Monday Morning Mock Drafts: Wait Until Your Father Gets Home!

Guten tag, drones.

As I write this Father’s Day is winding down.  I spent it “hiking” with my father, who is in his mid-80’s and not quite up to the trails he used to to.  But he’s the one who introduced my brother and I to hiking so if the Father’s Day hike these days is less than 2 miles on flat ground and then straight to the bar then by God that’s what it’s gonna be.

Here are some photos I took on the hike, with a camera phone that could do with an upgrade.

The Mountain Laurel is Connecticut’s state flower, and this time of year it is at its peak.

Anyway, this week’s topic is, naturally, fathers.  They have to be fictional fathers from any media source you desire.  They can be good fathers, bad fathers, or indifferent fathers.  Just take one you feel will help you out, then wait ten picks or a half hour and pick again.

With the first pick I will take Lt. Col. Wilbur “Bull” Meachum, a/k/a The Great Santini, from the book and movie of the same way.

Is he an ideal father?  Oh Lord no.  Arguably he isn’t even a good father.  But he’s got (OK, “had”) a fighter jet and that’s gonna help me out with a lot of arguments on the playground.

The rest of you are on the clock.

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SonOfSpam
scotchnaut

If memory serves, small children absolutely love violence.*

*and very large children love skull fractures. That’s been my experience. Yours may differ. (I hope)

Don T

golazo

scotchnaut

Matt Drayton is an older dad that loves his daughter, takes her seriously at a time when other fathers didn’t bother, is willing to examine his biases and is open to change.

tracy
Don T

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Let’s see… Saddam Hussein

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’ll take Papa Smurf. Somehow he’s father to all those blue fuckers.

BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Father Brown

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Last edited 1 hour ago by BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

3. James Garner as Sergeat Major Zack Carey in “Tank”.

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Senor Weaselo

Bryan Mills. Willing to set all of Paris on fire to find his daughter.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AEJNre8p0uY

WCS

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Kirk van Houten; not only did he graduate from Gudger College, he sleeps in a racecar. Do you sleep in a racecar?

SonOfSpam

I don’t recall saying “good luck”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

THIS GUY LIONEL MESSI I CALL HIM ELISHA NELSON MANNING BECAUSE ADULTS ARE OFTEN TRICKED INTO THINKING THAT HE IS WASHED.

Don T

The dad from “Juno”. Lucked into the best stepmother ever too
https://youtu.be/GFAbkHlKFGE?is=aDuoXrrnILtTa9vC

Don T

“I’m gonna punch that Bleeker kid in the wiener” 🤣🤣🤣

WCS

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Randy Marsh; seems to be a genuinely good dad who really does try to be a good dad. He’s just an idiot. He also looks disturbingly like my own old man, at least 15-20 years ago.

Brick Meathook

The Dude

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’ll take the consortium from 3 Men and a Baby. You get the skeelz from all three plus the benefit of numbers. Plus Gutenberg could probably introduce me to all the hot chicks from police academy

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scotchnaut

I’ll go with Noah Cross-a successful fella that was a very good provider and took fathering to the next level.

noah
Sharkbait

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SonOfSpam

Tevye was a great father. Song-and-dance guy, old school BUT open to new ideas, wanted to be a rich man but knew it wasn’t happening. “I don’t remember growing older; when did they?” is an all-timer.

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Gumbygirl

Let’s drink to the widowed fathers raising their kids alone!

1000011118
SonOfSpam

Well now hang on…

He just might have been a wonderful father.

IF (and it’s a gargantuan if) you believe a guy I worked with 20 years ago…

The one thing I could verify is that this guy was the brother of a former NFL player, and this player was a contemporary of The Juice.

The rest is on faith. According to my former co-worker, his brother was told by OJ that the actual killer was OJ’s son, who was pissed about stepmom spending OJ’s money and acting like a drug-fueled party girl post-divorce. Junior confronted her and it escalated when her buddy Ron tried to defend her, and, well, things happened. Junior called OJ for help, and OJ helped clean up the scene and essentially took the fall for his kid (which was why the DNA matched).

Do I believe it? Nah. But it’s at least kinda sorta plausible if you squint.

Gumbygirl

Your rules mean nothing to me!

1000011084
Brick Meathook

The best Gomez

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Don T

blasfemia

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good father choice

Gumbygirl

Call me Daddy

1000011117
Don T

🤣

Gumbygirl

Wait until you see my next pick

Don T

Oscar Madison. He’s warm, lots of fun and we can go to games in all sports. Downside, sporadic child support.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“…and when some random degenerate on the internet said that I was washed, that’s when it became personal.” – Lionel Messi, channeling his inner Michael Jordan

Sharkbait

Man, he really Messi’d that one up

Don T

Telemundo narrator almost fainted from grief

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’ll take the dad from Alf. He was old AF but seemed great. And obviously cool with aliens.

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Gumbygirl

.

1000011116
2Pack

Don in the second round

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2Pack

I sorta lost track.

Never lost track of Joan’s rack however… that’s hard to miss ya know…

Brocky

As the years pass, I realize that not only did mad men make you not care about don being a bad husband, it makes you realize he was a shitty dad as well

Gumbygirl

Completely off topic, but you gotta see this. There is a hero troll in DC!
https://youtu.be/q6IFPvYQvZE?is=pkJj0Dt7Mq6PxRbi

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Why does he look like Nixon there?

Last edited 4 hours ago by BrettFavresColonoscopy
Sharkbait

But she cheats with other women when he’s on the road though.

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Last edited 4 hours ago by Sharkbait
2Pack

First round pick is my man Fred…

Herman-Munster-color_compressed
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

2. Tom Wilkinson in “In the Bedroom”. The mark of a truly great father is his willingness to avenge your death. And to do so meticulously enough to probably get away with it.

Brocky

Another Monday draft, another opportunity to make a joke about the porn industry.

Just think, some actor out there has the distinction of playing “dad” the most times “on film”

Brocky

Sorry JJfozz, gotta snipe this one.

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It would have been too easy to write red as an overbearing typical dad of the times, but they did a really job showing his fair and emotional side, through his willingness to tolerate his son’s shortcomings and idiosyncrasies, and putting a roof over Hyde’s head when he didn’t have to, and became a the father figure he needed (just shame how the actor turned out in real life)

His only notable shortcomings was his failure to properly address his daughter, but honestly, that was pretty typical of the time.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

1b. Harry Dean Stanton as Jack Walsh in Pretty in Pink. Just a genuinely good dad.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

1. Not just a regular father, but a GODfather.

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WCS

He’ll offer you a Witch you can’t refuse.

scotchnaut

I’ll take Vito Corleone. A no-nonsense guy that built an empire out of nothing after coming over to America with only a handful of rigatoni in his pocket. He doesn’t shirk responsibility and does what needs to be done.

godfather
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

OH GODDAMNIT

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Darth Vader. Let’s reconcile and hang out on a Death Star.

yeah right

Jack Torrance.

He really loves the little son of a bitch.

blaxabbath

Al Bundy.

The man was a provider.

2663
SonOfSpam

Gotta take the father upon whom I have modeled myself.

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scotchnaut

I’ll take the dude from Honey, I Shrunk The Kids, Wayne Szalinski. He’s a well-meaning, intelligent bumbler that causes his kids to have a wild adventure. In real life Rick Moranis quit acting completely to raise his kids after his wife passed away. That’s a quality human being.

rick
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Not many people could make a successful joke about poor Rick Moranis getting assaulted by a stranger, but I think Bill Burr pulls it off.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=O1xgXJ5_Q34

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m taking Pops from the Friday movies

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