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2021 Quotables – Week 5 (Submissions)

blaxabbath

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These NFL coaches eh? I mean, maybe it’s just that the NFLPA has gotten better about deflecting press coverage from their litany of arrests, women-smacking, and drug use. Of course, we’re talking like 1,700 rostered players vs 32 head coaches. Anyone care to ask the black players in the league with relatives in prison for minor drug offenses to explain how ratios work?

— DOOR FLIES OPEN — 

WELL NOT THE ONES WHO GREW UP WITHOUT THEIR FATHERS BECAUSE THEY ALL DID POORLY AT SCHOOL AND MAY HAVE HUGE LIPS! HOW ABOUT ASKING DREW BRE —


You Week 5 Quotables submissions are below.

“Damn bro! Whose ass you been in?” – U. Meyer 
Can you believe this guy has a career head coaching record of 5-12?
I’ll always be curious what it’s like to wear a Carolina Panthers jersey.
Haven’t seen a Patriot this hungry since Meghan McCain lost access to craft services at The View.
Urban Meyer sure knows how to work a crowd.
It didn’t hit anyone in the butt so this will be a forgettable Jets memory.
“Never apologize.” – T. Cruz, Ugly Women Aficionado
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BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

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Zach, this is not what I mean by balls to the head.
-Peyton Manning

Last edited 4 years ago by BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup
4
Horatio Cornblower

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Gruden went on to say “I just want to apologize to everyone I may have offended, including all of the n*****s, sp**s, qu***s, f****ts, d*gos, micks, ki**s, and dy**s.” as his publicist poured gasoline over himself before sitting down in the middle of a busy intersection and striking a match.

3
ballsofsteelandfury

I’m curious why “micks” didn’t get an asterix while everything else did…

0
SonOfSpam

Yeah, as an Irish person, I’m ready to drink heavily, get in a fight, then have too many kids, half of whom will be molested by a local priest.

2
Horatio Cornblower

I’m Irish, so I’m reclaiming the word.

Also I just don’t think anyone gets offended by mick.

0
Warthog

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A redundancy of confederates?

2
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

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The newest release from GG Gruden: “Queers, Freaks, Pussies, and Michelin Lips”

Last edited 4 years ago by Buddy Cole's Halftime Show
2
ballsofsteelandfury

I read that as “Pussy Lips” and that reminded me of a Brandy Love video I saw this morning and let’s just say I call her the #19 @ Langer’s…

1
SonOfSpam
  • #19 – Pastrami, Swiss Cheese and Cole Slaw Russian Style Dressing

Gross? Tasty? I’m confused but hungry.

1
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

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With his ability to hit towering objects, thank God Zach Wilson doesn’t have a pilot license and a fierce hatred for the West.

3
Dunstan

“Eh, doesn’t concern me.” — Pete C., Seattle

1
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

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Actually the dislocated finger is a nice palate cleanser for those uniforms.

1
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

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The Clod Delusion

2
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

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“I never realized how traumatizing watching someone bite a kneecap off could actually be.”

Last edited 4 years ago by Buddy Cole's Halftime Show
0
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

I never realised how traumatising it is to watch someone wave around a dislocated finger
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1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Shoddy internet makes Rikki something something…

/sorry I can’t contribute at the moment. Maybe tonight.

1
LemonJello

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THIS GUY, I CALL HIM THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA BECAUSE HE WON’T BE SHOWING HIS FACE IN PUBLIC FOR A LONG, LONG TIME

2
Dunstan

Eh, I’d say the over-under on his Tucker Carlson appearance is 3.5 days.

3
LemonJello

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THESE GUYS THE JETS, I CALL THEM THE LUFTWAFFE BECAUSE THEY’RE FLYING AROUND LONDON LOOKING TO DROP BOMBS BUT DOING MINIMAL DAMAGE!

Last edited 4 years ago by LemonJello
4
LemonJello

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“Like Mr. Kraft says after a visit to Orchids of Asia; It puts the lotion on its skin, or it gets the hose again!”

2
LemonJello

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“I can’t even bring myself to tell you all what Coach Gruden called me in those emails.”

3
BrettFavresColonoscopy

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If this were Tampa, someone would already have been up on that pole

2
BrettFavresColonoscopy

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The British absolutely think throwing the ball at the backside is the best part of American football.

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Of course he’s still hungry, he’s been feasting on his imaginary friends, the Houston “Texans”

3
BrettFavresColonoscopy

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“Now THAT guy is a pussy”
–Roger Goodell

2
BrettFavresColonoscopy

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The red flag lets us check if she’s menstruating yet, right?

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

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“That’s what you get for calling me a pussy”

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

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“Could have avoided this problem with soaking”

–Young Mormons

2
SonOfSpam

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“The Jets call this play ‘1912’ where the quarterback is Southampton, the running back is New York, the blocker is the iceberg, and…”

3
LemonJello

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“Do I hit the trainer with ‘Smell My Finger’ or ‘Pull My Finger’ when I get into the magic tent of healing?”

1
SonOfSpam

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“…and so when I saw the Vin Diesel tweet, where he sang about his late friend Paul Walker, well dammit I’m not made of stone”

6
ArmedandHammered

why do I even try? Sigh.

4
ArmedandHammered

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Nobody told me that “The Little Engine That Could” was fiction.

1
SonOfSpam

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Intending to challenge the previous play, the coach was surprised to a red thong that had been stuck to his hand since he gave Ashley (or Brandy? or maybe Kendal?) an “Urban Handshake” 12 hours ago at a local Chili’s.

6
ArmedandHammered

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Who do I have to finger around here to get a call benefiting my team?

2
ArmedandHammered

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When she says no to a shocker and fucking means it.

5
ArmedandHammered

Alterntatively: “I wonder if that would’ve been me if that blonde hadn’t like me so much” – U. Meyer

0
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

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E.T phone hooooooooooooome.

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