Before I begin, let me say a few words about Archer: Dreamland.

To the Producers of Archer:  When you create the DVD for the season, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE provide an option to watch the entire season in one full go, like a movie. I promise to buy 5 copies for me and my friends.  No, I don’t have five friends, shut up.

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Speaking of things I love, let’s get into Round 6 of the AFL, shall we?

This week,

We re-unveil a brilliant graph, we catch up on sleep and results from last week, and we ponder the price of real estate and the possibilities of emigrating to Australia.

Welcome to Balls of Steel’s AFL Beat!

We left off last week with two games remaining thanks to the Monday Night Footy game between the Richmond Tigers and the Melbourne Demons and the Tuesday ANZAC Day clash between the Essendon Bombers and the Collingwood Magpies. While I did add a comment on the last AFL Beat that the Tigers won, I feel you deserve a highlight package:

To commemorate the holiday, the Bombers beat up on the poor Pies (see AFL Media?  I’m getting into the alliteration game!  Call me!  I would LOVE to live in Australia!) to the tune of 100-82.   Here is the highlight package:

Richmond’s relatively narrow win meant that they remained third on percentage.  Here is the brilliant new/old graph with results as of the end of Round 5:

As you may remember from my season previews, the Eight were set last year after Round 6:

I’m not sure if that will happen this year, but that makes things quite interesting as we head into Round 6.

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Round 6 began on Australian Friday night (North American Friday morning) with a blockbuster rematch of last year’s preliminary final of the GWS Giants v the Western Bulldogs.  The Doggies took out the Giants on their way to the Premiership and GWS was keen to give a little payback while solidifying their resume for this year.

I thought this game would be close and it was.  It came down to the last two minutes, like in last year’s preliminary final.  This time, it was the Giants that went out on top.  The Doggies’ inefficiency in front of goal (they had 8 more scoring kicks than GWS), specially in a second quarter they completely dominated, led to the 2 point defeat.  For the game, Western kicked 19 (!) behinds and only 9 goals.  That’s just not going to get it done.  Here are the highlights:

On Proper Friday Night, the Hawthorn Hawks kicked things off by “hosting” the St. Kilda Saints in Launceston, Tasmania.  This was a hugely important game for both in order for either of them to salvage their respective seasons.  Well, congratulations to the Saints who still harbor the hope of fulfilling Litre_cola’s expectations of them and finishing 10th!  If your team has been humbled by the Hawks in the past, I suggest you go to the AFL website and watch all four quarters of this game, specially the third.  Oh, if only the Patriots could get beat up like that!

Here are the highlights.  Engage schadenfreudeboners!

At roughly the same time, the Carlton Blues were hosting the Sydney Swans at the MCG. This was a very similar situation as Hawks/Saints in that the two teams desperately needed a win to right the ship.  Well, King Hippo will finally be able to smile and proudly wear his Blues gear as the Crips beat the Bloods 97-78.  This leaves Sydney as the only winless team in the competition.

Please note that this is not to imply that all Sydney Swans supporters are nazis.  They are not.  They are just sad right now.

Here is the delightful highlights package.  Again, those of you with teams that have been humbled by the Swans in recent years will enjoy this:

To add injury to insult, the Swans’ Gary Rohan got

and had to be taken to the hospital after this:

Luckily, reports are saying he is ok.  The rest of the Swans and the Swans’ season, not so much.

Later on Friday night, the Brisbane Lions hosted the Port Adelaide Power. Last week, I pointed out that this is the kind of game the Power usually drop.  I am happy to report that this seems to be a different Power team as they steamrollered the Lions by 83.  Unfortunately, it does not seem to be a different Lions team, as I had earlier thought.  Here are the highlights:

The two late games had the North Melbourne Kangaroos looking for their first win against the Gold Coast Suns and the Perth Derby between West Coast Eagles and Fremantle Dockers.  Those of you that got A’s in reading comprehension already know that the Roos got their first win of the season. It was a long time coming and well-deserved.  Here are the highlights:

The Perth Derby figured to be along the lines of the Power-Lions game.  The Dockers were looking much better after three straight wins while the Eagles were looking vulnerable after having been beaten by the previously winless Hawks.  It looks like the Dockers are not quite there yet as they were soundly beaten by the Eagles. That is not to say that the Eagles are any good as the big loss by the Hawks makes last week’s win even more perplexing.  The Eagles must REALLY suck away from home!  Here are the highlights:

North American Saturday night brought three games for our viewing pleasure.  The first featured the Essendon Bombers facing the Melbourne Demons at the Etihad. Essendon was playing off five days’ rest having played in the ANZAC Day classic against the Pies and quite honestly looked it.  Melbourne was coming off six days’ rest having played on Monday Night Footy and they looked rusty too.  The whole first half was just godawful footy with constant turnovers, bad kicks, and bad umpiring.

In the second half, only the Demons woke up, so they ended up taking the game 112-74. I honestly don’t know how the AFL Media scraped up 6 minutes’ worth of highlights, but here goes:

The next game featured the fully-rested Geelong Cats against the five-days’ rest Collingwood Magpies.  This time, it was the Cats that looked rusty.  The Pies played very well and deservedly won the game 107-78. It’s a good thing I fell asleep after the first quarter.  Here are the highlights:

The very last game of the Round was supposed to be the best game: League-leading Adelaide Crows v third-placed Richmond Tigers.  This one was close for about a quarter and then the Crows delivered a 76 point message that the Tigers and the entire league heard: The Premiership this year goes through Adelaide.  Here are the highlights:

Let’s take a look at the Ladder, shall we?

And now let’s take a look at our updated brilliant graph:

Something tells me we are going to have a season-long battle for that 8th spot…

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Footy Tipping Contest

Here is the table:

While I always tell you, please REMEMBER TO PUT THE FOOTY TIPS IN!!

I can’t really say that it works.  This week, WhyEaglesWhy forgot to put his tips in and did better than I did.  Man, I suck!

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Here is next week’s schedule:

Friday, May 5, 2017

2:50 AM – St. Kilda Saints v GWS Giants at Etihad Stadium

The schedule doesn’t get any easier for the Saints as they host the red-hot Giants.  This will be a very tough game for them to win, even if it is at home.

8:45 PM – North Melbourne Kangaroos v Adelaide Crows at Blundstone Arena in Tasmania

Yet another “Home” game for a team that hosts home games away from home.  The Roos may have some confidence coming off the back of their first win.  They are going to need it and everything they can get against the Crows.

9:10 PM – Collingwood Magpies v Carlton Blues at the MCG

The eternal rivalry.  This is the one they did that VICE Sports special on.  I suggest you tune in just for the crowd shots.

11:35 PM – Port Adelaide Power v West Coast Eagles at Adelaide Oval

West Coast, again, travels out of state. Will they get beat down like they did by the Hawks at the MCG?  The Power are always good at home.

Saturday, April 29, 2017

2:25 AM – Gold Coast Suns v Geelong Cats at Metricon Stadium

This is one of those games where hokey journalists say that if Team A loses, they will walk back to their home town.  I am neither hokey nor a journalist but I promise to shave my balls ahead of schedule if the Cats lose.

2:25 AM – Western Bulldogs v Richmond Tigers at Etihad Stadium

This is one of the best matchups of the Round.  Two teams firmly inside the Eight vying for position and respect.  Even though the Doggies are the defending champs, they aren’t exactly running over everyone.  I expect this one to be close.

8:10 PM – Sydney Swans v Brisbane Lions at the SCG

I’m expecting there to be no more winless teams after Round 6.  I mean, the Swans are at home and they get the Lions?  If they lose this, the coach should be fired.

10:20 PM – Melbourne Demons v Hawthorn Hawks at the MCG

Both teams call the MCG home but the Demons are the “host” for this game.  It will be really interesting to see how the Hawks react after this week’s thumping by the Saints.  The Demons have to show they are for real by winning this game.  This shapes up as a must-win for both teams.

11:40 PM – Fremantle Dockers v Essendon Bombers at Domain Stadium

This one will tell us if the Bombers can win on the road.  Regardless of the Dockers’ record, playing in Perth is always difficult for Melbourne teams.  It should be a good one.

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That’s all for this week. I leave with yet another reason why the AFL Women’s Brisbane Lions are the best.  See you next week!