Your NFC East Divisional Banger (and Open Thread))

Who will earn the right to lose in the conference finals to the Niners? That’s the question being answered this evening. Two truly horrid fanbases come together (present company excepted of course) to boot!

To The Game!

Eagles/Cowboys:

-This certainly seems like another game where Philly’s pass D gets exposed like a Kissinger on a mortuary table. (bad image, scotchy, Jesus!) CeeDee and even EeeFgee will get into the action. Dallas is the more complete team but the things that the Eagles do well they do very well.

-One thing I like about both teams (within reason) is their ability to put points on the board with splash plays downfield.

-Dallas Goedert is back after being on the Ouch Report for three weeks. Philly’s pass game now has a threat in the middle of the field and that should give Smith and Brown a little more wiggle room.

-If Dallas wins tonight they’ll be on top of the division but if each team wins out Philly takes it based on a better conference record. Weird. I like the latter’s chances more because they have yet to play the Giants so that should be two W’s right there and they have the Cards as well. Dallas has the Bills and Fins coming up after this in consecutive weeks.

-Another flaw that the Philly possesses is that their red zone D is ranked 29th in the league.

-Given the way they’ve run up the score on several teams, I’m a bit surprised that the Cowboys “only” rank fifth in total yards gained.

It’s all yours now.

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Brick Meathook

Have you ever listened to a washing machine and composed techno songs?

Ha ha I’m so old and I hate young people! God bless you.

In further news, I’ll be giving a lecture on WWII piston engines down at the hall.

Please do join, shall you? Oh gracious goodness, thank you terribly.

Brick Meathook

GREATEST. HUMAN. EVER.

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Brick Meathook

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Mr. Ayo

Good to Rocking Dog enjoying himself

Mr. Ayo

Day #10

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Horatio Cornblower

Andy Reid: “I never use this as an excuse, but usually you get a warning when your kid gets fucking hammered on booze and pills and fucking annihilates a 5-year…I mean, before you’re called offside just because your receiver’s foot is literally in front of the football.”

WCS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wzfvHtf4Luo

This is 20 Laps Around Sol.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’ve never seen that film because I have an irrational dislike of Billy Bob Thornton. Perhaps I should change that. Not until I watch Violent Night, though.

Also, Christmas movies need more Riley Dandy, damnit!

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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fleshwound_NPG

wait, the cowboys kicker grew up near plano?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZHkABO0VwCg

Horatio Cornblower

The Pro Bowl should get rid of the flag football game and instead do a thing where fans who think they could gain 5 yards in 5 tries against an NFL defense are randomly chosen to get that chance.

Just total carnage.

2Pack

Would pay top dollar to watch.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Every single play would basically be the ending of the movie Lucas.

WCS

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I don’t want to wake up to a birthday hangover, but I made four burritos, so I should have four margaritas, right?

Horatio Cornblower

It’s just simple math.

Horatio Cornblower

3 overturned calls for Dallas.

Man I wish I lived within range of Philly radio.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Those were supposed to be our overturned calls!” – Pat Mahomes

Horatio Cornblower

He looks like such a prick right now, and I am here for it.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah, I have worked very hard to avoid hating him personally simply because he’s been successful with a franchise I detest and today’s events have made that forever fantastically unnecessary. I can hate him all I like now.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Also, I’m drunk.

Horatio Cornblower

I’m not sure I’m legally drunk, but I certainly wouldn’t try to operate heavy equipment right now.

That said, while I rarely if ever take the side of the NFL I cannot wait for the Ginger Hammer to come down on Reid and Mahomes with some hefty fines.

Bitching about the officiating when they get the call wrong is all well and good, but bitching about the officiating when they got the call right, for once, is quite another.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m hoping that Goodell doesn’t say a goddamned thing, but the next time (and the next forty times after that) Mahomes tries to do his little sideline dance for an extra few yards the defenders are given free reign to take his whining little head off without having to worry about a bullshit flag.

Horatio Cornblower

Goodell apparently hates the Tush Push, so I suspect you’re going to see a whole lot more of these calls going forward.

Brick Meathook

I’ll watch “Killers of the Flower Moon” only if it’s got some good Scorsese Italian gangster violence. That’s why I love his movies, just like I love NASCAR for the wrecks.

Horatio Cornblower

The book is fantastic, although somewhat light on Italians.

Brick Meathook

RAYCESS

Horatio Cornblower

Have a night, Stephon Glimore!

Brick Meathook

Drink cart on Lufthansa, mid-1960s.

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Horatio Cornblower

Reminds me of my last flight, except there’s food and drink, it seems to be on time, and Mrs. Horatio isn’t having to be held back from storming the cockpit.

Brick Meathook

Perhaps you were on ze wrong plane, Herr Cornblower.

Horatio Cornblower

Clearly. I thought we were on the direct flight to JFK, not the one getting diverted to Miami for “a few minutes,” which was actually 1 hour+ and by the way the WiFi’s broken and we’re out of drinks.

Horatio Cornblower

We did, however, stay at the TWA hotel, which is a really cool retro experience and one I highly recommend.

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Brick Meathook

I stayed at the TWA Hotel the night before the grand opening (in 2018?). It was perfect. Eero Saarinen was a genius. I once took an actual TWA first-class “red eye” (overnight LAX to JFK), coming into this head-house when it was still in operation. That was amazing too.

Horatio Cornblower

The hotel is fantastic, but confusing as hell. By the time we figured out how to get to the bar in the refashioned plane outside it was closed.

Of course, our hitting 3 bars in the hotel before aiming for the plane may have had a lot to do with that. Also the heated pool on the roof deck where you can watch planes come in and take off while drinking.

Brick Meathook

The TWA Hotel has vintage dial telephones in every room and in the head house. Plus every drink costs $20.

Horatio Cornblower

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ballsofsteelandfury

I have stayed at the TWA hotel as well. Unfortunately, I was sick as a dog with COVID, but I absolutely loved it

Horatio Cornblower

So I guess Lane Johnson can just hold with impunity.

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Horatio Cornblower

RTD was right: Aubrey at some point is going to hit from 70.

Horatio Cornblower

By far the worst storm of the year, (I’ll be up until 4:00 am fighting basement flooding), and our idiot cat decides that tonight’s the first night in months that he’s gonna spend outside.

My daughter’s Sun rises and sets on that cat, and he is driving me insane right now.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

One time our cat disappeared overnight and only reappeared the next day about ten minutes before we were about to leave for two weeks in South Africa.

Horatio Cornblower

We had a cat, Nutmeg, who was a rescue and basically feral. She disappeared for 4-5 days and we figured that was it. We went back to the animal shelter and got a kitten, (we rescued the Nut when she was 2+), and I shit you not, we pull into the driveway with the new kitten and who’s sitting on the back porch glaring at us? Fucking Nutmeg.

She made it until about 13, the disappeared for good one night, but only after calling me outside to show me the mouse she’d killed. Still miss that hateful little monster.

The kitten is now closing in on 12, and it’s time to put on the foul weather gear and make sure his dumb ass is still in Fort Kickass.

Horatio Cornblower

Have returned from outside. Cat is snoozing in the bottom floor of his multi-story fort, warm and dry in the straw stuffed on the first floor.

The second floor is a kitty carrier filled with blankets, so if it gets really bad he can get up there.

There’s a chance I’m making this too easy for him.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This news warms my black heart.

Horatio Cornblower

If Mahomes didn’t win Most Valuable Bundler do you suppose he’d have cried like a 2-year-old like he did tonight when the referees actually enforced a rule late against his team?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I saw someone comment that he probably thought they had accident forgiveness for those kinds of penalties.

The Maestro

OK, here’s a proposition for you: switch the franchise records of Chicago and Dallas, including rosters, division titles, Super Bowls, awards, etc.

Do each team’s fans now become more or less annoying? If more annoying, by how much?

Horatio Cornblower

Asking me to think about the Bears with 5 Super Bowls is like asking me to describe the physics behind black holes: I cannot even begin to do it.

WCS

Dallas. They STILL think it’s 1995, so imagine if they had to back a decade further. And then WE’S AN ALL-TIME FRANCHISE DURRR

fleshwound_NPG

chicago sports would almost reach 2002-2019 masshole status, but not quite (cubs still lagging behind bawstahn)

dallas will still have jerrah and still have more dumb rednecks than most fanbases

The Maestro

JJ probably croaks in like 2006 after snorting coke off a stripper’s asshole for the 12th time that day.

Horatio Cornblower

Ah yes, the ol’ running play on 2nd and 10 after the pass on 1st down is incomplete. An NFL standard.

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Redshirt

They may be a good Cowboys team, but they are still the Cowboys.

WCS

BANNER

WCS

IT BEGINS

..it doesn’t actually begin, but it’d be funny

The Maestro

Evening, folks. I spent all day marking and wedding planning and now I want both things to no longer exist. I am only just now finally tuning into football.

This is my controversial take: I think this is the most likeable** N-GCp team since the year when Bledsoe died out there and Romo took over.

**Likeability does not imply talent, as evidenced by that fumble-pick-six,

fleshwound_NPG

well, theyre likeable now compared to next years team (mccarthy fired, jerrah hires belichick)

WCS

DEATH STAR ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED

Horatio Cornblower

Dak is the face of the franchise and seems like a genuinely good guy.

You just have to kind of ignore the owner.

Horatio Cornblower

Well that’s less than ideal.

Horatio Cornblower

I absolutely would have let Aubrey try an 80-yard FG there.

Horatio Cornblower

I’m two beers in, it’s 10:13 pm, and these assholes are showing brisket hot off the smoker.

I am about to make some truly horrible dietary decisions.

WCS

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Horatio Cornblower

I had pancakes and sausage for dinner!

Breakfast for dinner fucking rules.

Brick Meathook

Nice pad, Jackie. Completely unspoiled.