Your Thursday Night NFL Football Open Thread

So the rumors of Bill’s demise were premature. There was plenty of shade thrown at him when the Pats struggled and Tommy Boy thrived on his new team last year. After all, when there’s a winner there must be a loser, right? Turns out the Pats are just fine and angling for that AFC North title once again. And I don’t even mind somehow. They’re now playing good, solid (although boring) football. As always.

Newsy Notes:

-It’s a thin day today so I’m reduced to talking about Kelly Stafford throwing a pretzel at a yipping fan. She apologized of course, which one should always do when throwing non-expired food away.

-Henry Ruggs missed a breathalyzer test. (I told you it was a skinny news day, plus the AB story was referenced in the other thread) Too busy moping around in his million dollar home, I guess.

-Joe Flacco is unvaccinated. A thought: I wonder how many folks who are deathly afraid of needles cover that up by bellowing, “I Got’s Ta Have Mah Freedoms!”.

To The Game!

Pats/Falcons:

-If you have Kyle Pitts you’re obviously starting him but New England, over the last four games, have given up an average of 3 catches and 26 yards to the position. Maybe Kyle can double that!

-Cordarelle Patterson is a game-timer with an ankle owie. (Did he consult Joe Rogan before seeking treatment?) He’s really the only bit of skill talent that the Falcons have. The other offerings at wr and rb are dreadful.

-Bill and Josh McDaniels did a fantastic job of sheltering Macaroon Jones early in the season and they now appear to have a competent rook qb on their oily hands. He’s actually the only one this year.

-This stat blew my little mind-despite having a sub-average 7.7 yards per attempt average, Jones is one of just a handful of qb’s (Burrow, Brady, DAK! and Stafford) that tosses a 20+ yard completion on over 10% of his overall throws.

Do your thing.

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Gumbygirl

Goodnight, my darling dears! I’ll leave you with this disturbing thought

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Mr. Ayo

Would pet.

Gumbygirl

Yellow fellows are the best!

Gumbygirl

39 years later

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

Gumbygirl

Thanks! I’m stuffed, with a nice buzz!

Gumbygirl

We went to a really cool old school restaurant tonight in Big Bear. Giant shrimp cocktail, prime rib. They even had those bright red spiced apple rings on curly parsley. Mad men! The people at the table next to us were Yinzers too. They took our picture. We are still pretty fucking cute!

Doktor Zymm

Sounds like a fantastic night! Congrats and glad you had a great time 🙂

Senor Weaselo

Happy anniversary, you crazy kids.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Looks like both of your turns in the barrel.

Mr. Ayo

Amazing! Congrats!

2Pack

Congratulations

Sharkbait

Woohoo! Congrats!!

yeah right

Happy anniversary!

Doktor Zymm

Virtual hugs for kitties

Doktor Zymm

Stupid kitties are the best kitties

cactusmcharris

Cat Daddy Jake has an allure to it.

Redshirt

As much as I love Red October’s version, I still think Rocky IV’s rendition of the Soviet National Anthem is the better one. It came off more noble and patriotic.

Doktor Zymm

I still can’t figure out why the Captain of the Russian sub is Scottish

Doktor Zymm

At least write something into his backstory? Although if I was the screenwriter I would totally push for the director to do that, either I get the Russian accent or I get to see a Mortal Kombat move in real life. Win win!

Redshirt

When Sean Connery walk up to the dock and asks to command your prototype nuclear submarine, who is the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics to say “нет.”

Actually, they did kind of explain that he is Lithuanian by birth, so that’s could be why his accent is off. Also, their creative version of having them go from speaking Russian to English could handwave the accent.

Doktor Zymm

I’ve spent quite a lot of time in Vilnius. They have the best fried bread of anywhere, but they do not sound even slightly Scottish. He would have to be a defector, or it would have to be an alternate universe where Scots invaded the Baltic states at some point.

Redshirt

Point of Divergence: Near the end of WWII, the bulk of the Soviet Army is in Germany. FDR and Churchill, sensing weakness, ask some Scottsmen in kilts and bagpipes to go to Russia to weaken the USSR so they won’t be in a position to bully USA and UK when the war ends. The plan goes horribly right when the Scottish actually overthrows the Communists and takes over as the USSR, the Union of Soviet Scottish Republics.

Doktor Zymm

I would read this series of novels.

Redshirt

“Tartan Dawn” by Redshirt

Senor Weaselo

All I know of Vilnius is it’s the birthplace of God. Okay, it’s Heifetz, so same thing.

Sharkbait

Bad ass!

Redshirt

Don’t work at an Amazon warehouse. Based on what I’ve heard, it makes the 19th century steel mills look like a library.

Redshirt

Save it for Plan Z. At least whore yourself out first before you feed the coyotes.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Having started New England’s defense in fantasy, I am quite satisfied with this result.

SonOfSpam

Having played against NE D in a money league, I am not a Rosen fan.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Oh, yeah, that’s why I hate him too. Cause I played against Ned in a monkey league, that’s what it was, right?” – Laura Ingraham

Doktor Zymm

If I was a sexually active whale, I would have so much sex near sonar

Redshirt

I’m having fun counting all the Chekov’s Guns and Chekov’s Gunmen (damn you, TV Tropes).

SonOfSpam

I find that offensive as a sexually active whale.

j/k not very active

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Did somebody say ‘sexually active whale’?”
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montythisseemsstrangetome

Whoo I’m worn out after that exciting presentation of the National Football League. Good night all.

Redshirt

Since we’re NFL OldManRanting, the Steelers need to go back to their standard number-style they used during the Steel Curtain Era. Their current italicized ones makes them look like a bunch of posers!

Brocky

The falcons coach is lucky I don’t know his fucking name or otherwise he’d be coming home to his children’s blood smeared all over his house

Redshirt

He’s live in Atlanta. There’s still a chance that may happen. You may get lucky.

Redshirt

Come on, Patriots. You’re only three touchdowns for a 46-0 Scorigami!

Mr. Ayo

They’re performance art at this point. They lost by 25 points. Which can also be expressed mathematically as 28-3.

Mr. Ayo

Franks Red Hot Ception!

Redshirt

HAHAHA!

Redshirt

Is anyone else hearing an deep echo in the audio?

Doktor Zymm

Yes, but only because I switched to The Hunt for Red October

Redshirt

I switched to that too. That’s one of those movies I automatically turn on.

Sharkbait

Same. I’ve seen it countless times (and own it) but will always stop and watch when it’s on/

Sharkbait

Josh Rosen everybody!

Gatoraids

The Aristocrats of QB

Redshirt

When Josh Rosen is the better alterative…

Redshirt

I stand by my comment.

Mr. Ayo

19-2 scorigami is still in play!

TNF! Catch the fever!

Mr. Ayo

Not to fear! 26-2 is also scorigami!

Mr. Ayo

Again, no worries! 25-2 is also scorigami!

2Pack

If the Pat’s would just change coaches I could be convinced to like them.

Doktor Zymm

Turns out I don’t hate Belicheat as much as I thought, I’m actually okay with the Pats doing well because
a) If DarthHoodie sets a high standard for what a coach can make of a team, it means we can legit blame other coaches for sucking and they can’t just use the excuse that coaches can only do so much
b) The whole narrative last year where it was all “Lookit Brady doin’ it without Belichick” annoyed the fuck out of me, and if, Glod Forbid, we end up with a narrative Bowl where it’s B v. B in the big game, I think I’m on the side of The Guy That Fucked Everyone’s Mom

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I can use his dominance to explain why the Raiders have sucked for the last twenty years – they knew it was pointless, so they didn’t bother to try. That’s just good footballin’.

Doktor Zymm

It sounded like the game was over, but it’s just figuratively over, not literally over

Fronkenshteen

Please, Falco D. Get offa the field here.

Fronkenshteen

Poop

Redshirt

“Okay.”

give up touchdown

montythisseemsstrangetome

They tried adding an extra man, whadda you want?

Redshirt

Yeah, I think its time for Matt Ryan to call it a career.

montythisseemsstrangetome

Right now with 5 minutes left in 4th qtr.

Sharkbait

Lolfalcons

Doktor Zymm

Yes Gronk, but we don’t use the term ‘special’ anymore, we say ‘learning disabled’

Doktor Zymm

Wine has arrived! Can I have some of this Pinot on top of what I’ve already drank and not be 100% miserable during my morning workout tomorrow? I will be working out at 7:30 instead of 6:30 like normal….

Mr. Ayo

99% is less than 100%, so yes!

montythisseemsstrangetome

You’re gonna be miserable during your workout either way, so…

Doktor Zymm

Recently I’ve just been miserable, although exercise does help, but still a valid point

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s just a shitty time of year unless you’re in the southern hemisphere.

Doktor Zymm

California winter is actually pretty kickass. It’s other people and the institutions they’ve created that’s bringing me down.

Redshirt

Insurmountable lead is insurmountabler.

montythisseemsstrangetome

I was indifferent to the Falcons before tonight but I actively hate them now.

Brocky

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Doktor Zymm

Cookies with rum flavoured icing should pair well with rum, right?

Doktor Zymm

Specially Processed Army Meat!

Doktor Zymm

It’s their contracts with the military that gave them international exposure, unlike their poor cousin, Scrapple

Fronkenshteen

Eleven more yards out of Zacchaeus. Lets groove, baby:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36oYArpSkms

Redshirt

That was the saddest pass I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen Akili Smith and Scott Mitchell play QB.

Last edited 2 years ago by Redshirt
Mr. Ayo

ICECEPTION!

Brocky
Brocky

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Fronkenshteen

If Zacchaeus hits for 16 more yards & NE (-6.5) covers, I’m pissing it all away on a 3 leg parlay Sunday 1:00.

Gatoraids

Falcons looking to avenge the superbowl with getting a field goal here

Sharkbait

Or not.

Redshirt

So regarding that Meta commercial… what?

Sharkbait

Exactly.

Gatoraids

Better off Branded the Lawnmower Man II

charles martins bodyslam clinic

Did Buck get a beard implant too? Thankfully, we usually only have to listen to him. It could always be worse…

montythisseemsstrangetome

I’m listening to Westwood One radio call instead of Joe and Troy. It’s so much more enjoyable but I am probably 2 minutes delayed.

Doktor Zymm

ENJOY YOUR NUT, BLIND FALCON SQUIRRELS

Brocky

I swear to God falcons if you don’t score this drive I’m cutting Matt Ryan’s mom’s throat

Redshirt

Matt Ryan must really hate his mother.

Brocky

I hate her too for her worthless son

Redshirt

Falcons did a good?!

Mr. Ayo

MACEPTION!

montythisseemsstrangetome

How do the Falcons even have 4 wins? I’d take the 0-8-1 Lions over this team.

Brocky

I was just thinking that too. Like huh?

Doktor Zymm

They’ve beat the Giants, Jets, Dolphins, and Saints

Gatoraids

Lions arent playing the NFC or AFC east, cough dolphins

King Hippo

You say that, but they’s about to cross midfield!!

Redshirt

I’m wondering how their only losing by 13 points. Maybe Darth Hoodie is using his Preseason Playbook so he doesn’t give any plays away to future opponents.

Brocky

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Redshirt

She won’t. Perverts have objectified her body too much that she’s now ashamed to show it off.

I’m thinking of forming a posse and hunting them all down. We won’t need weapons; they’ve been in their parents’ basements for so long, they burn to ash like vampires as soon as their skin touches natural sunlight. Hell, even moonlight may work.

Brocky

I wanna help, but only because I’m a weirdo with that kind of time on my hands

Redshirt

Well, call me a furry and count me in!

Redshirt

What the… I just scrolled down to reply to comments. How are the Falcons punting this quickly?

King Hippo

I am convinced some of these punts must be on 2nd down.

Doktor Zymm

I think they’re just being efficient and punting on the first down

Brocky

Holy shit…..

Redshirt

How dare they compare the Dirty Bird to Billy “White Shoes” Johnson and Deion Sanders!

Brocky

I’m bored, so here’s some memes

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litre_cola

This the Urban Meyer handjob handbook?

litre_cola

Well someone was talking about Bradshaw’s taint below.

King Hippo

Evertyime I looks up at teh teevee box, a quartered back is sullenly trudging towards the bench.

litre_cola

Yeah but Macaroon will hit 2 bills. Fuck.