Monday Morning Mock Draft: Well, That’s Just, Like, Your Opinion, Man

Guten Tag drones, and welcome to May.

All month, too.  Hopefully it will start to warm up around here soon.  I am getting well tired of 52 and cloudy.

This week we’re going to do something a little different:  You are limited to one (1) pick, and only 1 (one) pick.  The topic, and the limitation, comes from first-time contributor BC Dick, who suggested ‘Desert Island Movie’ with the stipulation that you could only make one (one) pick.

Once a movie is picked it is out for everyone.

His pick is ‘The Big Lebowski,’ which is a fine suggestion, not least because I get to post that vaguely threatening picture as the featured image, and make it work.

I have several picks in mind for my own desert island, and I am of course sorely tempted to take ‘Kelly’s Heroes’ again, just so Sharkbait can’t, again.

Look, a bit’s a bit.

That said, I am going to take a chance a trade down, try to get a feel for what you folks might take, and weigh my own choices before making the 1 (1) pick I am allowed here.

But I’m posting this one now, because the Montreal game is getting deep, I need another beer, and this thing needs to head to post.  Without further ado

5 4 votes
Article Rating

Leave a Reply

Subscribe
Notify of
110 Comments
scotchnaut

Gerdammit! I’ve been putting this off forever and I was always going to do a comedy. Four Weddings and A Funeral has the rom-com angle but is still really funny.

Repo Man and Raising Arizona, you were so good…but you were narrow in your focus

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah, I’m trying to make myself feel the way I would if Everton had been the ones to score the equalizer at the last possible second.

King Hippo

Everton made two sets of substitutions in added time, they were correct to play 7′ – but FUCK, that hurt.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m telling myself that letting Everton’s first goal stand (without going through the contortions that they did for the corner kick ungiven penalty) makes up for the “as long as they need” extra time. I mean it really was a spectacular goal.

King Hippo

And in truth, it was a great half of footy. I think it was a difficult match to officiate, but Michael Oliver did it and did it well

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Should have known that Count Doku would commit an atrocity on May 4th.

SonOfSpam

it innit

SonOfSpam

OH NO BANANACAKES!

Random Viking weirdo makes it close

scotchnaut

JFC, Man City.

SonOfSpam

Um, I was told City would spankify Everton, and yet.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Anyone else shocked that Balls didn’t pick Backdoor Sluts 9?

WCS

Because BS 7 is his favorite.

SonOfSpam

It really wraps up the cliffhanger in BS 6 nicely. (It turns out that she DID want it in the backside)

Brick Meathook

I’m going to pick The Princess Bride (1987) d. Rob Reiner

Gumbygirl mentioned it below, but if you read carefully, she never picked it. Let this be lesson about attention to detail, folks.

/evil laugh

IMG_2350
Gumbygirl

No I don’t! I’m picking The Wizard of Oz

1000003662
Brick Meathook

Here’s a Japanese poster about a European film written by two American rednecks and directed by some German guy.

Paris, Texas (1985)
d. Wim Wenders

IMG_2349
Brick Meathook

The greatest film you’ve never heard of, Tampopo (1985)
d. Juzo Itami

Here’s an Italian poster for a Japanese film:

IMG_2346
Brick Meathook

Why I just mentioned this in the last draft of something . . .

Gates of Heaven (1978)
d. Errol Morris

IMG_2345
King Hippo

Apologies in advance, Clubhouse Gooners. This is gonna be a right dry-bumming.

Mr. Ayo

But not by who you think!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Part of me would want to take a Ken Burns documentary to take up as much time as possible but then I’d just be bored. So I’ll take Baseketball

LemonJello

Eli can’t decide which Lego movie would be his choice.

SonOfSpam
LemonJello

♫♫♫ Meet the new plan, same as the old plan…♫♫♫

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Even if JD Vance is the blower?

WCS

comment image

SonOfSpam

Many good choices taken already, so I’m gonna go with L.A. Confidential.

Great flick set in sleazy postwar Los Angeles (um, it implies that in the title I guess), and like Lethal Weapon, does the smart thing in casting Aussies as L.A. cops. (And Guy Pearce is great in everything he’s in…probably should be a bigger star). And the big bad is played by the nice old man in Babe!

comment image

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m convinced that Guy Pearce was seated a few tables over from us that time we ate at the fanciest restaurant in Singapore. He’s done some pretty good films over the years.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If so, it would have been totally unnecessary. Everything at that restaurant was literally perfect.

Brick Meathook

If you like the movie then read the book. There is soooo much more. It’s awesome.

Gumbygirl

Nobody picked the Princess Bride?

1000003382
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Can I come visit you on your island? I’ll bring popcorn.

Brocky

….fuck i can’t think of a pick

Too many so called classics i haven’t seen

Too many so called classics I have seen that I found underwhelming

I’m probably going to pick some comedy, but I don’t know what…

Don T

“He’s Everywhere: The Bronko Nagurski Story”

WCS

John Carpenter’s The Thing

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SsMH-sdznh8

I could write a dissertation about this movie.

Gatoraids

nice, would probably be da missus’s pick since she uses this as her goto sleep comfort movie

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Some people have strange sleeping habits.

[glances at the Dr. Mrs.’ white vacuum noise machine]

Gatoraids

she like the snowy setting and finds it peaceful. she has watched it so many times the rest of it is soothing in an odd way.

Gatoraids

she saw it at such an early age thanks to her older brothers gives her a bit of nostalgia trip as well

Don T

The Heiress saw it recently and loved it. I saw it when I was waaay young for an R movie and several scenes are still branded in my brain. Must rewatch.

Gatoraids

Lifeforce because if I’m stuck on an island by myself going to need something to do with the all the time on my hands..

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I have a couple of picks that I considered simply because a few boobies would be nice, and there aren’t *any* in Heat. But I see you have chosen to max out that attribute.

Gatoraids

also think movies that dont make sense are kinda rewatchable in their own way and dont really want to take things serious on an island. Kinda the MST3k approach.

Doktor Zymm

Boobies weren’t a consideration for me, but if they were I might have gone Airplane!

Doktor Zymm

This reminds me, there are some movies I need to rewatch to see if they’re as good as I remember, thinking Shaun of the Dead and Snatch.

SonOfSpam

Those two specifically ARE as good as you remember.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I rewatched Shaun of the Dead and didn’t enjoy it as much the second time around, sadly.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

But I’ve seen Snatch a few times and it has held up just fine. It’s also easier to understand the dialogue the second time through.

King Hippo

Also, for the record. Chelski watched Fronk’s fury at how cowardly Villa laid down to fuck WHam! (UK) over, and was all liek HOLD OUR PINT!

King Hippo

Mulholland Drive. One of my top 10 moviefilms of all time, fo sho. Also would serve…ahem…multiple purposes.

comment image

Last edited 28 days ago by King Hippo
King Hippo

yeah, THEY DID!

SonOfSpam

Was STRONGLY considering this one.

Partly because it’s wacky enough that you’d catch something different every time, but also the other thing.

2Pack

Since I only get one choice, I will pick a long playing classic. Plus Claudia holds interest very well.

https://youtube.com/shorts/qY5qWeKon3Y?is=aNS73knpii8tn0kx

Last edited 28 days ago by 2Pack
2Pack

.

claudia-cardinale-il-etait-une-fois-dans-l-ouest-1968
Last edited 28 days ago by 2Pack
Doktor Zymm

Instead of sitting around debating all day, I’m gonna take Clue.
comment image

Senor Weaselo

First things first, I would want something lighthearted, so The Godfather Saga is out. Probably in the comedy genre, maybe action/comedy so it scratches the thrill itch. Something to get my mind off the being on a desert island.

So, with that, something I love, something that hits my inner child. The Sandlot it is!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

1. This is actually an easy choice for me:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Us5dEocwWjw

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

By which I mean the movie “Heat” starring Al Pacino and Robert DeNiro and Val Kilmer and Tom Sizemore and Natalie Portman and…

It’s got a great story, great acting, great cinematography, a great score/soundtrack, the greatest shootout scene ever put on film, and it’s almost 3 hours long. All I need to do is figure out how to brew some coconut liqueur and carve myself some sort of rudimentary surfboard and I can live out the rest of my days in vacuum-noise-free tranquility.

Don T

I saw it again last week. Solid.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I used to watch it regularly (maybe once every 18 months or so?) but I think the Dr. Mrs. would worry about my health seeing the levels of drunkenness I normally reach by the end credits. Also it meant to be served “loud”.

Unsurprised

The 10th and 20th anniversary DVD/Blu Rays also had a bunch of great features. Shame physical media is dead just as the movie is finally getting its due.

I also learned of the “Dumb Heat” subgenre in a review of Crime 101. Criterion needs to finally make it available and you could have a whole third disc just on its legacy in film, and especially how the bank shootout was a sea change in action movies and how they are produced and shot, from Ronin (with De Niro again) to Den of Thieves (which wants to be Heat so badly) and even the opening of The Dark Knight. But it also led to John Wick and the fact that Taran Tactical exists as an influencer group of people training celebrities to shoot.

scotchnaut

Look folks, if Geoffrey Epstein was good with just the one island we should be as well.*

*my strangled corpse is found in my office later this afternoon.

Senor Weaselo

It was clearly a suicide.

Gumbygirl

.

1000004479
Don T

After applying Balls’s rationale infra (I can give only one +1 to that wtf?!), my favorite movie fits

comment image

Senor Weaselo

That would be on my short list for desert island musical.

Prisoners of Love/Leo & Max is at the end of the show and it is a fucking pain in the ass from all the shifting back and forth. It felt like it took the full two week run for me to actually nail it.

Don T

Can’t keep our hearts in jaaaiiil

HAHAHAAHAHAHA

LemonJello

Andy Reid misread the draft topic and is frantically searching all the streaming platforms for this “Dessert Island Movie.”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I always assumed that Dessert Island had regions, just like Itchy & Scratchy Land.

1000001998
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

He’s still furious with his travel agent for not talking him out of that trip to Candy Apple Island.

ballsofsteelandfury

And still no one else has made a pick…

Sharkbait

I love how the Kelly’s Heroes bit is still going on.

LemonJello

I am excited to see who makes a second round pick.

comment image

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I wonder when the Blair Witch Projects will go

ballsofsteelandfury

In advance of my pick, I’ll talk about the rationale like a talking head in ESPN or NFL Network.

The two movies that immediately come to mind have a couple of things in common: they both start with “Go” and they both drop off in the third act. This is why they didn’t get selected. I speak, of course, of the movie “Go” and “Goldfinger”. It’s really difficult to find a movie that goes hard until the credits roll. You don’t see that kind of motor very often nowadays. You also don’t see multi-tool movies that can make you laugh, give you a thrill, and make you feel good all at once.

There is only one movie I can think of that handles all of that.

Therefore, with the first overall pick in the draft (after the one in the post), I select

Grosse Pointe Blank

ballsofsteelandfury

comment image

Gumbygirl

Gorosse!

ballsofsteelandfury

Looks like everyone is trading down. No one wants to be the Cleveland Browns…

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Are both of them the Blair Witch Project?

LemonJello

Lowratio keeps tugging at his socks to pick Leprechaun.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Don’t waste your pick, Lowratio! Willow is so much more of an epic story!

110
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x