As of the publishing of this, I should be back-2-back fantasy football champion. So, I guess you could say 2020 has been alright.
::Checks that three-martini lunch tax break was included in Covid relief bill::
Yes, a good year indeed.
Anyways, this is the penultimate Quotables of the 2020 regular season. So, if you’re a Jaguars through Raiders fan, better start preparing for the cold dark offseason of winter ahead. If you’re a Patriots fan, you’re just looking towards January 6th anyways. Any other team, just the standard shame of being an NFL fan will do.
So, with that fanfare out of the way, please enjoy your Week 16 Quotables submissions below.
Raising his arms above his elbows?
“No, no, no, you’re doing it all wrong. It goes up your nose.”
–Michael Irvin
No jokes, why isn’t this guy a bigger star? He’s the meastiest WR in the league and no one outside of the NFC North or Fantasy knows who he is. Davante, come write for DFO, we’ll scrounge together at least $12 for you.
My Tits are frozen, too!
As the saying goes, hit him in the grundle to save you a bundle
The entirety of the Indianapolis PD reached for their weapons at the same time
Luckily, they’re covered in gravy.
Good to see Dick Jauron has no hard feelings
It’s too bad “Jag Rag” is already taken as a term
(John Gruden staring gif)
Hello losing, my old friend
I’ve come to stare at you again
Because of my sowing I am reaping
The seeds of futility, my defese sleeping
And the vision of glory in my brain
No longer remains
Within the sound of losing.
I’d like to withdraw my own submission in honor of this much better submission.
That look when you realize you outlasted Adam Gase…
Blake Bortles sighting? Blake Bortles signing?
Blake Bortles sighing.
Seriously considering going back to the booth and spending my time scaring the hell out of Mike Tirico again.
The reboot of “My two dads” looks awful,
Still waiting for Hollywood to bite on my proposal for “My Two Granddads.” I think Greg Evigan is available.
Polar bear sighting
That taint a penalty
It’s foreplay
Make fun all y’all want. But awkward dancing in a Colts jersey just means that Brissett and Pascal got legally married in Indiana
“Mother is right to not let me watch football.”
-Mike Pence
JOHN CLEESE: Ok, so the question that trips him up is “What’s the airspeed of an unladen swallow?”
MICHAEL PALIN: What about my idea?
JOHN CLEESE: Too preposterous.
MICHAEL PALIN: You think so?
JOHN CLEESE: It sounds funny, sure, but no one can imagine “Can a raven fly directly into a giant’s butthole?” so I don’t think it works.
MICHAEL PALIN: Alright then. Shame, that.
Son: “Dad Billy said Chicago wont make the playoffs is that true?”
Dad: “well son. Do Bears shit on the field against the Packers?”
And with Verizon 5G, we’ll have the best coverage of each week’s Bears-shitting.
If it wasn’t for the facemasks, the NFL would’ve shown the most awkward kiss since Michael Sam.
Last time an A.J. did something this embarrassing, Tony Soprano slapped the shit out of him.
One unfortunate side effect of the Mask Mandate is that it allows Jared Fogle unfettered access to victims.
More like Lambeau Limp, amirite?
AARON JONES: What are you going to do with your playoff share, Davante?
[begin dream sequence]
DAVANTE ADAMS: [coats self in 14 karat gold] Step aside, Coach LaFleur, I’m running the show now.
MATT LAFLEUR: All hail King Davante!
DAVANTE ADAMS: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
(LOOK CLOSER, LENNY)
Easy there, buddy. The nickname “Dakota Jesus” is already taken.
“Goddamnit, you cockwallets, that’s now how one does the Abstinence Dance!” – Philip Rivers
“40, Chicago” is also the header on this guy’s Ashley Madison profile.
Two Meghan McCain jokes in one post? I love it!
“First gay frogs, now it’s gay dolphins, next it will be gay dogs and cats living together. See what happens when the Deep State steals an election?” – Alex Jones