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Oceans of Darkness Open Night Thread

King Hippo

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Although there is no credible sportsball for us to consume tonight, we can relive some most excellent “Leave Britney Alone!” style tears from Ronaldo and his assdick friends, along with the entire, shovel-faced nation of Englen.  Harry Fuckface Kane, a legend of chokery.

On my way back from the office to pick up some (not-rolling) papers, I heard this banger on the radio:

New music, like sportsball, keeps us connected to the living, changing world.  Anything good y’all come across lately?

/also feel free to discuss basketballing or Ice FITBAW, if ur sum kinduv cuck smgdh

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yeah right

Still celebrating Judas Priest in the rock and roll hall of fame.

Massive fan.

It starts with the drums. Drums first.

If the bass can follow then you’re on to something.

Double lead guitars?

Increase volume!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bRTUZ2sS1D8

4
WCS

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2Pack

Saw them in Germany 1986, total kick ass concert.

3
SonOfSpam

Brandi Carlisle (on SNL tonight) is amazing.

0
WCS

The Jets absolutely are drafting Caleb Williams, right? They’re ready to ruin another USC quarterback.

2
yeah right

Rumble from the butt fumble. 2.0.

1
Redshirt

https://doorfliesopen.com/2022/12/10/oceans-of-darkness-open-night-thread/#comment-1021604

Sadly, I can top this.

One Sunday morning, I awoke to my parents talking loudly outside. Thinking they were having another argument, um “discussion”, I went outside without my glasses to get them to shut up or go inside. As soon as I reach the screen doors, my mom, who just aced College Human Anatomy & Physiology (but was still rejected for the PTA program because of ageism) comes running past saying “You dad fell and broke his leg. I’m going to “…CRUTCHES?!”

I then turn and see my dad slowing dragging himself by his arms across the deck, including up a two foot tall step going “Redshirt, help get me to my car and drive me to the hospital.”

At this point, because both my parents were in shock, I took over for the family and made the decision for them.

“No, Dad. Stop! STOP! STOP! We gotta call 911!”
“No, its fine. I can…”
“Dad, you’re foot is completely moved the wrong way. We gotta call 911”
“…what do you think, Momshirt?”
“I’m calling 911.”

I was complemented by my parents for taking ownership of the situation and being the adult in the room. They asked me afterwards how I was so calm.

I told them I didn’t have glasses on so I couldn’t see how bad the foot was broken. All I saw was a blur. I didn’t see what the doctor said was two complete fractures and a dislocated foot. I don’t remember exactly the name, but they said one of the bones in the foot is the strongest in the body and it snapped like a twig.

I asked them what happened and he said he fell off a stepladder trying to hang something, he was only on the 2nd or 3rd rung and the ladder slipped out from under him. I asked them why they didn’t wake me up and they said, “We didn’t want to bother you.”

They bothered me with trivial stuff like taking out the trash or finding the remote but keeping dad from nearly losing his foot isn’t on the list, I guess.

9
WCS

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SonOfSpam

Damn, how’s he doing? That’s a hell of a thing.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

I hope he’s doing okay!

1
blaxabbath

Word Count!

2
Wakezilla

Gotta respect England for losing in 90 minutes, but still due to a PK. That’s absolutely hilarious.

4
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

DR. MRS. DEADLY, ESQ. (RET): I heard COVID is getting really bad in Los Angeles, so I ordered more masks.

[ten minutes later]

DR. MRS. DEADLY, ESQ. (RET): Hey, let’s take my elderly mother to the mall!

3
WCS

Maybe the Dr Mrs Esq just wants to let nature take its course.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Not for her mom, no.

0
Redshirt

She must’ve checked the Will.

0
Gumbygirl

I’m fighting something off, only mild cold symptoms. I shouldn’t have stopped masking.

1
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

I’ve had a cold for a week and haven’t stopped masking. Youngest brought it home from school and/or work two weeks ago and my wife had it last week

1
King Hippo

Hippo’s nap streak will end at 4 days. I assume everyone was keeping track at home.

0
WCS

Tough break for Other Hippo. He had six days in the survivor pool with Other Hippo Bookie.

1
TheRevanchist

That wasn’t my square. Now I’m out a C note. Thanks for nothing!

3
Mr. Ayo

Guys, it’s Hockey Night in Canada!

Thank god for Canada’s BBC channel.

1
Brick Meathook

Wall
Culver City, CA
12/10/22

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1
Brick Meathook

Self Portraits (With Porn Stache)
Culver City, CA
12/10/22

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King Hippo

huh, I remember you from Balmer as being Blacker

2
Brick Meathook

It was probably my natural sense of rhythm and my love of watermelon that threw you.

3
Redshirt

Someone needs to make a GIF of Cameron Frye staring at this, immediately if not sooner!

2
Gumbygirl

It’s mesmerizing.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m rewatching Harry Kane’s miss and I cannot even begin to imagine what it would be like for a team you cheer for to let you down like that on such an important stage.

3
Senor Weaselo

That’s (Not) Rikki’s Raiders!

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I wasn’t being sarcastic. I can easily imagine them letting me down, it’s the “important stage” part that defies my ability to conceptualize.

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I think I must have been blackout drunk before that game even kicked off because I remember none of it. I don’t even remember being particularly disappointed in the result.

0
Col. Duke LaCross

There was this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IXmAxq36_Rg#dialog

After Prince, I downed about 2/3 of a Costco bottle of Jack Daniels and fired off some drunk texts before blacking out.

0
WCS

Cousinfuckers defeated the Gumby UAB hoopsball in a minor Clubhouse derby, 81-70.

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King Hippo

Always nice when the King of Track Suits can waddle off a winner!

2
Gumbygirl

One glorious season we beat you, and UNC in the same year.

0
Gumbygirl

Wait, not you! It were Hippo’s Wolven Sort that we vanquished. It was the NIT.

0
Gumbygirl

So, I’ve been driving around without insurance since August. In August, I said “hey Gumby looks like our insurance needs to be paid, handle it because it’s in your name, and they won’t talk to me.” He did not handle it. I’m thinking of murdering him and leaving his body in the desert for the coyotes and vultures.

5
Senor Weaselo

You know, like a fucking lady.

5
yeah right

Needed something to slow cook in the oven for multiple hours so today’s menu was Chile Verde and black beans.

Fucking delicious and warmed up the house nice and proper.

The reason why tomales are popular this time of year is because the tomatillos, poblanos, serranos and jalapenos were perfectly ripe.

3
Wakezilla

An old Tomale joke:

What is it called when a bunch of people are killed with a tamale?
A MASAcre

2
BugEyedBoo

In the “People believe too much shit they see on TV” department, my wife and I come home from Saturday afternoon shopping, and my mother-in-law (lives with us now, yay!) is in tears. She can’t move her right arm above her shoulder. It looks like it might be dislocated. She doesn’t want to say she fell, but people at her age don’t want to admit to falling, for fear of ending up in a nursing home.

Anyway, my wife tells her to get dressed so she can go to the ER. M-I-L asks me, “Can you just pop it back into place?” Fuck no, I can’t just pop your arm back into place! It might have worked for some guy on TV, but I ain’t yanking on your arm when there’s an ER down the street.

6
BugEyedBoo

ER says, “Ain’t broke, ain’t dislocated, hunt up an orthopedist first thing Monday.”

0
Redshirt

This is embarrassing. One little victory and all military discipline goes completely out the window!

1
BugEyedBoo

That Navy guy was bawling his eyes out.

Last edited 3 years ago by BugEyedBoo
0
ballsofsteelandfury

Is there anything else to watch tonight besides porn?

0
King Hippo

I was excite for the LAX (bruh) but is not on Murrikan ESPN

1
BugEyedBoo

Watch some Twitch streams of people playing Dwarf Fortress. If you thought it was hot ASCII action before, wait until you see it with graphics tiles!

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You need to tag Horatio in these kinds of comments.

1
yeah right

Barry on HBOMAX. Hands down my new favorite show. Just a few episodes left and we’re done with season 3.

This show is fucking wonderful.

1
Redshirt

This is the worse than the Honda Point Disaster!

1
Redshirt

Why does the Pylon Cam look like its from 1976?

1
ballsofsteelandfury

Government procurement

1
yeah right

Don’t get me started.

1
King Hippo

I didn’t know you could use VAR in combat??

1
Redshirt

I wonder if the Army-Navy game can be replaced with the Air Force-Marines next year?

1
King Hippo

Space Force v. Space Marines!

4
Redshirt

The Army and Navy is a combined 3 for 15 passing? This is why North Korea doesn’t fear us.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

Air Force is so embarrassed right now.

0
ballsofsteelandfury

Thank God our actual national defenses are not this shitty.

0
BugEyedBoo

Right…right?

1
Redshirt

The US Army and US Navy could only score 10 points each in four quarters?

How in the hell have we not been invaded yet?

2
King Hippo

Bananacakes has infiltrated the military/industrial complex!

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Holy throngs of people at the outdoor Christmas market.

0
ballsofsteelandfury

So this game will come down to a missed FG in OT.

Bank on it.

0
ballsofsteelandfury

Has anyone even attempted a pass in this game?

0
Redshirt

A man attempting a pass at another man? Maybe the Navy.

4
ArmedandHammered

I am either getting that second wind you get just before dying or my lazy ass immune system has finally geared up enough to fight the Covid, been a rough 4 to 5 days.

3
BrettFavresColonoscopy

I hear you. I recommend matzo ball soup.

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Ugh. Can we have ONE Saturday night open thread that doesn’t include a recommendation from BFC to put some balls in your mouth?

0
ballsofsteelandfury

Can someone explain the NASA tie-in with Navy?

Besides the fact they both are four letter words that start with N.

1
ArmedandHammered

Navy has more successful launches of rockets than NASA (missiles technically are rockets)

1
BugEyedBoo

Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin were both Navy pilots. I think.

1
yeah right

Correct as was John Glenn and Alan Sheppard. Both navy test pilots.

Honestly though, all things space are currently ran through the Air Force.

I have some insight in this.

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[walks away slowly with head down, kicks rock] – Space Force

1
WCS

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2Pack

Glenn was USMC, Sheppard was USN. You guys shot 50% here. Never play spacemen trivia with a space nerd.

Last edited 3 years ago by 2Pack
1
2Pack

Armstrong was USN Res, Aldrin is USAF.

0
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

There’s NLL lacrosse on TSN and ESPN at 6 dFO time

2
King Hippo

Ya know, I think the Clubhouse SHOULD watch that!

2
King Hippo

I hope this goes 15 OTs. Mainly because I have fuckall else to do.

1
Redshirt

That would’ve been glorious if it was the old OT rules and end up with a final score of 127-125.

0
herodotus450

As a proud Easterner, I only have this to say about Caleb Williams: “Who?”

1
King Hippo

Our Armed Forces are currently bogged down in a ground offensive. Stop me if you heard THAT before.

1
TheRevanchist

I fell asleep so many times during the game, I have turned the channel. I can hear the dog snoring.

1
Dunstan

One more surge ought to do it

2
King Hippo

A stop loss is also in order

1
ArmedandHammered

Someone needs to tell Army that trench warfare was so last century.

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