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It’s better than drinking the wateriness of Senor Weaselo’s Scottish Breakfast tea that he got last December for Christmas. It’s decidedly meh. Which is unfortunate because I like my Assams.
Well, onto Senorita Weaselo’s Hong Kong Black Tea she bought me. I know that’s the good stuff.
I’d say “onto the news” here a la Top Gear but no real new news to speak of. So let’s spin the Wheel of Miscellaneous Crap and see what to talk about!
How about the first in a maybe ongoing open thread series when I chuck something up when necessary: Senor Weaselo Poorly Explains Anime. (Name in progress.) While I was driving to get a slice of my normal birthday cake for, well, my birthday (it’s a chocolate Joffre cake, which is a Romanian chocolate layer cake with chocolate ganache and chocolate buttercream… and there’s only really one Romanian bakery in Queens), I thought to myself: “Holy shit, is that hail?” And then after that subsided, I thought: “Y’know? To quote Strong Bad, ‘Japanese cartoons are weird, man.’”
So with that, here’s me trying to (poorly) explain an anime that I watched and enjoyed: Fate/stay night: Unlimited Blade Works. (And of course none of the Google Images want to embed.) Based off the video game/visual novel Fate/stay night. Some spoilers, but it’s a 20-year old game and a 7-year old anime, so indulge me. (And stream it on Netflix if you want.)
Every so often, the Holy Grail (yes, it’s real) is available to be summoned, and seven mages from around the world, but mostly Japan (but not Tokyo, so that’s something), are compelled to fight for it. This has happened several times before, but not as many as you’d think for an artifact which is approximately 2,000 years old, especially considering the last one was only ten years ago. The seven mages are from seven different mage families (mostly) who engage in a seven way battle royale, probably to the death. Sorry, it’s a battle royale by proxy which is different.
The proxies are historical, and mythological, warriors of legend, Servants summoned by the mage Masters, categorized into seven classes: Saber (swordsman), Archer, Lancer, Rider, Caster, Assassin, and Berserker. These seven Servants fight to the death, possibly because their sacrifice is what actually summons the Grail, though that’s a bit of speculation. The Servants try to hide their IDs from their opponents, so that way they can hide their potential super move, known as Noble Phantasms. You figure out a Servant, you can guess the Noble Phantasm, how to weather it, and how to beat them. We figure out the Lancer pretty early on, which gives you the kind of mythology bits we’re going here: Cú Chulainn, so the Noble Phantasm is (specifically throwing) Gáe Bulg. We also figure out the Saber pretty early because she’s the main character’s Servant (we’ll get to him later). She’s decked out in a cool armor dress with a sword of phantom length, and… this is several episodes later, but did she just call out Excalibur? Wait, she’s King Arthur?
The other main character Servant is just known as an Archer, who fires off… wait, was that arrow a lance? And why does he use short swords? And Rho Ajax? Who is this guy? (Upon rewatch once you know, it adds up.)
Anyway, back to the main character. Shiro Emiya always dreamed of being a hero like his (adoptive) dad, whose story we see in the prequel, Fate/Zero. Sad backstory, overall really dark. And he has mage powers, like… the ability to take an object and make it stronger, or better. Which he uses at school to fix the radiators and stuff. Or on a rolled-up poster to try and block the aforementioned Cú Chulainn from stabbing him. Again. Because he already got stabbed in the heart from Gáe Bulg, died, and the deuteragonist saved his ass in between being coy about him and simultaneously wanting to slap him for being a dumbass. Yes, the deuteragonist is a girl, you couldn’t tell from the blatant use of the tsundere trope?
Also, later on, we find out Gilgamesh is in this. As in, the epic of Gilgamesh. Why is Gilgamesh in this? We’ve already seen the other Servants and he’s not one of them. Well, it’s because he can (explained in Zero). Also because he’s a dick and everything that has or will ever exist is all for Gilgamesh, in the eyes of Gilgamesh. Justified though, because as King of Heroes he has access to pretty much every weapon that exists in legend.
Anyway, a lot of fighting ensues, thanks to, or rather, in spite of Emiya. Also the Archer doesn’t like him for some reason—one, because killing him gets Saber out of the way and Saber’s considered the strongest Servant, but two, just doesn’t like the guy. Definitely no ulterior motive there, where (okay, now serious spoilers) he… is Shirou Emiya, from the future, where he went and tried to be a hero, got no love for it, actually got executed as he took the fall for something, and wanted to go back, correct more of the world’s wrongs, get disillusioned with it, so fuck it, if I kill past me maybe it’ll break the cycle?
Yeah, a lot goes on and it’s easy to go, “Wait, hold up, the fuck?” Which I did. Multiple times. But it’s gorgeous, and I liked playing “Guess the Servant” because I like mythology, as we’ve definitely figured out from Jets posts.
It then spun off a bunch of other series, and then there’s this joke, non-canon series that had this bit pop up on my YouTube and I’m angry at the punch line.
All right, I’m way over word count, have at things.
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