Welcome to Murrika’s favoUrite holiday, where we celebrate Native American slaughter by eating more than a third world family does in a year, getting blackout drunk, and falling asleep watching good old American FITBAW! Scotchy continues to be annoyed by non-sportsball matters, so I am stepping in. Don’t worry, I am tired of reading my gibberish too.
Bearistocrats! (+9.5) at LioUns (12:30, CBS)
I recall Erik Kramer winning the Madden turkey leg in this one, but can’t recall which of these two teams he was quartered backing at the time. Memory is like that, sometimes. Chi**** is in its most familiar modus operandi (ie, freefall), while Detroit is fucking teams up like 1970s era Nebraska. Does everyone start fringe fantasy players in these games, then instantly regret it? OK, just me. Yet again.
Sommet tells me that Caleb will relish this spotlight, and his charges will make things interesting. I’d even say a cover is more likely than not. Especially if I’m only risking YOUR moneys.
Nothing makes one feel more festive than putting “slutty Chi**** Bears fans” into one’s Google window. At least it’s not my work computer this time.
Name five dumber ways to lose a game. You can’t!
marching band coming on field too early and allowing the other team to score
Does the Bengals 2016 Wild Card Loss Ending count or does it have to be one act?
That may not even be the dumbest way they’ll lose a game this season. There’s still time for worse!
Am I going to be annoyed about Williams’s line? Yeah, probably when I lose by 4 points.
I expect to bust a gut on Thanksgiving, but I didn’t expect it to be from laughter.
Oh! Poor clock management! I didn’t even think of that but it’s perfect!
The game ended with the Bears a) in field goal range b) with a remaining down to play and c) with a time out remaining. With a national audience watching.
THIS IS TRULY PEAK BEARISTOCRATS! THESE GUYS ARE GONNA CHANGE THE WAY WE THINK ABOUT BEARENSCHEISSENING!
That’s gonna be tough to survive for Coach E.
Just fucking dismal.
Good
oh my god the fuckin’ bears
THE BEARISTROCRATS!!!
Fist-fucking the dog. In the ASSHOLE. AGAIN!!!
3rd and 26?
NFL BLITZ!!!
Oh Bears, you Bear-ed again.
Shocking, a terrible play call
Red zone interception, FG mishap, or Lions TD on the first play of OT?
Based on that last PI call, for some reason it seems the Shield wants Chicago to win. And then that happens.
Did not count on the Bears Bearing so Beartastically.
You should know better than that by now. They always seem to outdo themselves.
Ooh, sorry. The answer was clock mismanagement. Better luck next time.
I was so focused on bad luck assisted by poor discipline that I totally forgot about gross incompetence!
No matter what happens here, I’m prepared to blame Eberflus
Well you definitely can now
CALL THE FUCKING TIMEOUT
Well, you were so correct.
Bet you weren’t prepared for that!
I was
ShieldAssist works on holidays too!
I was worried that the Bears wouldn’t be able to make this close enough to lose in appropriately heatbreaking fashion, but I should have believed!
So many PI’s.
This should be called the casualty bowl.
Injury Bowl!
We gon’ Extra Time up in this muthafucka?
Was he drinking a health potion?
Calling out BLEERGH’s mistakes? That’s a penalty!
Pick 6 coming?
Perfect lyric – the price you pay is to remain alive…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Zkkdj4OXCY
The Bears twigged to Branch being vulnerable in the pass game.
Are these fanduel commercials where some guy really wants to bet on the Browns for real? Seems more like an anti-gamblor PSA