NFL Noise:
- It’s all about reducing capacity & costs today:
- The Ravens announced they will go as low as 14,000 per home game, to accommodate social distancing.
- That’s 80% below their maximum capacity of 71,000 fans.
- No word on Purple camo masks.
- The Chiefs have announced a season-ticket holder-only plan.
- They have refunded all single-game purchases.
- Ticket face price only; if bought through a reseller, the fan is responsible for chasing down the difference.
- The team will hold onto the 2020 season-ticket payment, and allow purchase of single-game tickets using the balance to draw down.
- Or, holders can opt-out of 2020 as a whole, preventing them from buying the single-game tickets.
- They have not yet established an attendance mean for the season.
- They have refunded all single-game purchases.
- On-air staff at NFL Media have been asked to take a pay cut.
- Up to 50 NFL Network on-air employees have been asked to take voluntary pay cuts of up to 15 percent.
- They start in August, and will go for as long as six months.
- Up to 50 NFL Network on-air employees have been asked to take voluntary pay cuts of up to 15 percent.
- The Ravens announced they will go as low as 14,000 per home game, to accommodate social distancing.
- Got a hundred grand lying around? Then Heritage Auctions has a deal for you – Josh Gordon’s Super Bowl LIII ring.
- He played with them long enough to qualify for the creation of a ring.
- The thinking is that missing four years of pay due to suspension might be the cause & effect of the whole scenario.
- He played with them long enough to qualify for the creation of a ring.
- Amazon today joined Nike, Walmart, Target and Dick’s Sporting Goods among companies to remove [Redacteds] merchandise for sale online.
- Third-party sellers have 48 hours to remove or conclude all listings.
- The only major retailers to still carry the goods online are Fanatics.com and NFLShop.com.
- To quote Florio,
- Amazon’s gesture has added significance because Amazon founder and owner Jeff Bezos owns the Washington Post — and he already has been mentioned as a viable candidate to secure majority ownership in the franchise, if Daniel Snyder throws his hands in the air and cashes out.
- Raheem Mostert wants out of San Francisco.
- Under his current contract, he is paid commensurate to a special-teams player.
- Given what he did in the NFC playoffs, he wants to be paid like the running back they used him as.
- He wants a raise to $4.55 million, which is what they will be paying newly signed Tevin Coleman.
- he’s set to earn $2.55 million in 2020.
- Under his current contract, he is paid commensurate to a special-teams player.
Tonight, a major North American sports league returns to work as Major League Soccer (MLS – not to be confused with real estate or not-Lou Gehrig’s Disease) returns to the pitch with their “MLS is Back” tournament. I know you have lots of questions, so I’m here to help you with some practical answers to your confused questions.
Average [DFO] Reader: So Beerguy, what the hell is this shit anyway?
Beerguyrob: Glad you asked. “MLS is Back” is a restart tournament, being played out of the ESPN Wide World of Sports Complex in Orlando, Florida. It’s designed to pique interest in a league that suspended operations two weeks into the season due to COVID-19.
A[DFO]R: What the fuck does that mean. 
BGR: Easy there, son. What it means is that the league’s 26 teams were split into six groups based on their conference. There was one group of six teams, and all the others had five, but now that Dallas has completely pulled out due to their whole team testing positive, it’s five groups of five.
A[DFO]R: How will it unfold?
BGR: Each team will play three group stage matches, and the results will count toward the 2020 MLS regular season standings. Once the group stage is done, the knockout stage will begin. It’s set-up like the Euro – the top two from each group, plus the next four best records will qualify for the playoff stages. They will then play single-elimination knockout games until there is only one remaining.
A[DFO]R: When the hell are they playing the games, because it gets sticky in Florida this time of year.
BGR: Not if you grease the poles. Anyways, to beat the severe summer heat, matches will only be played during select time slots, with group-stage games almost exclusively scheduled to kick off at 9 a.m., 8 p.m., or 10:30 p.m. Eastern time.
A[DFO]R: Well, that sounds awful. What will they get for winning? They’re in Florida – is Robert Kraft involved?
BGR: No, but I like where your head is at. The tournament winner will qualify for the 2021 CONCACAF Champions League. Plus, there is a prize pool of over a million dollars to split.
[Door Flies Open]
Hippo: DAMMIT MAN – WILL THERE BE GAMBLING?! 
BGR: Oh my, yes. It’s one of the few ways they’ve been able to generate interest. Have a look here for the latest odds.
Hippo: PRAISE FUCKING GAMBLOR! HIPPO OUT!!
A[DFO]R: Who. The Fuck. Was That Guy?
BGR: Hippo. Wasn’t that fucking obvious?
A[DFO]R: Y’know – you’ve got a major fucking attitude…
BGR: Listen Karen, just go back to hate-tweeting JK Rowling & let me get on with finishing this. Once the tournament is over, the regular season for the league will resume, with an amended schedule of games so that they can hold their playoffs sometime before the Tokyo Olympics.
A[DFO]R: When’s the first game then, shithead?
BGR: Tonight. And here’s the overall schedule, subject to change based on positive tests. So go crawl onto your couch & prepare to flip between soccer & wrestling. because – c’mon, you’re not watching 90 minutes of Orlando City vs. Inter Miami.
A[DFO]R: Yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry for being such a dink.
BGR: No worries. Fuck you very much.
Tonight’s… entertainment?:
- MLS is Back Tournament:
- Orlando City SC vs. Inter Miami CF – 8:00PM | ESPN / TSN
- A Group A match.
- Orlando City SC vs. Inter Miami CF – 8:00PM | ESPN / TSN
- Wrasslin’:
- AEW Dynamite – 8:00PM | TNT / TSN2
- Night 2 of “Fyter Fest”
- NXT – 8:00PM | USA
- Night 2 of “The Great American Bash”
- Dark Side of the Ring – TSN2
- The Montreal Screwjob – 10:00PM
- The Match Made In Heaven – 11:00PM
- AEW Dynamite – 8:00PM | TNT / TSN2
- Bigfoot Is Real: Sasquatch Nests – 10:00PM | TRAVEL
- Bobby and Brandi bring the GCBRO to help out a lady whose home and pets have been attacked by Bigfoot and she’s taken some shots at the creature.
MLS’s return is a sign that leagues are coming back to life. How many employees independent contractors they kill in the process? Who knows.
[…] Your “All Hail Our Blessed Saviour, Soccer” Wednesday Evening Open Thread – July 8, 2020 […]
Drone strike!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KgqtZaW8cec
Not to be a total sexist pig, but to be a total sexist pig, I probably would have had a bit more interest in this series of vids had she been a bit more scantily clad, if you know what I mean.
And with that comment, I’d better just cut my losses and go to sleep.
What-the-fuck-ever, she’s fantastic.
Here you fucking go, lots of sweat for your fucking pleasure:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1B9cdcjI2_U
Actually he’s pretty damn funny too.
I don’t get the hot sauce videos.
I think she looks gorgeous in the Nissan ads:
I love them, but whatever. Best interview since Craig Ferguson went off the air….. well for my tastes anyway. Where is Senor Weasolo when you need him?
During the interview she becomes even……… hotter.
Surprised there’s no mention of the fact that Stephen Jackson came out in defense of DeSean Jackson and said he was just speaking the truth. Jacksons in general becoming a problem.
No shit.
—Stonewall Jackson
So we aren’t good yet? – M. Jackson
Action Jackson may just have to kick everybody’s ass.
I did not see that……. not surprised.
I am very disappointed that I have not ended any of my emails thusly.
Rate of Marriage with First Cousins per Turkish Region in 2019.
Similar to Kentucky, but less sisters.
So the Armenian Genocide was like Shelbyville obliterating Springfield?
Դ’ոհ
(That’s apparently “D’oh!” in Armenian)
So I search for Armenian Homer Simpson (of course I did) and this…. popped up:
From 1970-1973, I lived in the area just SE of Istanbul in the 4.82% area shown in Moose’s map above. My dad had a 1970 Jeepster Commando that we drove all over the country for those 3 years. I remember us driving up into the remote mountain areas, and seeing villages that were full of redheads/gingers, which was so odd, because most Turks were dark-complected and brown or black-haired. We figured the ginger communities were there as a result of the occasional Irish/Scottish/English/Breton crusader stopping off for a quick rape back in the day.
Frijoles, Frijoles, la fruta musical. Cuanto más comes, más te picas.
EDIT: Recursive Translation made it better.
Now I’m Free
Free Holays.
—Tom Petty.
https://www.cbssports.com/nfl/news/washington-name-change-team-plans-to-scrap-native-american-imagery-but-keep-color-scheme-per-reports/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jWJ3Au0aorY&t=23s
I don’t really care, but I love that GIF.
A little history stuff for DonT.
Odd that it doesn’t show Navy bombers over Isla De Vieques.
Not in 1910.
OK, DeLorean bombers then.
Yeah, early XXth Century was my guess, on account of Miles AND meters being used. Great find!
https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/u-s-first-lady-melania-trump-statue-set-on-fire-in-slovenia/ar-BB16v2h2?li=BBorjTa
Why the hell did she have a statue in the first place?
They like illegal immigrants to other countries that make it big? It doesn’t look like it was a huge investment.
Looks like it was carved with a chainsaw and painted with Krylon.
Main cost was gas?
2-stroke for chainsaws does cost a little more…
Well, except for maybe Barron (who still a kid and might be salvageable with years of therapy), she’s the only member of the First Family whose closest to deserving a statue?
I think Mary Trump might be the best Trump.
Barron looks like the kid in The Omen to me.
I knew I liked Slovenia when I visited!
Fun fact: I went to Anze Kopitar’s hometown and there was Kings stuff everywhere!
Slovenia is top 3 cou tries for me for sure. What a place, cheap wine, beautiful scenery, friendly and gorgeous women.
Ya burnt!!
Disaster for Freedom Inter Milan
Oh fuck, not the bees!
—Nic Cage
Bees. My God.
— Batman
Yep, but at least they get to go back to their shitty Orlando hotel and eat shitty food til their next game.
Hot Pockets for sale in the lobby store, they fucking rock.
Cant a guy walk down the street without a woman asking to marry him!?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZAn3JdtSrnY
If any guys here have a woody you can’t get rid of, watch this and it will definitely fall limp.
https://twitter.com/i/status/1280981261591261185
How much you offering?
That’s probably a car that will cost in six figures.
h
ttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yPicu7GAj28&t=4m24s
NSFW – unless you want to see Alanna Ubach’s fake bush, than go back about 10 seconds.
I figure Balls would especially appreciate this.
h
ttp://www.imagebam.com/gallery/tztj2c33ca4787e9gizu1o2loctut5nm
Balls does!
Have a virtual doc appointment next week. In place of the annual physical.
If anyone can recommend a tripod/lighting setup, so I can focus on getting a finger way up while spreading my
I’m gonna need an assistant. What category do you use for Craigslist?
Missed connections?
I’ll be over, I already know the address. If you feel the pressure but I still give you the thumbs up sign, don’t be alarmed, it’s magic.
Do you make special requests or just purely clinical?
Yes.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04P3H9XRLy8
Hey, I didn’t flinch the first three times.
Grindr.
Orlando City with the tying goal! WHAT A MATCH!
Let Batman go free — I volunteer as tribute!
“Speaking of Eartha Kitt…” -Pierce H., Greendale Community College
♫♪♪ na na na na na na na na Batdildo! ♫♪♪
Watching the original Total Recall. It’s tough to choose my favourite Paul Verhoeven film. I’d go:
1- Basic Instinct
2- Total Recall
3- Robocop
4- Showgirls
5- Starship Troopers
Solid ranking. Showgirls coulda been better with more girls-appreciating-girls.
Showgirls is fucking hilarious. An underrated comedy.
Three boobs (nice ones, too!) for the win.
*googles Paul Verhoeven*
The TV ads in Starship Troopers lift it a little higher than 5 for me.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=158&v=ww8TuF88ct8&feature=emb_logo
I always liked the movie more than the TV series.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FgcGOWaTPdU
Me too. There is something about Alan Alda that I find really annoying.
Plus, Altman’s vision didn’t account for PCness and followed the book more closely, hence characters named Duke (for the racist Tom Skerritt character who attended that NC med school) and Spearchucker Jones, neither of whom made it past the first couple of episodes of the TV show.
The only African American character was quickly eliminated from the TV show.
In 1972, Sanford and Son and other yassa massa shows were all that could make it. Shit changed over the course of the decade, though.
Even with some of the writing Demond Wilson and Redd Foxx showed the humor and humanity to an extent that they shined above the inherently racist approach. Foxx was an old pro at dealing with that shit.
Absolutely. It took a while to get out of the Amos’n’Andy mindset, though.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ugFTcRh0Q6I
Watching MLS is such a pleasure after that stupid Premier League hackery.
AND NOW A SERIOUS INJURY!!!
How much extra time do they give for a death?
7 minutes. 8 if it was autoerotic asphyxiation.
The extra minute is worth the feel.
Someone has to untie the belt.
I think I actually posted this here a while back. Still, appropriate to above.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Gc4QTqslN4
I checked out that guy Adam Miller based upon your mention of him last night. Awesome! Particularly like the realism, puts me in mind of the Baroque stuff that I love, so much like a well-composed photograph more than a painting, but in this guy’s case much better lit than Caravaggio and all those other 17th century Renaissance painters, like Artemisia Gentileschi. Miller’s stuff is a little bit out of my price range, though!
His originals are way out of mine too. He goes after diverse subjects for sure.
On the other hand Jon what’s his name’s prints are free at MAGA rallies, unless you are wearing a mask.
I didn’t mean last night to positively pimp that RWNJ cockslobberer’s shit, once again my attempts at sarcasm/ridiculousness at times might be too nonsensical for anyone to understand except by drunk me.
I doubt anyone assumed that, otherwise you would’ve been set aflame by one of the commenter’s special offspring. (I think only one has that ability, and it’s used judiciously)
The kids have matches?
Think Firestarter, but less coke than Drew Barrymore.
Well now I just have to:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmin5WkOuPw
Well, guess I’ll take this down from the ol’ bedroom wall.
Put it on the ceiling so you can beat off to it just before night-night.
I’m older now, so to sploog on it it has to be on the wall. Another few years the floor.
I am at floor already. I’ll be 61 next week. But my lack of testosterone results in a full head of hair.
P.S.; I know you justly hate that motherfucker and I am in agreement.
Titanic 2: The Wrath of the Iceberg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=3&v=cft60HYb7Fs&feature=emb_logo
Glad to see/hear the long version. In fact, you rarely ran across the edited version back in the day, now that I think about it. I guess the long version gave the DJ time to step out for a joint break.
Found a funny:
Hey dude sorry I didn’t respond to your text sooner, I accidentally refered to eating lunch as “becoming lunchpilled” and my wife took my phone away
Dick Charles? So, Dick Chuck? Almost sounds like an, uh, Asian American name…
Nah, it’s an event. Lorena Bobbitt is terrific at it.
What is her record; 35.6 feet from a moving car? Not bad.
We’ll have to consult the Vegas historian.
That place looks like one of the cheap-ass gas station-convenience store-casino combinations out in the middle of the Arizona desert, like Why, AZ. But good for the Native Americans for setting up a place that might fleece the honky invaders a bit.
Um no. I would have thought you would have been all over the cars in the parking lot and date the photo.
BGR: Easy there, son.
Don’t call me “son”.
BGR: Listen Karen
That’s better.
It only took me 3 hours to figure out what BGR stood for.
I knew I should have just asked initially.
Yeah, good ol Boy Groping Rapist.
Looks like he had a growth spurt.
Of hair.
Chia pet version of Tor Johnson, Plan 9 from Outer Space.
I don’t understand your references old man.
Just googled, though, and you are correct and humorous.
I thought it was Wolfman Rob in a bear suit sans bear head.
https://www.wcpo.com/news/local-news/hamilton-county/cincinnati/kings-island-worker-tests-positive-for-covid-19
“Lets go to Kings Island!” they said! “It’ll be fun!” they said!
For BFC and LemonJello:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pb1qeyztBbM&feature=youtu.be
Washington Domestic Colonists?
Btw, Liga MX started their tourney last week. Only 8 teams based in Guadalajara and México City. True Round Robin in group play not this play three out of four opponents bullshit.
Does Puebla count??
Of course they count, but they’re not playing.
Guess who IS playing? Yup, Mazatlan FC…
Funny how that works, huh?
Yeah, but you can see their lips move when they do it.
“Oh Christ, it’s that asshole again.”
https://www.sportingnews.com/us/ncaa-football/news/michigan-jim-harbaugh-coronavirus-worse/1pog479r1n5vt15vi1b2yq2cq7
What a fucking idiot….. but we knew that…. this is solid data that backs up our previous position.
I predict it now:
The Washington Amazon-Dot-Coms
Maybe the Washington Posts? Nice tie-in with the paper he owns. Probably piss off Trump no end, anyways…
Thought the Bears already had that name locked up.
I do enjoy the thought of Bezos getting a team while Trump shits his pants in anger.
“Fuckers wouldn’t let me buy the Bills! I’ll show them, I’ll give them a gigantic tax break in a few decades!”
“You know, I’m not that thrilled about Joe Biden’s liberal views and I’m definitely not voting for Trump. I wish there was another Conservative option to vote for President.”
Monkey’s Paw closes one finger
https://www.cnn.com/2020/07/05/entertainment/kanye-west-running-for-president-trnd/index.html
If it were just Trump vs. Kanye I would have to take some time to figure out my vote. Because one of them believes they’re a genius and possibly the messiah, with a wife known for pornographic material, and the other is the incumbent.
I would hope for an explosion.
In practice Biden is about as centerist as you can get. To call him a liberal is a misnomer.
Just a joke. He’s a Moderate Democrat, but in 2020, that practically makes him a Conservative Democrat.
Yes, I appreciate the quote marks. Back in the day he could have easily been a centrist republican.
Even without the extra er.
He’s to the right of Obama, who was on the same point of the L-R spectrum as Ronald Reagan.
TV listings with an attitude are awesome!
Little known fact. An MLS side last year was beaten in the Canadian Championship for the first time ever by a lower division club. They had a 10th of the payroll. Quite remarkable.