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scotchnaut

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It’s been a delightful day in the Scotchverse-youngest went out to kill more partridges, wife had a good mid-day snooze and I saw Sillycuse get to double digit wins in December for the first time in quite a while. More alarming is the fact that there are two open areas of water on our lake at this time of year. This is insane but my brain should have connected the dots given the fact I went for a swim on the last day of September.

To The Game!

Lions/Cowboys:

-Coach and potential jaw cancer victim Dan Campbell (he loves the chaw) gets all the credit for turning this moribund franchise completely around in three years. The scarred kneecaps? Medial collateral ligament damage.

-You’d think it would be Dallas (#5) but it’s actually Detroit (#3) that has the better overall offense. (total yards gained)

-Beware relatively new Lions safety [squints at bio] Ifeatu Melifonwu. Against the Vikes in just his third start he had a pick, two sacks, five tackles and two pass breakups.

-CeeDee only needs three catches to knock Mikey Irvin off the leaderboard for most catches in a season. Irvin still holds the record for most lines of coke snorted off the thigh of a comatose hooker in a one star motel. (not gonna lie, that’s an awfully specific stat)

-The Plugger and The Darter: Montgomery and Gibbs sound like a pair of Confederate generals that scurried back to their plantations as soon as things went south. (HA!) But they’re actually the one-two punch responsible for the third-best rushing attack in the league. Given that Dallas gave up 266 yards on the ground a few weeks ago to Buffalo, well, this is the path to victory.

-Detroit lost 24-6 to the Cowboys last year-since then they’ve gone 19-7.

-Even if Dallas extends its home winning streak they still need Philly to lose to the Giants next week. Good luck with that.

See you in the comments.

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Doktor Zymm

This whole thing could have been easily avoided if the NFL took a flying leap into 2010 and allowed coaches/players to report who is eligible IN WRITING on those MS Surfaces they shill. It would go directly to the refs and the defense and would remove some cognitive burden from the refs while ensuring this sort of fuckup never ever happens.

But nah, that would be too damn easy.

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Brick Meathook

The players could have QR codes on their uniforms and the refs could scan them with their phones.

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Brick Meathook

I think we can all agree:

The LSAT is a good indicator of a person’s ability to seat people at a dinner table.

3
litre_cola

Just got home from work. Seems I have some watching a game to do.

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ballsofsteelandfury

Watch the last four minutes. That will be enough.

Last edited 2 years ago by ballsofsteelandfury
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litre_cola

Mrs. Cola texted me that it was crazy but I never dreamed of this style of crazy.

2
WCS

The 30 For 30 on the bribery on this game is going to be THE TITS.

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Horatio Cornblower

We’ll all be dead before that information floats to the surface.

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Doktor Zymm

I’m hoping that when Ol’ Double J kicks the bucket they find a giant cache of VHS tapes labeled “blackmail” just laying around his office

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King Hippo

Based on how the game went, I suspect Dak hits Lamb for a 30-yarder down the seam and they kick a FG to win anyway. I misread the screen and thought BlueBunny burned his last timeout on one of the conversion attempts. He still had one left (that he burned before the onside kick).

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Doktor Zymm

That would have been a way more fun game to watch though

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Horatio Cornblower

No chance. Three panicky Pete bombs that fall woefully incomplete and then time runs out. Dallas is desperation time with that little time left is a three-ring circus that is also on fire.

1
Doktor Zymm

Oh, and to make this EVEN MOAR FUN, it turns out the ref in question has already blown a bunch of calls this season and with a pretty strong bias against road teams.
From BEFORE the game:
Dallas Cowboys vs Lions referee report: Zebras might help the home team – Blogging The Boys

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Horatio Cornblower

So the pool report came out, and it’s pretty clear that Brad Allen is lying his ass off. Decker has said he reported, Skipper said he didn’t. Allen says that opposite but, when asked what he was talking about with the two lineman just before Skipper jogs over Allen claimed that was the conversation where Skipper reported. But Skipper isn’t in that conversation. The follow-up question should have been “No, I asked you what you were talking about with the two lineman before Skipper came over, not what happened as Skipper jogged towards you. I will repeat my question very slowly so that this time it might register with you: before Skipper appears you are on video very clearly having a conversation with two linemen, one of whom is Decker. What was that conversation about?”

Instead the reporter, who clearly bombed the LSAT, (that’s a callback, kids), asked some irrelevant question about why there were two flags.

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Horatio Cornblower

Scott Van Pelt is calling this out as complete bullshit. I’m beginning to think the NFL may have to actually address this. It’s just such a clear fuck up, and it clearly affected not only a game but the entire play-off picture.

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Doktor Zymm

There’s no good way to address it though, so I still think they’re gonna brazen through like nothing happened. No matter what you decide it has playoff implications and every outcome is arguably unfair. No way to unscrew the pooch.

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Horatio Cornblower

I don’t expect them to overturn the game, although they probably should. But some sort of mealy-mouthed apology, “we’re only human, we’ll learn from this and get better” crap, and Brad Allen’s crew never sees a game of any importance ever again.

Which admittedly isn’t much.

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Doktor Zymm

Not much, but I’m willing to bet it still doesn’t happen. I will send you a bottle of Malort should such an apology happen.

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Horatio Cornblower

I mean, I’m not really expecting it to happen, so don’t feel obligated to send me any Malort.

Please, for the love of God, do not send me any Malort.

5
litre_cola

Malort and Skyline Chili with a Big Turk for dessert. That’s livin right there.

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Doktor Zymm

Ugh. This is so incredibly shitty.

2
Brocky

So, I turned off the game to watch a movie, just now catching up on this shit show

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WCS

IThis is an Always Sunny skit that unfolded in real-time on live television.

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Horatio Cornblower

I will bet what happened is that the ref heard 68 say he was reporting, and that as he broke away to tell Dallas’s defense that the last number he saw was 70 and he had a brain fart.

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ballsofsteelandfury

What makes this even more fun is that 70 wasn’t lined up in an eligible position. There is no way he could have been eligible or would have told anyone he was eligible.

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Horatio Cornblower

Yeah, this increasingly looks like a monster fuck up by the officials.

3
Brocky

Lions getting fucked over by the refs…

Dallas getting calls they don’t deserve….

The nfl refusing to admit fault….

The more things change….

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Horatio Cornblower

The thing is Dallas routinely gets screwed these days, and the fact that it really picked up after Jones tried and failed to get Goodell either fired or his pay reduced is mere coincidence.

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Doktor Zymm

If the ref can’t tell the difference between 68 and 70 I wonder what happened when his partner proposed they try 69

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King Hippo

I mean, you average them and niiiiiiicccccce!

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Doktor Zymm

Unfortunately, the only real consequence of all this is likely to be me telling Cowboy fans that they failed to report as an eligible complainer every time they bitch about a call for the next 20 years

4
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Had a few drinks with friends with the game on in the background, think it was time well spent

2
WCS

comment image

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Horatio Cornblower

Goff just called the officials out. Good for him. 68 reported, 70 did not. “Don’t know if I’ll get fined for this…”

Oh shit, he also used the phrase “the fix is in,” which, even though he said that wasn’t the case, cannot make a league increasingly relying on gambling any too happy.

Meanwhile, in Herr Goddell’s office…

comment image

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King Hippo

Refs need to be 100% exclusive, full-time employees. Unless the League “farms” them out to USFL, etc to gain experience.

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Doktor Zymm

I wonder how much he’ll get fined for that?

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Horatio Cornblower

That’s interesting. Mahomes and Reid got fined $150K, but the refs were right about that call. Goff was also pretty understated and not whining. Gonna guess $25K or less, with a decent chance that there’s no fine while the NFL kicks the whole thing under the carpet and Janay Rice apologizes for her role in the missed call.

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yeah right

Dan Campbell everyone with the rarely attempted double brass balls.
Let’s see how this works out.

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hippofant

Great. It’ll work out great.

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hippofant

On Twitter trying to see what’s what with the post-game stuff, and apparently half of fucking football fans don’t understand the formation rules. Total fucking idiots saying literally the opposite thing about eligible receivers on the line and then smugly telling others to read the fucking rulebook:

https://twitter.com/ChrisJNFL/status/1741315424095019137

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hippofant

The dude put NFL in his fucking handle! HOW CAN YOU LOVE THE NFL SO MUCH AND KNOW SO LITTLE ABOUT IT? (that’s what she said)

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Horatio Cornblower

Forget it, Hippofant; it’s Twittertown.

1
Doktor Zymm

Apparently the officials told Campbell that only one player is allowed to report? Which isn’t mentioned in the official rules anywhere (yes, I did just check) although it doesn’t really matter because whether someone reports or not is non-reviewable

1
Doktor Zymm

Kinda sounds like they made up something after the fact to ascribe their incompetence to a completely different type of incompetence

1
Horatio Cornblower

According to ESPN’s rules guys two guys can report as eligible, so if that’s the explanation the NFL offers they’re full of even more shit than usual.

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ballsofsteelandfury

So first comes first served?

That seems an odd way to decide things…

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King Hippo

Now THAT would fucking piss me off. Your job is to know the rule book, especially weird shit like that.

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Horatio Cornblower

Scott Van Pelt: Mike McCarthy makes a convenient target.

Well yes, Scott, because he’s sucked out loud and made the same mistakes for years now.

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King Hippo

(also he’s like 500 pounds and hasn’t seen his dick this century)

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Horatio Cornblower

At last ESPN is giving McCarthy a rash of shit for his inability to manage a clock

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King Hippo

when freaking ESPN can do the maths, you fucked up bad

0
WCS

“So, coach Campbell, who you killing first?”

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Horatio Cornblower

Can’t tell if Campbell is pissed at the officials for getting it wrong or his team for having the wrong guy report.

3
Horatio Cornblower

Sounds like the official missed 68 reporting because 70 was coming towards him yelling that he was eligible, and that somehow it’s 68’s fault even though he was standing right in front of the official.

1
King Hippo

could be both then, because 68 absolutely needed to make sure he got an acknowledgment

1
Horatio Cornblower

How is he supposed to know that, though?

1
King Hippo

You’d think they nod or something? You’ve met me, you know I have never been in a “needs to report as eligible” situation personally!

1
Horatio Cornblower

It sounds like 68 and 70 were reporting as eligible, but the ref was looking at 70. So if 68 is standing 2′ from the ref and hears “I got you,” or something like that, how is he supposed to know that the ref was talking to 70, and only to 70?

Basically, ACAB includes referees.

1
hippofant

Videos seem to show the ref pointing at both 70 and 68. I bet it’s something like Decker’s trying to report in, but ref is looking at 70 coming onto the field, and so points to 70 to acknowledge him reporting in (even though he isn’t) and then points at Decker and says, I heard you (but got it horribly wrong).

2
hippofant

Supposedly 70 didn’t say anything. He was very adamant that he didn’t fucking say anything.

Think the ref is hearing 68 but looking at 70 and his brain just gets crossed up.

3
Horatio Cornblower

That increasingly sounds like exactly what happened. If that’s the case the refs should come out and say that.

If I hold my breath waiting for that to happen I will closely resemble Capt. Bluebunny’s favorite bedtime* snack.

*really any time.

2
Doktor Zymm

They won’t though, because as you pointed out earlier, that would be a major cockup and there is no way they would admit to that

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Horatio Cornblower

Especially with what that would do to the gamblers.

1
Downfield Matriculator

Just logged in to say I could give a shit about the Lions, but #68 walked over to the ref with #70 and even Troy Aikman and Joe Buck could not think of another reason that would happen except to report in. F’in terrible!

5
Doktor Zymm

I will not be particularly surprised if it turns out to be a cockup of massive proportions (certainly less surprised than Deanna Farve would be). The fallout would be insane if it turns out he did report, even moreso than Touchdown Seahawks what with the playoff implications, so kinda hope it turns out that way just to watch the world burn

2
Horatio Cornblower

They* will never, ever, ever, ever, ever admit that 68 reported and that the official just didn’t hear him because he wasn’t paying enough attention.

*The NFL and their incompetent officials.

2
Doktor Zymm

Oh they won’t admit it, but if there’s incontrovertible video evidence it’ll still be pretty explosive

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Horatio Cornblower

The video evidence is already pretty bad for them. Curious if the refs have audio, and if so how fast the NFL offices can “accidentally” destroy it.

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ballsofsteelandfury

This is why we watch the Cowboys!

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Horatio Cornblower

Much like the Spanish Inquisition, Taco Bell going for the punk rock demographic isn’t something I expected.

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ballsofsteelandfury

If you think about it, Taco Bell is the most punk rock food there is.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I would say Taco Bell is more rock than food.

1
WCS

Definitely has more heavy metals.

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Doktor Zymm

Only if you’ve never seen Rock and Roll High School
19a9a58d3a61e58b7eabb9bea4603d7a.jpg (300×194) (pinimg.com)

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King Hippo

I mean, it’s pretty punk to brag to your friends you can digest ground rat meat

2
ballsofsteelandfury

I’ve eaten snake, deer (venison), rabbit, alligator, and others that are probably not considered as “exotic”.

Rat meat is nothing.

Last edited 2 years ago by ballsofsteelandfury
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King Hippo

Deer meat is the absolute tits. Plus, they breed like rats so it’s the most sustainable meat product possible.

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Doktor Zymm

They are also the deadliest animal in the US because car accidents

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King Hippo

TRUE (I’ve hit one before, and it was scary as fuck). Deer hunters are great public servants.

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Horatio Cornblower

It’s called ‘venison’, sir; how does your North Cakalaky ass not know that?

3
King Hippo

oh, I do know that. I was just being descriptive/lazy

0
WCS

(He’s higher than a flag on the Fourth of July)

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King Hippo

these coloUrs don’t run!!!1111

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