♫ …set to the music of “One Day More” from Les Miserables… ♫

JIMMY HASLAM
One day more!
Another day, another felony
Much less a franchise than a laund-ery
And though I’ve made a mint from crime
I still refuse to spend a dime
One day more!

HAL HUNTER (OFFENSIVE LINE COACH)
The blocking scheme has gone awry
It’s like the Red Sea has just parted.

HASLAM
One day more…

HAL HUNTER
Bitonio looks like he’s on skates
And once again Pasztor false started.

JOHNNY MANZIEL
One more day all on my own.

ANNOUNCERS
Will he ever play again?

PAUL MANZIEL
One more day with him not caring.

ANNOUNCERS
Doomed, alas, is poor old Hue.

JOE THOMAS
What a life I might have known.

ANNOUNCERS
If a good team had drafted you!

PAUL DePODESTA (looking at a list of UDFA’s)
There is so much value there.

JOSH GORDON
One more toke, and it’s my last.

NFL SECURITY
We will follow where he goes.

JOSH GORDON
And I swear I mean it this time.

NFL SECURITY
Cause you know he’s gonna relapse.

JOSH GORDON
When the season finally ends…

NFL SECURITY
There’s no way you’re gonna make it.

JOSH GORDON
I will blaze up, yes indeed!

HASLAM, SASHI BROWN, PAUL DePODESTA
The time is now, the day is here!

HASLAM
One day more!

HUE JACKSON
Got to stop this devolution
Pray that Griffin is no dud
Hope Josh Gordon and his homeboys
Don’t get busted with that bud.

HASLAM
One day more!

CYNICAL ADULT BROWNS FANS
Watch us run amuck
Hurling bottles down
Brimming with self loathing
Cause we hate this town!
Here’s another sack
There’s another pick
Every single game is like
A punch in the dick!

GUILELESS AND HOPEFUL YOUNG BROWNS FANS (2 groups)

(1) Now the curse is finally over…

(2) Raise the Cav’liers banner high!

(1) And we owe it to the King.

(2) And we owe it to the King.

(1) Call us crazy but we’re hopeful…

(2) There’s a division to be won.

(ALL) Maybe the Browns can win a ring!

RGIII
My place is here, I play with you!

HASLAM
One day more.

RGIII and JOSH GORDON (overlapping)
We didn’t practice ’till today.

JOHNNY MANZIEL (overlapping)
One more day all on my own.

RGIII and JOSH GORDON (overlapping)
We’re run no routes together at all.

HUE JACKSON (overlapping)
I will mold this group of misfits
Into men who can be proud
Sure we’ll be last in the standings
But at least our fans are loud.

HASLAM
One day more.

RGIII and JOSH GORDON (overlapping)
Tomorrow we will take the field…

JOE THOMAS (overlapping)
What a life I might have known.

RGIII and JOSH GORDON (overlapping)
And see if we can still play football.

HUE JACKSON (overlapping)
Got to stop this devolution
Pray that Griffin is no dud
Hope Josh Gordon and his homeboys
Don’t get busted with that bud.

CLEVELAND FANS (overlapping)
Watch us run amuck
Hurling bottles down
Brimming with self loathing
Cause we hate this town!

HASLAM
Tomorrow all will be revealed.
Tomorrow we will take the field.

ALL
Tomorrow we’ll discover
What the season has in store!
…

One more down…
One more day…
One day more!

Many thanks to WhyEaglesWhy for his contributions and also for spurring me on to get this finished.

Original “Les Miserables” image via The Big Lead.