wrong.
(Actually, she got a promotion from Traffic Girl to second-string Anchor, if I read it correctly,)
Never gonna miss this pick in a TE Draft!
I mean, he probably never missed leg day.
Did we introduce today’s commissioner?
This one’s for Seamus:
WWE’s Alexa Bliss
Not digging too deep on my work machine, so Shakira.
.
Famous for her hips. We go to the judges and….
IT’S GOOD!! The pick is allowed.
Definitely not by a millimeter.
With the #3 overall pick, I select Amanda Elise Lee
Thank you so much for doing this!
With the #2 overall pick, I select México’s own Yanet García!