Instant Hippo Thoughts – Week 14, 2025 Season

On this last weekemd of byes, you have to truly appreciate the depth and breadth of Bring out yer DED!! across The Shield’s domain.  God bless our violent, national obsession.

That said, the Ratbirds suck and have no idea how time works (they also kinda got screwed, but they get no excuses), losers 27-22 at home to Q-aron.  Eat a diseased rhinocerous dick, everyone involved in this atrocity of a footballing event.

Maybe Redshirt really DOES need to stop masturbating?  Less than 24 hours after Indiana breaks their 30-game losing streak to THEEEEEE, WKRP’s season went up in snow-drenched ashes.  Two consecutive plays, two pickerceptions by the otherwise MVP-calibre Joe Burrow.  What had been a 28-18 lead (with 8-ish minutes to play) became a 39-28 deficit.  Life comes at you fast.  Somehow, they managed a mad dash TD before the 2-minute warning, and only needed to get off the pitch on 3rd and 15 to have one last, desperate chance.  And Brokeback scrambled for 17, because of course he did.  2025’s actual MVP beats Inches-Away-from-MVP, 39-34.  Beautiful teevee for the neutral, though.

Closing out the shit-ass AFC North, we got the delightful latest episode of #ThePauls hilarity.  They took a 17-14 lead, only to self-destruct (Shedeur doing Shedeur things), digging a 31-17 hole before rallying for two late TDs.  Both 2-point attempts were some Keystone Kops shit, though.  Cam Ward ran the clock out for a 31-29 win, getting them Tits up to 2-11.  Tony Pollard is your “the fuck did THAT come from??” fantasy hero of the week, a buck-61 (career best) and two scores.

Also surprisingly watchable?  MRSA Men and Saints, in a Florida downpour.  Even MOAR surprising?  N’Awlins getting its SECOND divisional road scalp of a leading contender.  They’ve won in Charlotte and in Tampa now (and once at home), despite languishing at 3-10 overall.  I’m not sure this Shough guy is any good, but he’s tough as balls, and at least up for the challenge.  Better than nothing.  Third string rookie RB Devin Neal looked pretty damn legit, too.  But perhaps he’s just a mudder?  Bucs drop to 7-6, ever more into the cromulence zone.

Beyond that?  Mostly savage beatings.  None savage-r than SKOL’s hosting of the Commies.  QB Jayden Daniels died again (falling on his barely-attached left elbow, trying to run down his own pickerceptor), and Minnesota harrassed Mariota badly, too.  Old man Ertz also (likely) popped his ACL, which should wrap up his fine career.  We get a clean sheet, and even some green shoots of competence from JJ McCarthy, in a 31-nil laugher.  Five Year Plan set back, Comrades.

You know the old adage about trying to play on a knock, how your biomechanics change and maybe you hurt sommet else?  Well, old pal Dimebag went and popped his Achilles on his OTHER/right leg (non-contact), to go along with his already broken left leg.  Allow me the HAWT TAEK of it’s pretty durn hard to quartered back on zero legs.  It was all coming up Prison Girlfriend, playing with renewed confidence (really likes Jakobi Meyers) and favourable field position.  Fat Humps were down to Riley Leonard, who played as expected.  That depth chart won’t improve until 2026, so that’s all she wrote for Indy.  Jaguras 36-19, and DUUUUUUVAL will have playoffs this January.

MOAR DED!  Tyrod Taylor also bit the dust, with the visiting LOLfins already up THREE touchdowns in Q1.  Oy.  Good thing they ran a kick back for 7, or things would have been even fuglier.  34-10 loss at home (with undrafted rookie Brady Cook) is bad enough, though.  Miami managed this result mostly without 8-chan, swallowed by the Blue Tent of Death early.  Faux respectability awaits at 6-7, but there is no hope for either of these sad sacks.

Believe it or not, SeaTruthers/Sherman’s Ashes was tied at 6 at the half.  Then, they kicked off to open the 2nd stanza.  SEA ran it all the way back for 6, Touch of Downs decided to pay attention for a bit, and they won the back nine by a 31-3 score.  Yes, that adds up to a 37-9 laugher, as Raheem “Thousand Yard Stare: Morris waits for the inevitable (at this point, almost merciful) sacking.

Only three in the late window, which sucks except it was easier to watch Donks (WOO!!!!!) at Raiders, full.  Organizational incompetence that warms my cold, black heart.  Also, one can add Geno Smith to the rolls of the ded.  Uncle Jack got a chance to play, which I guess must be nice for his family?  Donks on cruise control, easy 24-17 victors.  Stupid Riley Moss garbage time, shoulda been 24-7.

Slobberknocker in 16 degree Wisconsin?  Don’t mind if I do!  Shirtless Ben Johnson and his bonkers (bordering on fluky) 9-game winning streak come to town, with real stakes in play.  Caleb was…not quite ready to meet the moment.  He flashed, especially in terms of being elusive within the pocket, and buying time.  But he struggles with making plays with deep and intermediate throws, especially without a scramble element.  Anyway, Da Bears still clawed back from 14-3 and 21-11 deficits, neither of which I expected.  They also had the right idea on the last drive (bleed the entire clock, and try to win with an octopus), but a failed 3rd and 1 run and a bad 4th and 1 pickerception shut the door.  28-21, Packers.

WIth those two leading the way, RRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!/Qards was kind of an afterthought.  But fuck me sideways, I love watching Wolven Sort alumnus Jacoby Brissett cook.  NAWT his day today, to put it mildly.  And you have to admire how the OKC bomber is continuously morphing his offense, now featuring a two-headed monster running attack with Ryu-Ken and Blake Corum.  Even accounting for their turd down Cakalaky way, this is a legitimately good FITBAW squadron.  The Gospel According to Fatthew didn’t even have to sweat this week.  But he did.  Because he’s so goddamned fat!  Anyway, it mercifully ended 45-17, I quit paying attention like mid-Q3.

SNF is 500s at Chefs.  NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE