2019 Quotables – Wild Card Weekend (Submissions)

Wild Card Weekend, eh? Got some overtime, got some injuries, got some low-scoring NFL action. Yessir, the postseason is in full swing. And for you all, Quotables. Please see your Wild Card Weekend submissions below.


Alternate ending to Once Upon a Time….in New Orleans

How many New Englanders have fantasized about Gronk-spiking a successful black man since enjoying their all-time favorite half of a movie, American History X, as part of their household Christmas Eve traditions?

Believe it or not, the Bills lost this game.

Patriots fans taunting the Titans before surely marching off to join the Army for their Messiah’s war against Iran.

I’m not sure but I feel like this is ripe for some Mark Sanchez waiting for a girl to turn 18 joke or something like that.

Nothing says greatest quarterback of all-time like not being able to beat a team that only scored 14 points.

No context needed. That was well-deserved.

Injury prone.
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blaxabbath
I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
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[…] 2019 Quotables – Wild Card Weekend (Submissions) – January 8, 2020 […]

yeah right

[Oliver Stone rips bong hit]

“yeah, we can make this work!”
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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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EVERYWHEAH WE GO (EVERYWHEAH WE GO)
PEOPLE WANNAH KNOW (PEOPLE WANNAH KNOW)
WHO WE AHH (WHO WE AHH)
SO WE TELL THEM (SO WE TELL THEM)
WE AHH THE MASSHOLES (WE AHH THE MASSHOLES)
THE FACKIN’ FACKIN’ MASSHOLES (THE FACKIN’ FACKIN’ MASSHOLES)
[Dips] ([Spits])

Dunstan

[bidding war begins between Barstool Sports and The Ringer]

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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I’m really looking forward to about 5 years from now after Gronk’s remaining brain cells completely die off and they have to wheelchair him onto the stage for events, place something spikeable in his lap and watch it just slide off and softly thud to the ground.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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I don’t care if his knee was down, that play should have invoked Gary Anderson’s law and meant an automatic Vikings loss.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Is this a wagon circling or a pride of lions?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Hundred people surveyed, only one big dumb animal would do that.

ArmedandHammered

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Yeah, oh yeah, just a moment, just a little longer…..unnnghhhhh. Damn, I am out of kleenex.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Matt Schaub Achievement Unlocked. NOW Brady can retire.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Nick Foles’s cock would have protected him from that hit

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Don Beebe and Leon Lett wonder if they’ve been displaced

nomonkeyfun

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“We’ve surveyed 100 people-”
“69 is only valid number. Gronk smash bad host.”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Images like this is why my brain no longer lets itself dream of the Raiders making the playoffs.

Unsurprised

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Redshirt

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(thinking) “I going to do this! I’m going to lead my team to the Super Bowl! I’m going to be loved by ev—♪rrry day, it’s a getting closer, going faster than a roller coaster…♪”

Redshirt

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If you can make BLEERGH bleed, people will cease to believe in him.

Redshirt

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“When did Andy Dalton go to Buffalo?!”

Unsurprised

Gronk manages to piss me off even more in retirement

TheRevanchist

Conversely, Gronk manages to make me love him even more in retirement.

LemonJello

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Yakety Sax begins playing, ending with a long wet fart noise

LemonJello

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Cums *hard*
-Every NFL player

LemonJello

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How fortunate for Clowney that Wentz was there to break his fall, he could have been injured otherwise.

LemonJello

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“HEY, YEA-UH, YOU! WELCOME TO GILLETTE STADIUM, GOOD LUCK TO YOU-AH TEAM IN THE COMING CONTEST. NO MATT-AH WHO WINS, JUST GO OUT THEA-AH AND DO YOU-AH BEST! “

LemonJello

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“C-T-E, kids. It’s real and it affects ALL football players.”

Enrico Pallazzo

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Bulletin board material for Jameis Winston

LemonJello

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I felt a surge in the Force, as though millions of football fans cried out in ecstasy and then looked for the expected bail out by the officials.

LemonJello

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The first cut of The Mandalorian wasn’t well received by the test audiences.

SonOfSpam

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The Saints were stupid to celebrate in front of the Vikings. Did they learn nothing from Alkeda?

nomonkeyfun

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“The ‘Aints are gonna score a touchdown, the ‘Aints are gonna take the lead late. Oh, no, they ain’t gonna score. They ain’t gonna win it.”

nomonkeyfun

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Brady hasn’t been fucked this hard since Giselle heard Tom mumble in his sleep that he wanted to take the “bridge to Moynihan station.”

SonOfSpam

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“We surveyed 100 people and asked, ‘What is your favorite activity after 12 Coors Lights and a megadose of HGH?'”

nomonkeyfun

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I see Wooderson still has it.

Unsurprised

Grass on the field, y’all.

Game Time Decision

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Somewhere Trent Green just wet himself

LemonJello

Well, that’s just about every day for Trent.

Unsurprised

I’m making this alley-oop a gif when I get home.

Game Time Decision

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NAWT FAIR-UH. THE RECIEVE-UH IS BEING HELD THER-UH
/SPITS

Game Time Decision

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When it’s Sexy Friday and the Viagra kicks in