Hello sports fans, gamblers and procrastinators!
As you can see from the featured image, longtime sponsor of the Scousers, Carlsberg, have created a commemorative beer can to celebrate Liverpool’s first EPL title in decades. I personally like that Carlsberg added the asterisk on the beer can because we all know LiVARpool won the title by getting tons of help from the officials and flawed technology.
Today we have a double header of games that have relegation consequences.
Match 1: The “Save the Moosehornets” Game: (1PM EST)
Since I’ve been watching/following the EPL with you degenerates, I’ve developed a soft spot for the Moosehornets because I find it amusing that their kits look like a team that would go by the nickname of the bees, but their logo is of a moose. This will be the first game Watford will have played since shit canning their third manager of the season, Lord Palmerston Nigel Pearson. Here’s hoping Watford’s 4th manager in less than a year is a black manager because the EPL has a bit of a race problem when it comes to hiring managers.
Man Shitty are the highest scorers in the Premier League this season, scoring 93 times–and have scored 27 times in 8 games.To make things worse, the Shitty Citizens have scored 14 goals in their last two outings against Watford.
Prediction:
I really want to believe Watford is going to win this because they’re desperate and a few of their players are going to try and play well so bigger clubs can sign them (what’s up, Decourre?). Following their loss to the Arseholes, it is increasingly evident that Man Shitty look uninterested in anything but Champions league, which starts up next month. Unfortunately, Shitty’s B and C squad can wipe the floor with the Moosehornets. Shitty wins 3-1
Match 2: The “I don’t want United to sign Jack Grealish, but if United are going to sign him, he’ll be a lot cheaper if Villa get relegated” game (3:15PM EST)
This match features a mid table club and a team that should have been a midtable club after the money they spent last offseason. Villa is fighting for their EPL lives and have shown some glimpses of competence, beating Palace and drawing Disappointing Everton last match. They will need the Dollarstore’s cheap knockoff of David Beckham, Jack Grealish, to get his shit together and have a strong game. Grealish is in quite the predicament because if he does well, he might save Villa from relegation, but bigger clubs might balk at signing him next transfer window due to how much money Villa will command. If he lays an egg, his childhood club will get relegated, he’ll get sold for around 40 million and be off to bigger and better things, likely from the bench of Manchester United. Decisions, decisions.
Meanwhile, the Arseholes only have the FA Cup to look forward to and a very slight chance of qualifying for Europa.
Prediction:
Arsenal have played well since Arteta became their manager. Even if it’s a lesser Arsehole team, I don’t see Villa being able to beat them. Therefore, the Arseholes are going to win 2-1
Finally, in sad news, the Ballon d’or has been cancelled. When asked for a comment, an official said that there was no point in having this award this year if a player from either Barcelona or Real Madrid wasn’t going to win it.
Now that we know the award has been cancelled, who would have been your choice for the Ballon d’or?
Enjoy the games!
I really don’t see why United want Grealish so bad. I’ve seen him play 4 or 5 games and he has never made me think ” That’s the guy I want on my team”.
He is an asshat too. Just got busted leaving an accident, as he was wasted you see.
Arseholes follow up their FA Cup win by shitting the bed and not getting a shot on target.
Pepe Reina has turned back the clock the past few games. He’s made some good saves lately
Arseholes making nice, crisp passes but they are leading to absolutely nothing
I smell an Arsenal goal coming off that miss…
Light the smell and see if there is methane …..
Villa might do this. Huh.
Nah. I predict an 80th minute equalizer and ten frustrating minutes for Villa fans.
Really don’t want Midlands Twats to stay up, at least talked myself out of a Gooners bet.
Perhaps a nap? I did bet on Su-su-suddio (whoa ohhhh) but too lazy to go get laptop for ESPN+
0-0 still
Arsenal gonna Arsenal
Arseholes going to shit on everything today, it seems.
That’ll get the German audience numbers up.
“……?”
-Adolph Eichmann
Hey Litre, how does the Championship Playoff format work? I thought 1 gets through automatically and then there’s a battle between 2-4?
I forget which league it is, but I remember there is one League where the worst team automatically goes down and the best team automatically goes up and the rest play a tourney to see who stays or goes.
It’s the Bundesliga! The first 2 automatically go up while the last 2 automatically go down. The #3 teams playoff to see what happens…
Speaking of Championship, I have an irrational dislike of West Brom. I really hope they somehow don’t make it to the EPL.
I have an irrational like of QPR. Maybe it’s because I like saying QPR.
Fuck those Hammersmith fucks sideways.
C’ship is 1 and 2 go up, 3 plays 6 and 4 plays 5. Final is at Wembley. “The richest match of the year” due to differing tv rights.
La Liga is the same way.
Pulled his el mohammy.
He pulled his el hammy? That’s Haram!
Arseholes win, Rum Ham avoids relegation which hopefully means they go out drinking to celebrate, leading them to be too hungover to play well tomorrow. (God I hope this happens).
The Ballon D’Or really should go to Ronaldo. I’m not a big fan of his, but you’ve got to respect the fact that he became the quickest person to score 50 goals in Serie A.
Bid day tomorrow.
Need Mighty Whitey (nawt raycess) to handle Wigan who are in survival mode as they will be docked 12 pts at the end of the season.
Need 2nd from bottom Barnsley to beat or draw with Brentford. They do have something to play for as a win would help their safety.
Need, ugh, West Londoners QPR to beat West Brom. QPR hates both Brentford and Fulham so the fan base will be happy to lose. Also if they lose a 175K clause in some transfer contract goes to them.
I expect a London Jaguras loss, West Brom win, and Brentford draw just to piss me off. Then Fulham will lose in the playoff final to Brentford.
It’s a big day for both of us!
Yeah, Watford got ran the fuck over…
If I were handing out the Balloon D’or, I’d give it to Lewandowski. However, thinking like FIFA, they’d give it to Messi.
With that said, if United make top 4, win Europa and have a strong start next season, I’d consider Bruno. Alas, that isn’t happening
Mane played so well in the African Nations Cup, and started so strongly this season. Then, meh.
Ironically, once it was rumoured Madrid was interested, he started playing poorly
Smart man…
Hey Fronk, now that Warford has lost, how about telling your boys to lay down for United, tomorrow?
I think you’ll win for fun tomorrow. Perfect get-right spot for Bruno.
I wish, but United over the past 6 years choke in these big games. Now that there are no CBs left and De Gea seemes to have been possessed by a shitty 8 year old goalie, tomorrow feels like a trap game.
Poor Moosehornets.
Looking pretty good for the Hammers Fronk.
Yeah. Gonna be tight to avoid that third drop spot. Watford just lost their goal differential advantage and still play the gooners Saturday morning. If Villa catch a disinterested West Ham, or Bournemouth catch a disinterested Everton, either have a good chance to finish above Watford. Villa have to not get blown out like this today, though.
Inshallah.
Remember, they’re “Disappointing Everton”.
Do defensemen ever win it? Because Van Dijk is a fucking monster.
Also, Man U apparently also looking to pick up Sarr.
VvD should have won it last year. FIFA is programmed to just give it to Messi or CR7