NFL Notes: It’s a pretty quiet day ahead of the schedule release.
Did we all enjoy the Earl Thomas revelations last night? As a Seahawks fan , I sure did. 
- Here’s what we know for sure:
- It happened April 13 but came to light yesterday as Earl Thomas went on Instagram ahead of TMZ publishing the details.
- His agent somehow found out this was going to come to light.
- He & his wife had a verbal argument at their home, after which he left with his brother.
- Apparently over his drinking.
- His wife followed the evening on Snapchat, found out they were out with some ladies, figured out where the Airbnb was from the Snapchat geolocation, grabbed a gun, and went with her sister & a friend to confront him.
- They found him in bed with his brother & at least three women.
- That’s when Nina admitted she pulled out the loaded gun, disengaged the safety and put it to Earl’s head to “scare him.”
- She told police she didn’t know it was loaded as she took out the magazine; however, police later noted there was a round in the chamber.
- He tried to wrestle the gun away & was hit with it.
- Police were called.
- The sister recorded the whole thing on her phone!
- The recording proved to the cops that Earl did nothing & the wife committed all of the crimes.
- The recording proved to the cops that Earl did nothing & the wife committed all of the crimes.
- The sister recorded the whole thing on her phone!
- Nina Thomas, also known as Nina Teresa Baham-Heisser, was arrested & charged with burglary, burglary of a residence with intent to commit aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, and intent to commit aggravated assault.
- Court records show Nina Thomas was also hit with an emergency protective order, requiring her to stay 200 yards from Earl and his alleged mistress, according to the report.
- It happened April 13 but came to light yesterday as Earl Thomas went on Instagram ahead of TMZ publishing the details.
- In my life, I am rarely ever going to agree with, or quote, Barstool because they are all a bunch mouth-breathing circlejerkers, but in this case Big Cat has a pretty clear point:
Can’t get over the fact that having an orgy with your brother and then being held at gunpoint by your wife is just “stuff happens” to Earl Thomas.
What’s the line where things get serious for him?
— Big Cat (@BarstoolBigCat) May 7, 2020
In other news today, I may have restarted the conflict over the Falkland Islands.
It all started when I responded to this picture,
And it was at that moment the Generals knew they had to invade the Falkland Islands.
— Official cicerone to King Charles III (@beerguyrob) May 7, 2020
and then some peeved Argentines chimed in, which led me to pronounce the greatest of sports insults:
Scoreboard.
— Official cicerone to King Charles III (@beerguyrob) May 7, 2020
Since then, in the comments and then between each other, there are some Argentines & some Brits having it out over whose islands they are, and making points that date back to the papal bulls of Alexander VI & dividing the world between Portugal & Spain via the Treaty of Tordesillas.
Sisi, las Malvinas eran propiedad de lo que hoy es Argentina y Gran Bretaña las usurpó ilegalmente.
— chiri (@chiri_iorr) May 7, 2020
It’s a good thing I don’t plan on visiting Buenos Aires anytime soon since I’m apparently on some Boca Juniors hit list.
Tonight’s … entertainment?:
- 2020 NFL Schedule Release – 8:00PM | NFLN / ESPN
- Depending upon your preference, a breakdown of the potential matchups scheduled for 2020.
- Korea Baseball Organization:
- NC Dinos at Samsung Lions – 5:25AM | ESPN2
- Top Chef – 10:00PM | Bravo / Food Network Canada
- It’s Restaurant Wars and this season Padma takes all the limitations off the table as the chefs can make as much food as they want and shop wherever they choose.
- The two winning chefs from last week’s concept challenge are given 48 hours to pick their teams and make the restaurants they pitched come to life.
That’s it for me. I have to spend tomorrow at IT because my work computer died this afternoon. Had I backed everything up? Of course not!
[…] giving Maestro something fun to type the next time he revisits that […]
As a constant mask practitioner I’ve learned a few things. First of all it tends to chafe the nose. Second of all if you wear glasses it fogs the shit out of them.
I’ve got my mask application down cold though.
1.5 seconds?
Mask deployed.
I’m ready.
I may be in love
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CHIuGblBmaw&feature=youtu.be
Jeff Goldblum died
For reals?
yeah, eventually
The cats are back in the airports; the earth is healing.
Why haven’t I seen this fucking movie?!?!
I definitely did not sign up to play Fallout 4: The Home Game
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7RMwyqLKyoY
I previously looked at the schedule to see if there would be any interesting road trips. This year’s would have been to Dallas in November to see a friend and catch Steelers-Cowboys (my friend’s family has had season tickets forever).
I’m pretty sure that’s not happening this year.
You, sir, are not road-tripping this year. I forbid it.
We cannot afford to lose our buttsecks knowledge database.
Fucking card counters.
Jay Glazer says Rapey Ben is a Fatty Fatpants, so save yourself the grief!
NFL Schedule Day is kinda depressing considering we’re all gonna die before Labor Day.
But at least I can go to Georgia and get a haircut.
Also apparently Ohio’s got snitchline for bosses whose workers who won’t go back.
Where’s the snitchline for workers whose bosses are going to “work remotely” a little while longer? Ha ha, just kidding, I know it’s 1-800-fuck-you
Dying is for the little people, obviously.
I used “apparently” incorrectly:
But Ohio has a plan. The state has set up a snitchline that bosses can use to narc out workers who won’t risk their lives. Workers who are snitched upon lose their unemployment benefits and risk starvation and losing their homes.
https://secure.jfs.ohio.gov/covid-19-fraud/
Who was just bragging about the great job De Wine is doing? Bueller?
I didn’t read far enough to see how it was funded…. too disgusted.
(Raises hand)
Like I said, wasn’t going to vote for him anyway. Now I can get my DeWine hate back on with a clear conscience. Sneaky little fuck.
Every state has one of these set up
The Ohio is specifically based on reporting employees, Colorado’s is for medicare fraud, hoarding PPE, price gouging etc., DS.
Everything is awful and only beer keeps me from killing random nuns.
As long as nobody touches my 60s and 70s Nunsploitation porn film stash.
For me, it’s the heroin and moonshine.
“Mask wearing MILFs in your area; passionately wanting to be six feet away from you.”
It’s just air! Air!
I once rode in an elevator in Century City with Jon Voight. Later, I went to a Chinese restaurant in Century City with Jon Voight. Even later, I realized that Jon Voight and Gene Wilder were co-owners of the production company in Century City that I worked for. I never met Gene Wilder. But the few times I met Jon Voight he was a very friendly and cool guy, and unlike most actors who are midgets because they photograph better, Jon Voight was a tall man, about 6’3″ or 6’4″. I don’t know what that is in metric.
Too bad he’s such a conservative right wing dickhead. I really liked him in The Odessa File.
He’s an American who’s entitled to his own stupid opinion just as much as you are entitled to your own stupid opinion.
Who could’ve imagined he’d become a MAGA turd?
He’s an American who’s entitled to his own stupid opinion just as much as you are entitled to your own stupid opinion.
Almost running low on booze, and I don’t have any free toilets, how’m I supposed to make more?
Did you plan poorly, or over-indulge?
Mostly the latter
“Plan your booze, booze your plan.”
-Tony Robbins.
As we used to say, “When you’re down to Schlitz, you’re out of beer.”
I think we had a similar, but in high school the tallboys were cheap….err affordable.
Have you tried low-cost toilets?
The new ones just dont have enough water smh
Add oranges.
*frozen orange juice concentrate taken from the neighbor you just shot.
You don’t get live action computing like this in shows now days.
Damn sexy restful, healing sleep.
Isn’t that what everyone wants?
I have already achieved fitful, periodic, random, sexy sleep.
It’s just where we get the smack, it’s not where we do it.
Or where we get our call girls or accidentally steal our coke.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3S_qqhL_4A
I can pretty much guarantee that tomorrow morning I will roll out of bed thinking it’s Saturday. The day after? I’ll be rolling out of bed thinking it’s Friday.
At least you won’t think it’s Sunday.
I’ve a notion that she’s got a bloody Sunday coming sooner rather than later
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EM4vblG6BVQ
Sunday Venom Sunday?
I’m morphing into Phil Connors. The only grasp I have on the days of the week is on two of them I don’t feel obligated to wait until 430pm to start drinking.
I totally love quarantine life. I’m in Los Angeles, working remotely in Canada, actually working about 15 minutes a day, with direct-deposit, I’m hammered 24/7, my contract in Canada ends at the end of May at which time I plan on applying for both California unemployment and also Quebec super-unemployment benefits, and I have the greatest webcam ever that I built myself from two high quality cameras and two high quality lenses.
/farts
Yep. Couldn’t be better. I hope this never ends.
The last time I was around people was on a packed 757 on the evacuation flight back to Los Angeles. That was six weeks ago.
How often do you bathe and shave? I’ve let myself go as long as 72 hours on a couple of occasions before I couldn’t stand it. My dogs don’t care, and I do get cleaned up for those rare once- or twice-a-week forays into the outside world.
I can go 72 hours unbathed before I have to take a complete shower and bath (I have a huge bathtub) and shave close and get smelling real nice, but not too nice. I have a great head of hair that I always keep short, but it’s growing out and I comb it back so it’s actually looking decent now. I’ve had a beard in the past but I greatly prefer being freshly clean shaven and have occasionally paid barbers to do it. I miss pedicures and ball-waxing but we can’t have everything. Anyway I have good personal hygiene even when alone and I always wear clean socks.
ALSO: For the past 5+ months Canada and Quebec have been withholding 50% of my paycheck; I plan on getting all of it back, by hook or by crook. If I have to pay for socialism well fine, at least give me some of that socialism in return.
I’m a former submarine crew member. I can stand being dirty, but eventually I gotta get clean.
Last funny:
Kind of like hanging out at home….
https://twitter.com/TheGrimyGhost/status/1258466956383907840
Forty, maybe fifty, years from now I could see myself going back to pre-quarantine life. Will probably be ready by then.
In forty years I would be 100 years old, so I’m pretty much fucked, I reckon.
The Barr/Flynn news have anyone else teetering on the edge of something?
Unfortunately yes. I can hear the screams of “PERJURY TRAP” from here. Despite the fact that a perjury trap does not exist.
Yeah. The Fourth Reich.
Been scared for awhile now. This bullshit is TERRIFYING.
It took almost 75 years, but the Russians have won. And we developed the weapon. In fact, we’re communicating over it right now.
There will be some casualties on that side.
I think this virus wild card is going to throw a spanner into the works, for certain.
Yes, an ook wrench.
Is there something beyond cynicism?
“Nihilists! Fuck me. I mean, say what you like about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it’s an ethos.”
One bit of good news from an unlikely state, those two guys that killed that black jogger in Georgia were arrested and charged with murder and aggravated assault. Acquittals to follow, I’m sure, but at least for one brief shining moment….
And all it took was video evidence
“Who you gonna believe, me or your lying eyes?”
Shoulda grabbed him by his pussy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ySzrJ4GRF7s
“Black days, yellow days, purple days. I know you, tWBS. You’ll always come back to us.”
-Green Day
DOOOOONNNNTTTTT CAAAARRRREEEEE
*dumb joke has been edited
Aww. I need to get taken down a peg.
And finally, the fake baseball results for the Bob Uecker Region, where four of the eight series went the distance:
Top Half
(1) 1929 Philadelphia Athletics def. (16) 1940 Cincinnati Reds in four games: 4-2, 9-0, 3-0, 13-2
Series MVP:
Summary: The A’s showed why they’re a one seed, dominating the Reds on offense and defense.
(9) 1994 Montreal Expos def. (8) 2005 Chicago White Sox in seven games: 6-1, 4-1, 4-5, 0-7, 4-0, 1-4, 6-5
Series MVP: MTL SP Pedro Martinez, 2-0, 0.00 ERA in 13 1/3 IP, 17 K
Summary: My beloved and lamented Expos can’t do anything the easy way. They blew a 2-0 series lead, then they blew a 4-2 lead in Game Seven handed to them by Ken Hill, who held the ChiSox to two runs in seven innings and contributed a two-run homer. Down 5-4 in the 9th, Montreal loaded the bases with one out, and pinch-hitter Lenny Webster chipped a single to left off Orlando Hernandez (L, 0-1) to drive in the tying and winning runs. Expos Win!
(4) 1905 New York Giants def. (13) 2011 Texas Rangers in six games: 6-8, 6-4, 3-2, 2-1, 4-6, 8-4
Series MVP: NYG RF George Browne, .364 AVG, .591 SLG
Summary: Christy Mathewson won both of his starts, striking out seventeen and walking three in sixteen innings, and Joe McGinnity allowed just one run in eight innings.
(12) 1982 St. Louis Cardinals def. (5) 1969 New York Mets in six games: 6-0, 4-5, 3-1, 5-2, 1-8, 7-1
Series MVP: STL 1B Keith Hernandez, .565 AVG, 4 R, 5 RBI
Summary: George Hendrick’s three-run homer (2) in the 7th inning of Game Six sealed the victory for the Cardinals.
Bottom half
(6) 1954 Cleveland Indians def. (11) 1971 Pittsburgh Pirates in seven games: 6-2, 0-1, 2-7, 3-2, 2-9, 5-2, 9-1
Series MVP: PIT C Manny Sanguillen, .483 AVG, .655 SLG, 6 RBI
Summary: Bob Lemon (1-1) held the Pirates to one run in 8 2/3 innings in the final game of a tight series. Pittsburgh’s Manny Sanguillen was the first player from a losing team to receive series MVP honors.
(14) 1991 Minnesota Twins def. (3) 1984 Detroit Tigers in seven games: 3-2, 5-7, 1-3, 2-8, 3-1, 7-0, 9-2
Series MVP: MIN 2B Chuck Knoblauch, .375 AVG
Summary: a.k.a. the Jack Morris Series. Many players are on two different teams in the tournament, but only a small number are on three, and this first-round matchup was the first to feature the same player on both sides. I admit I was tempted to tweak the pitching rotations to have Morris vs. Morris, but the Prime Directive forbids me to interfere. Or something like that. Anyway, the elder Morris won both his starts, while the Tigers version won one but lost the decisive game to Kevin Tapani (1-1), as the Twins completed a comeback from a 3-1 series deficit. Kent Hrbek homered twice to drive in five in Game Seven.
(7) 1912 Boston Red Sox def. (10) 2002 Anaheim Angels in seven games: 3-7, 0-5, 4-2, 2-8, 2-1, 6-5, 4-3
Series MVP: BOS CF Tris Speaker, .448 AVG, 5 R
Summary: The Red Sox were outscored by ten runs, but pulled out the series after coming back from deficits of 2-0 and 3-1. In Game Seven, Duffy Lewis broke a 2-2 tie with a two-run double, and the Rally Monkey was unable to get the Angels back in it.
(2) 1961 New York Yankees def. (15) 1998 San Diego Padres in five games: 0-3, 4-3, 13-1, 13-3, 1-0
Series MVP: NYY C Elston Howard, .545 AVG, 7 RBI
Summary: The Yankees dropped the series opener, but came back with four straight wins.
And next thing you know, you go the mailbox. Or open the Sunday paper (remember those?).
“AOL? How can we lose??”
-Time Warner
Ah yes, the days when in fact nobody on the internet was a woman.
Actually, guy on the right might be exhibiting o-face.
Or the underage girl they claimed to be.
Damn those FBI agents.
Also local police (with boners).
I went to tons of Pirates games as a kid. Manny Sanguillen was the nicest guy in the world. He signed autographs for every kid who wanted one, with the biggest, happiest smile on his face. He was a great guy!
The ’94 Expos will be my non-Yankees sentimental pick.
Its hard to imagine them moving if they go on a deep run as they were probably going to.
Could have had it all…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Ow7uW7XDd4
Tension is rising in the second round — already have our first clearing of the benches….
LOVE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Update: one of the British guys is a Falkland Islander & is tweet-quoting his own book, in English, at the Argies.
My work is done for the day. Tomorrow: India-Pakistan.
Holy shit have I worked with Indians and Pakistanis! Brilliant computer coders, and the nicest people you could ever meet, and of course I knew them in Canada. None of them drank, but they all loved me because I was their boss and unlike the Canadian supervisors I was the friendly American who didn’t give a shit if they fucked off (which they rarely did) plus I knew ten times more about movie making than everybody else. I liked to get drunk and tell them that I didn’t care if they nuked the shit out of each other I just loved the Subcontinent dialect of English they all spoke. And also I had no preference for Hindu nor Islam, as long as they all knew that Christ is King. We all got along.
I’ve known a number of Hindus from the sub-continent that had no problem getting shitfaced on scotch whiskey. Muslims, not so much.
Well, the world’s already egging on China-Taiwan at this point.
That’s an undercard. China-Japan is the main event.
Looks like there’s ample parking in the rear.
Don’t see any poker up front, though.
Tangential, but this place is 30 miles south of my parent’s ranch on US 83 in Uvalde TX.
A winning combination.
For $200….
Pool’ is definitely the Holy Spirit of the Girls, Alcohol and Pool trinity.
Of girls and alcohol which is the son and which is the father?
Asking for a friend…..
The Bengals are going to start at home. Because we’ve only started at home once in the past 10 years and you’ll have to be completely insane to think the NFL is starting this season on time.
This COVID-19 Pandemic is just like watching an episode of Yu-Gi-Oh!; several beloved creatures were sent to the graveyard all in a desperate attempt to get rid of a nigh-unstoppable evil monster.
And the GOP screwed the rules because they could control the money.
LOL
Our office is now changing our monthly meetings to weekly. Dear god. Beatings will continue until morale improves, I guess.
ON THE ROAD TO VEGAS
‘We were somewhere around Barstow, on the edge of the desert, when the drugs began to take hold.’
HELL YEAH
Too classy 2/10
Me and my boss have evolved into Kirk and Kruge from Star Trek III.
Kirk/Me: “You should ______?”
Kruge/Boss: “No!”
Kirk/Me: “But why?”
Kruge/Boss: “Because you wish it.”
Didn’t we beat the shit out of England like twice? The fuck is wrong with those Buenos Airheads?
We kick ass in wars (pre-1950).
“Beat the shit” is a tad of a misnomer.
They went back across the water twice like tea-swilling pussies.
Tea-swilling pussies should be the most popular FF team name for the 2021 season.
Yes, “Meh, not worth it.” first. Then in the War of 1812 they went; “Oh, a deal to take the revenue source as opposed to the pain in the ass, ungrateful bastards? We’ll take the money.”
[heavy cockney accent]
Don’t let facts git in the way of MURICA FUCK YEAH
Well, I do have the big dirty flags in the back of my jacked 1989 Ford pickup!
In other news; small businesses and entrepreneurs adapt to COVID-19 and innovate to open the economy safely.
I love that Maestro will someday write a post that will say:
Reason for Conflict: BeerGuyRob
Twitter flame wars count!
The Ugly Canadian! Can’t take them anywhere.
I want her to be mine. I’m willing to build a working time machine in order to make it happen.
Russ Meyer is our spirit animal.
Gotta say, I hete siding with the Argies. That is all.
I stand by my typo
High Energy Transient Explorer
Sorry, that was out of line:
Hydroxyeicosatetraenoic acids (sometimes also termed hydroxyicosatetraenoic acids)
I’ve worked with Brits and Argentinians who were all wonderful people but the “Argies” were indeed very sensitive on “the islands” issue and the Brits would sometimes brag in a very inappropriate manner. As usually the only American in the group, I liked to remind them that they are both Third-World countries and so shut the fuck up.
The Argies have a huge superiority complex so anytime they’re reminded they lost at something, they’re NOT happy.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_wars_involving_Argentina
I think the Falklands/Malvinas War of 1982 actually should have been a soccer game. Those people call it “football” (or “futball”).
They’re more bitch-sensitive than the Turks, with whom I have some experience. Talk about snowflakes.
My old Euros preview of Turkey speaks for itself.
Beats siding with the French.
Although it seems to my palate that most French wines are superior to Argie wine. Or Chilean, for that matter.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quasi-War
Fuck the world
Found a funny:
bro if i get one more email with the subject “we’re all in this together” it better be from the 2006 cast of High School Musical i stg
Being a financial first responder is, like being an emt or firefighter, just an excuse to heap empty words on us without paying us shit.
If you can track this down somewhere, it’s pretty interesting. Pissed off Argies almost lynched the whole Top Gear team. Those people are still pissed off about losing that one, you’d think they were Dixie-flag waving southerners.
I think you can see it for free if you sign up for Motor Trend channel for a month on Amazon Prime. 2 episodes, the uncomfortable bit is in the second one. I get all the Top Gear episodes for “free” on the Motor Trend app, for which I pay 6 bucks a month.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Top_Gear:_Patagonia_Special
That was a wonderful show. It’s funny that people complain their stuff is staged, but that shit was 100% real.
I remember watching that. It was a little delicate getting out of the country.
Well, the Dixie-flag waving southerners almost lynched them too, so there you have it.
Oh yeah, forgot about that one. That was kinda hard to watch.