Hello there fellow DFO’er.  Hope you’re well today.  And thanks for coming back to see last weeks comments of the week as decided by my brain.  There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.

This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:
There is no footprint too small to leave an imprint on this world [in bed].
Unknown

Rex Ryan has entered the chat.

As a reminder, Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post.

Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.

Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.

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Holy fucking shit, the sky is clear and we’re halfway to totality. This shit is going to happen!
yeah right

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I’ll take Alanis Morisette as karaoke partner/skeeball coach/deity
BrettFavresColonoscopy

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almost time for the state of indiana to do what they do best:

disappoint a LOT of people
fleshwound_NPG

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I live outside of Toronto and my grass still dies every summer under the 26 hours of sun we also get. While I could water the fuck out of it, I’m way too lazy to do that and way too cheap. If I don’t water the grass, it doesn’t grow and thus I don’t need to cut it as often.
/lazy for the win
//nice hole blax
Game Time Decision

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Howdy folks, been laying on the floor for about three weeks – thanks to the fucking back problem that hasn’t plagued me for a decade.

I’m still an asshole, just ask my family. There’s also been a dearth of liquor in my diet due to the goddamn medicine.

Friday I get an epidural. Let me tell you, I’ve had one before and I would rather be forced to live in Andy Reid’s fat folds then get another one.

Hope you fuckers are all well.
jjfozz

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Found a funny:

OASIS: today is gonna be the day that they’re gonna throw it back to you

EVERY DOG: [going fucking nuts]
rockingdog

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The Salt Lake City group trying to bring an NHL team to town is soliciting suggestions for team names. They really nailed it with the Utah Jazz, so …?
Dunstan

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The OJ has gone bad

The juice is no longer on the loose
Brocky

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Whole Foods gets some hella good deals, see the single-barrel barrel-strength apparently not actually a distillery exclusive bottle of Four Roses I got there a couple weeks ago.

I absolutely DO NOT trust the IRS to tell me the correct number if that’s how we did it, so I would have to do the same amount of work checking them as I’m doing now. They have tried to scam me for money I didn’t owe multiple times over the years, and I’m sure the bullying tone they use in their letters has scared a lot of people into over paying. I’m pretty sure the so-called ‘tax gap’ is about a quarter of the size they say it is because they’re counting all these bullshit demands in there.

At least nowadays they are required to send you a letter saying that they’re totally wrong and you don’t actually owe them a thing after you refute their cash grabs. Back when they were like ‘are you sure you actually sent us this quarterly payment’ and I sent them back a copy of the canceled check that they cashed 11 months ago, I just never heard from them again and had to assume it was resolved.

Oh, and guess what? If they fuck up and issue you a refund that you didn’t request because they credited a quarterly or something else wrong, even if you don’t touch the check and spend hours on the phone to get it cleared up ASAP they still charge you penalties and interest.

Fuck the IRS with a rusty pitchfork.
Doktor Zymm

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Really pissed that Norm Macdonald didn’t outlive OJ.
Dunstan

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FUCK OJ. FUCK TAXES. FUCK OHIO. (Sorry Redshirt, you’re my favorite) I have to go get my taxes done today, in Redlands, so I’ll be driving home trying not to get slaughtered by all of the Coachella tweakers on Interstate 10. FUCK COACHELLA!
Gumbygirl

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Found a funny:

COWORKER RECENTLY OUT OF THE HOSPITAL: i blew a tire on a mountain road and crashed thru the guardrail, rolling end over end down a cliff into a creek. i was trapped for hours upside-down & near death until a man walking his dog found me and called 911
ME: what kind of dog was it
rockingdog

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Hooray, your niece!
SonOfSpam

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I’m like, WFH today — which never happens.

My wife just started vacuuming.
blaxabbath

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Last funny:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and a dog that does karate
rockingdog

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Q: Why are there fast food wrappers blowing across my lawn and swirling into the night>
A: Because that fucking cur got into the trash AGAIN.

I want to kill her, make a nice rug, but I love her too mcuh. That fuckign dog growled at ME when I was correcting HER.

Jesus take hte fucking wheel and erive me into an embankment full of napalm and barbbed wire
jjfozz

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So am I the only one who remembers that the girls with the most overprotective fathers were the biggest sluts?
Dunstan

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One afternoon I was drinking with some friends when Mrs. Horatio called to tell me that daughter Horatio was being picked up by a boy and perhaps I could get my ass home.

So I stopped drinking and prepared to head out, but I did get his name and where he worked, and mentioned it to the assembled drinkers. One of them knew his boss. A call is made. Research conducted. Boss says he’s a good, hard-working kid. I went home with four friends and met the poor kid. We were all very nice, if quite loud and much larger than him. They leave.

The guy that knows the boSs calls him back and starts yelling “WHEN I ASK IF A KID IS GOOD ENOUGH FOR MY FRIEND’S DAUGHTER AND YOU DON’T TELL ME HE HAS EAR GAUGES IT MAKES ME WONDER IF YOU KNOW WHAT YOU’RE FUCKING TALKING ABOUT!!”

Anyway, that relationship didn’t last, and it had nothing to do with ear gauges.
Horatio Cornblower

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Super Niece Update:

She pushed too hard and wiped out on her first run today, crashing into one of the speakers that are set up on the hill. She’s got a bloody lip, a sprained ankle and a bruised shoulder/hip. She’s hoping to be able to compete tomorrow. Fingers crossed.
scotchnaut

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Niece Update: She can’t get her swollen ankle into her ski boot so her weekend is done. Poop.
scotchnaut

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Niece Update:

The Team Ontario ski team has extended an invitation to her to train in Chile in August. She’s still on the radar apparently.
scotchnaut

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Finally finished installing that ceiling fan, and also installed a paper towel holder in the kitchen for good measure. Time to slack off for the rest of the day!
Doktor Zymm

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Someone remind me when I am less “intoxicated” that I want to change my avatar to Towlie”. And that is is probably a bad idea.
ArmedandHammered [here’s your reminder]

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I would call a 5-1 involving Lutes a dominant victory for City of Men.

/Wait for it…
Senor Weaselo

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So the wife is away for this weekend, so I am going to take this time to train for next Saturday 4/20. So after I visit the grocery store, I will be working on becoming as incoherent as possible while still being awake.
ArmedandHammered

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I was going to
But distraction came to me
What was I saying?
Doktor Zymm

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So when do I admit to you all that I’m at Augusta?

I guess it’s now.
BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.

Stay busy and safe out there.

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