Hello there fellow DFO’er.  Hope you’re well today.  And thanks for coming back to see last weeks comments of the week as decided by my brain.  There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.

This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:

But if you haven’t learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven’t learned anything [in bed].
Muhammad Ali

So, just please your partner, got it Mr Ali.

As a reminder, Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post.

Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.

Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.

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Don T

Put a Big Mac and a Diet Coke there and it’s just a matter of time.
WCS

Just put an Ivanka look-a-like there to sweeten the pot.
Redshirt

My daughter went to a festival yesterday where a booth was set up selling pro-trump shit. So, she did a fake southern accent and told the lady how wonderful her bedazzled hats were, just to fuck around.

She is definitely my kid.
TheRevanchist

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If they do in fact put Trump in handcuffs, they should plan ahead and get a gigantic novelty set of oversized ones so that his hands look pathetically tiny in them.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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What’s more fun than going up to the UConn campus tonight and joining in the revelry?

Going up tomorrow at 8 am and playing bagpipes outside of each and every dorm.
(I should point out that I do not know how to play bagpipes)
Horatio Cornblower

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/Door flies open

//Horatio, painted blue and naked but for an impressively large UConn flag wrapped around his wing wang, runs into the clubhouse waving a beer in one hand and a cigar in the other

WHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

/trips
//cigar sets UConn flag on fire

Uh, guys, little help here?
Horatio Cornblower

Isn’t little help what you call it when you tap in the dwarf?
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Little help? The dwarf has a name you know.
Sharkbait

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CALL THESE HUSKIES HERNAN CORTES BECAUSE THEY ARE ABOUT TO SLAUGHTER THESE AZTECS.
clint greasewood

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litre_cola
Editor
April 3, 2023 8:57 pm

https://i.postimg.cc/tgTpvcjr/jello.jpg

Jello friends.

litre_cola

I’m feeling sleepy for some reason
Game Time Decision

Sharkbait

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I’ve got the week off work and I’m already loaded today. Got a lot of yard work done yesterday and I’m sore from exercise so I’m now drunk at midday. I’ve decided to challenge Litre to a series of physical and mental challenges this weekend. They will include indigenous leg wrestling, the long distance egg in spoon carry, and giving his son, my nephew, wildly inappropriate birthday gifts. That one’s just a challenge for him.
Happy Easter.
BC Dick

Leg wrestling – blown hammy
egg spoon down your folks hill could be fun.
Decilitre needs nothin but some god damned discipline.

This weekend.

pic.twitter.com/gDhBEJPjCM

— shirts that go hard (@shirtsthtgohard) April 4, 2023

litre_cola

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Found a funny:

Courtroom sketch artist’s supply for today:

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Gold as always (the draft preview and the video below)

SonOfSpam

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Staples Battle! Lakers vs. Clippers (10:00, ESPN)

It’s Crypto.com Arena now, remember? The bankruptcy reversion to naming rights won’t be happening for at least another two or three weeks.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So we have time to pass the hat around and buy the rights ourselves, right?

DFO Arena?
Pants Optional Arena?
Roger Goodell Is An International Disgrace Arena?
Dunstan

I will contribute to naming:

Horatio’s Midget-Quarium and Dwarf Revue Center
LongtimeLionsLoser

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/the very first time I went to church

Me: “Dad, all my friends can’t play road hockey on Sunday morning because they have to go church. It’s important to them. Can you take me there?”

Dad: [takes me there]

Me: “This is really boring.”

Dad: “Yeah.”

/Fin
scotchnaut

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I was raised Catholic. Once, as dumb child, I volunteered to go to Easter Vigil Mass on Saturday so I didn’t have to go on Sunday.

Kids are stoopid.
WCS

We used to associate with a group of nuns that would do all the Holy Week masses. For a while Mom used to make us go to all of them. My brother and I had the idea of standing outside after Easter Mass selling “I Survived Holy Week” T-shirts.

The idea was shot down, but we would have made a killing. Which I’m pretty sure what Easter is all about anyway.
Horatio Cornblower

“Nailed It!”

-Jesus, a standup comic
scotchnaut

The musicians would absolutely buy it.
Senor Weaselo

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As a straight white male who makes a decent living I don’t really get too upset about politics. Nothing really affects me, and by the time the right sectors of the population get their shit together and fix it so that it would affect me my ashes will likely be forming the basis of a coral reef on what used to be Key West, so getting incredibly mad about things doesn’t really accomplish much other than elevate my blood pressure.

What’s happening in Tennessee, however, is different. Expelling two Black legislators, (while not expelling the white woman who did the same thing, and to be clear I am absolutely not criticizing her), may not affect me here in CT, but it very much does signal a death knell for democracy. This sort of shit needs to have very real and very fast consequences or else this country is doomed.

All of which is a long-winded way of saying that I have to go to a birthday party on Saturday for an individual with relatives coming up from Tennessee, and Mrs. Cornblower, (who is the reason I’m going) has been advised that if the Tennessee contingent starts talking politics I’m going to start swinging furniture.

If I go radio silent after Saturday know that I’ve enjoyed our time here. I’m going to give Balls custody of the dwarf. Just seems the most appropriate.
Horatio Cornblower

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Got this for the clubhouse.

Redshirt

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The Ole ego gets a boost today thanks to my pretty blond masus. She usually sees me in a shirt and tie for my lunch break massage. Today being a casual day at work I was in straight leg button fly jeans and a classic black CBGB t shirt. She said I looked like a bodyguard. What a sweet lady.
2Pack

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Don T

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Brick Meathook

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Really need to find an astronaut for DFO so someone can finally one-up all of Brick’s submarine stories
herodotus450

I mean, Balls has been to many moons.
SonOfSpam

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Toddlerzilla is non-verbal autistic. Mrs. Zilla and I have decided to hire a specialist to be with him one day, 4 hours a week to help him, and ultimately us, out. So I went to his special needs day school and asked how I can go about hiring someone.

Wouldn’t you know who won the pony, his favorite teacher, who he adores, does this on the side. She also happens to be a gorgeous, 5’10, mid 20s brunette who is tight bodied, well endowed, and has a sleeve of tattoos on her right arm.

I have never been more proud of my son.
Wakezilla

I think I might be coming down with a little autistic, what’s her number?
herodotus450

“coming down with a little autistic”

You can borrow the dwarf, but it’ll cost you.
Horatio Cornblower

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The carrot muffins smell great. Litre cola is in bed because he is a father. He cannot drink like a single man like me cab drunk. I’m not rewinding in that spelling.
I had to stay up for the muffins.

BC Dick

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Turns out, golf is just about as boring to watch as it ever was.
herodotus450

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Of all the Bud Light memes out there, and man are there many, this one just hits me on every level.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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So Easter bit me in the ass this year.

Last weekend my wife and I bought a few trees to plant, and this jumped out of the base.

So we now have a pet bunny to go along with three dogs (including the one that jumped in our car from the Target parking lot).

Dr. Mrs. LLL had to hand feed this thing for a week before it would eat veggies, and so now we have to go to farms to get the right watercress for it (according to the wife).

I can’t win for losing. So, in today’s match up:

Life 2, LLL 0. Life is just now playing possession to keep the ball away and run the clock.

LongtimeLionsLoser

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Brick Meathook

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Happy Easter!

Gumbygirl

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Happy Easter to you, GumbyGirl

LongtimeLionsLoser

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“Called It, regarding Arsenal.”

-The Bangles

scotchnautz

Originally done by Katrina and the Waves!
Dunstan

Katrina and the Waves was one of the worst parts of Bush Jr’s presidency.
scotchnaut

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Mr. Koepka: “Let’s call him ‘Over-Flowing Raging Rivers’-it has a nice ring to it.”

Mrs. Koepka: “WTH? Dial it way back, maybe ‘Clear Running Streams’?”

Mr. Koepka: “That’ll give him a complex, I’m sure. What about ‘Major Tributaries’?”

Mrs. Koepka: “Seriously? Next you’ll suggest ‘Private Streams’. C’mon, be serious.”

Mr. Koepka: “Ok, fine. What about ‘Brooks’?.”

Mrs. Koepka: “I can get onboard with that.”

Mr. Koepka: “Goddamn it! Fine. ‘Brooks’ it is.”
scotchnaut

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WCS

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Tossing your nuts in olive oil is great but it’s a bitch getting the oil off.
ballsofsteelandfury

“True.” — Popeye
Dunstan

And Extra Virgin Olive Oil didn’t have a fucking clue as to what she was doing.
LongtimeLionsLoser

“Oh, is that what she told you?” — Bluto
Dunstan

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Those same Christians who prefer celebrating the Book of Revelations Jesus the Warrior instead of Jesus, Lord and Savior, are missing the entire point of the religion and why the tomb was empty. Ironically if those same Christians saw how Jesus really looked, instead of the long-haired Anglo-Saxon Jesus they’ve been taught, they’d call him a terrorist rather than Savior.

You know, I think I’m going to start sinning more so I won’t be raptured. Unspeakable Hell on Earth under the merciless heel of the Antichrist might be worth the look on their faces when they see Arab Jesus riding down to save the day at Armageddon.
Redshirt

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I am a lapsed Catholic, having turned in the ol’ kneepads…

sometime after 16 when I realized the whole thing was a grift. But we still get together as a family and this year Mrs. Horatio decided to show off the new kitchen by making an Eggs Benedict brunch for 10, followed by strawberry shortcake for dessert. Suffice to say I had salad for dinner and she’s konked out on the couch. I’d do the dishes, but I don’t want to wake her, so I’m quietly drinking beer and thinking about more strawberry shortcake.

AND THEN I happen to look out the window and see a young woman wandering into my neighbor’s yard and trying to knock on her door. my neighbor is in her 80’s and doesn’t respond well to people she doesn’t know, so I go over to see what’s up. Turns out my across the streets neighbors’ dogs have gotten off the front porch and one of them is wandering into traffic and she’s, (a really cute UConn co-ed), concerned he’ll get hit.

Now, they were on that porch because they got loose earlier in the day and my boy Jeffrey was already in the street when I got out, stopped traffic, and locked him and his pal on their front porch. The homeowner is on vacation in Aruba and has a (really shitty) dog-sitter “watching” the dogs, and this is the second time I’ve had to wrangle Jeffrey back home.

Jeffrey, by the way, is an absolute sweetheart. Not very bright, but a perfect little gentleman.

But now Jeffrey is headed for Rt. 195, where it is not a question of if but when he will be killed. So I sprint after him, wearing LL Bean slippers and sweatpants with a broken string, (had I been so inclined any chance I’d had with said co-ed would surely have died then and there), cornering Jeffrey by some trees.

Jeffrey is happy to see me and comes right over, so I load him into the co-ed’s car, meet her back at the house where I pull Jeffrey out of the car, (Jeffery loves cars and hates getting out of them), and literally carry him back onto the porch. His brother, (name unknown), happily follows and I open the front door, (because why would it be locked?), and let them in, already knowing that no one is home because no one’s been there all day. I can see that the back door is closed and that housekeeping is more a theory than a practice in these parts, (Mrs. Dr. RTD, Esq, ret., would have an absolute field day), so I am not going to go stumbling around for food. They’re off the road. they’re warm, my work is done.

Anyway, now I have to decide what to tell the owner, because I think the sitter is a relative, but this obviously can’t go on because Jeffrey’s luck will run out, and Jeffrey deserves better.

Anyway, Happy Easter.
Horatio Cornblower

This is Jeffrey.

Horatio Cornblower

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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.

Stay busy and safe out there.

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