Baker And Tyrod Got An RV. Let’s Talk About That.

The reigning Heisman winner and latest number one overall draft pick is a Cleveland Brown. This is not news, provided you are somebody who does not spend every Sunday talking about how you don’t even watch the NFL anymore, is Brett Favre still in the league? Despite being perceived as

And Now, A Very Special Musical Number to Celebrate the Cleveland Browns (It is tradition to rise.) Ooooh and sixteen! Ooooh and sixteen! Oh and sixteen! Oh and sixteen! Oh a-and sixteen! Ooooh and sixteen! Ooooh and sixteen! Oh and sixteen! Oh and sixteen! Oh a-and sixteen! Fooooor the city of losing teams, Cleveland. Oh and sixteen! Oh and sixteen! Oh and sixteen! Oh and sixteen! Fooooor the city of losing teams, Cleveland. Oh and sixteen! Oh and sixteen! Oh and

The Unbearable Litness of Being Josh Gordon

All Josh's friends knew about Marie-Jane; they all knew about the bong with the oversized glass carb. But no one knew about the salvia. Josh was wrong when he thought the commissioner had told the other teams about why Josh had failed his most recent drug test. Salvia was a wonderful


The Internet is a wonderful weird place that has led me down many interesting rabbit holes.  I just got out of one thanks to this article in the New Statesman. It's worth a click,  but the main gist is that there are certain commonly accepted facts that are,  upon review, totally

…But The Tigers Come at Night…

There was a time when I first signed... When the air was warm... And the town inviting... There was a time when love was blind... And Cleveland had a song, And the song was exciting! There was a time... Then it all went wrong.   Editor's note: This post has been in the "drafts" folder for about five weeks now

Prisoner Ninety-One

ALL DEFENDERS First down, first down, They're marching down the field, First down, first down, A touchdown we will yield. JOE HADEN A twelve yard gain, A simple slant and run. ALL DEFENDERS First down, first down, We can't defend the 'gun. EMMANUEL OGBAH A bootleg fake, There's no receiver there. ALL DEFENDERS First down, first down, And now you're tackling air. DANNY SHELTON I shot my gap, And

Beggars at the Feast

Last week, the hapless Cleveland Browns lost yet again in what (on paper and prior to kickoff) seemed like their best chance to obtain a victory this season.  When Tennessee scored a touchdown to go up 28-13 with less than seven minutes remaining in the game, it seemed like another

♫…When Our Ranks Begin to Fall…♫

The miserable melodrama of the Cleveland Browns season continued on Sunday as starting quarterback Cody Kessler was knocked out of the game with a while trying to one-up Dan Orlovsky by throwing the ball backwards out of his own end zone. His replacement Charlie Whitehurst was also injured shortly thereafter,

♫…But She Never Saw Me There! ♫

♫ …set to the music of “Eponine's Errand” from Les Miserables… ♫ DUKE JOHNSON JR. Such luck! What a bounce! Such luck! Right back to me! So close to a disaster, I stand triumphantly. [sideline flies open] SARAH THOMAS Good God! Oh, what a rumpus! That ball, where can it be? DUKE JOHNSON JR. It's here! Just let me show you, I got it back,

♫…He Spent a Summer By My Side…♫

...But He Was Gone When Autumn Came!  As has been widely reported, Robert Griffin III has been placed on Injured Reserve following the Browns' first game of the season, a 29-10 loss to the Eagles.  Griffin has a fractured coracoid bone in his left shoulder; he could be finished for the

One More Down!

♫ ...set to the music of "One Day More" from Les Miserables... ♫ JIMMY HASLAM One day more! Another day, another felony Much less a franchise than a laund-ery And though I've made a mint from crime I still refuse to spend a dime One day more! HAL HUNTER (OFFENSIVE LINE COACH) The blocking scheme has gone awry It's like the Red