Foiling the Anger Foist, Offseason Sunday Etc. Etc.

Muy buenas noches, mi biutiful gente. [Reads room.] Okei. Reset.

‘Sup. I’m sure everyone here has received the following jabs: “Don’t get defensive”, “There’s no need for anger”, and “Please put down that paperweight”. We can all agree that each one is lame provocation, maybe into knocking out a cubicle partition, or clarify “No, YOUR defensive”, or reply stone-faced “I. Am. Not. Angry you fokin welebicho”. If these were your responses, welcome to Manipulated Island, population: you.

Throughout millennia, philosophers* have advised: “Never make a decision angry, hungry or horny”.

* TikTokers, for millenials and yutes.

Hungry is yeah right’s turf [fist bump], and I’m afraid horny decisions are more suited for a multi-tome farrago featuring loneliness and debauchery. For an early May open thread, let’s select anger.

Anger is loss of control and therefore a quick “in” to the garden-variety manipulator. Baiting folks into violence has been the Ol’ Reliable for police corps everywhere when dealing with protesters or social action groups. And

🚨🚧OBVIOUS CRAP ALERT 🚧🚨

In a disagreement, the easiest climb to the higher ground is having your opponent get upset and all worked up—and therefore ostensibleeEee immune to logic and common sense. So some folks, in a disagreement, might foist anger upon you, whether through cliché bullshit (“Don’t be defensive”), or through incredibly fucked-up, distilled bullshit (“Trump Derangement Syndrome”). Because, yeah: it is certainly pathological to feel indignation toward an amoral, corrupt, egomaniacal, imperialist, incompetent, lawless, liar, nepotist, pedophile, racist, rapist, senile, unhinged, and vengeful President of the U.S.A. who recently threatened to wipe out a civilization.

I’m fine with the problem being me, yeah, I do need professional help–ANYWAY,

I’m here to offer a solution to anger foisting. First, identify the ragebait. Let’s say you are in a disagreeable conversation and it’s still in its initial seconds, before any yelling, name calling, or passive-aggressive swipes at your fashion sense (“A striped, wool scarf might suit you”, Like Where’s Waldo? In the tropics? WTF!1!1). Here is a key: If suddenly it is suggested that you may be angry (“You look upset…”), or that you will get angry after hearing something—which, let’s admit it. CRAP LIKE THAT is objectively infuriating because it is a reaction to a false accusation of being angry. Which gets me angry so you are technically right but, actually. You know what? How dumb do you think I am? etc. etc. That rant must be kept leashed, a purely interior monologue, no matter how righteous or its several clever putdowns.

So the ragebait was identified instead of chomped on, now comes the easy part: have emotional stability. I know, I know. I’ve said before that emotional stability is not a personal goal. In retrospect, hrm, yeah…

Having said that: dealing with manipulation requires keeping some of your bearings. It could get heated. I have seen plenty of folks losing their dignity for the sake of winning an argument. I salute their self-regard, but it’s not my jam. Dignity is lost in public and everyone now has a damn cellphone. On the other hand, you can win every argument in your own mind.

Just leaving some space for you to process the truth bomb, is all. There will be more later, but first

NFL NEWS

-Remember last December when DK Metcalf was suspended two games for getting into it with a Lions fan in Detroit? Well, I did, but did not recall the incident being THIS in-your-face:

Anyway, the Wayne County (Michigan) Prosecutor’s Office declined to press charges against Metcalf. The link also mentions an ongoing civil suit filed by the fan and self-congratulation by Metcalf’s attorney. On a personal note, it’s gratifying when a story’s unnamed source is evident.

-espen reports that the Ravens signed ageless DL Calais Campbell. No link, McCafé on landing page. This would be Campbell’s 19^th season.

-Giants WR Darius Slayton has core muscle surgery “recently and is expected to be sidelined throughout the Giants’ offseason program this spring”. Meanwhile, the night wind of Northern Ontario carries faint cries of Succor! I demand skill-player health!

-From glancing at the House Organ and espen, I can confidently say we’re into week 2 of mock ’27 NFL drafts. I say unto you, my kingdom is not of this world.

SPROTS TO MIGHT

Top-flight drama this evening. All times Central.

Stanley Cup Playoffs Game 7

Montréal @ Tampa Bay – (in progress)

MinnesoUta @ Colorado – 8:00 PM

Travelin’ 3s Game 7

Raptors @ Cavs – 6:30

BONUS NBA COVERAGE

Buh bye Celts 😝

LOOKING FORWARD TO

Shempiens semis, 2^nd leg this week: Arsenal hosts Atleti on Tuesday (1-1 aggr.), and Bayern Munich hosts PSG (4-5 aggr. omfg what a game that was. Even the lunch place Madre and I go to on weekends was showing a replay yesterday).

Deffo will punch outta work early on WED. Tuesday too, most likely. Here’s my fave hype video for ARS – ATM

Se nota que el martes hay partido pic.twitter.com/8evDyL79co https://t.co/QvxWhadaca

— Tage (@Tagelca) May 1, 2026

FINALLY,

We have all been motorists, so emotional stability always is a pipedream. It is downright impossible to turn the other cheek to aggressive, distracted, indecisive, or worse motorists. But you don’t need a positive attitude to drive inconsequentially. All you gotta do is: drive with the purpose of not hitting anything, or avoid being hit. Yes, fuck that goddamn dickhead who stole the parking space I was waiting to get into (even put the signal light ffs), but let’s… Let’s let it slide because that gun club bumper decal may not be just for the Insta. I dunno… For me, dying on a road rage incident is the second worst way to die from not walking away, after dying alone on the toilet #Obvio

While driving defensively works on the road, talking defensively is instant defeat. We look toward Dogma for guidance, and find a cornerstone Internet rule: if you get mad in an argument, you lose. Exception: unless your weapon is choice personal attacks. Those are awesome and welcome, always.

Anyway, solution time. If you are facing a “I can see you’re getting upset” or ilk, I endorse apathy. “Oh apathy, that’s your answer to everything”, says you. Me:

Fine, an even quicker fix: condescend. “Upset? How could I ever be upset in your company”, “I think we both are being constructive and honest”, “I am glad we are having this conversation”, etc. etc.

Tl dr: someone goes “U mad Bro?”, don’t confront. Try apathy or lies, sweetly told. Have them blow a gasket 😉👈🏼

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